REASONS TO GO PUBLIC

I am relieved every day that I went public with Dunetz's abuse, despite my feeling very humiliated at first. Not because I wanted revenge but as someone who believes strongly in God - I believe it is our duty to tell so the other person can get help, try to change (if possible) and help others around them. It is horrifying to realize that you were USED for free sex with lies and then told it's your own darn fault .

But even more horrifying to not speak up about it.

I do not believe in cover ups - which is why I went public with my own behavior in this and what I learned happened from what happened to me. I fully realize now I was mind controlled by someone who was pulling my strings. I learned how this was done, how my own oxytocin and serotonin was used to manipulate me and get me to cross my own boundaries; and then blame ME for it. I no longer accept that blame because it was never mine to start with.  

I have gotten so many private emails from victims about this blog. They said they saw their own Sociopathic or Narcissistic abuser in what I discussed here and then I was able to direct them on to get help, validation and heal from what happened. The other emails are from other bloggers or net users who have had run-ins with Dunetz's ongoing hypocrisy, need for attention, and explosive anger with anyone who doesn't agree with him or cover-up for him, and so on. It has been very validating but sad that he has made no attempt to get help for his pathology and continues to beat down anyone who holds the mirror up to him and his behaviors.  

More on rebuke, telling and the 'right thing to do': 
 ________________________  

I wonder where folks get the idea that Judeo-Christians have to be meek and mild, silently enduring mistreatment, tolerating anything anybody else does, and timidly standing by while abusers trample all over them and other innocent victims. Since when is it a sin to speak out against evil? This is what our abusers want us to believe, and they just love throwing it back in our faces anytime we protest their behavior. They provoke us to anger, they cause untold pain and suffering, and then when we finally speak up, they smugly inform us that we’re not acting like “good Christians or good Jews”. This is hogwash. Abusers would just love for us to back off and be quiet while they do anything they want and get away with murder. Satan will always try to use our righteousness against us, to get us to question our faith, and to separate us from God. This is just another one of his tricks. 

What kind of awesome, wonderful, All-Good God would our Father be if he actually wanted us to allow wickedness to operate unchecked in our families and our lives? This concept is preposterous, and contradicts the perfect goodness of the Lord. Our God is All-Good, and the devil is all-bad. They are diametrically opposed for all eternity. God instructs his saints to take a stand against evil and fight the good fight, not to keep silent and hide in the closet. It is God’s plan that good will triumph over evil. We are the Army of God. We must put on the full armor of God and stand against Satan and his army. That is our assignment, and our destiny as a child of God.

When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul....Ezekiel 33: 8-9 KJV

Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own conceit....Proverbs 26:5 KJV

 

It is truly a wonder to behold the amount of time, energy, and creativity that abusers and their Silent Partners (spouses, family members, new partners) will put into inventing an infinite variety of lame excuses to justify why they should be allowed to continue hurting others. How much easier and more constructive it would be to just re-direct and devote all of that effort into simply changing their behavior. But They Don't Want To. So, whether confronting your abuser, or reading about all of his ridiculous excuses, keep in mind that all you're really asking of his, and all he really has to do, is JUST STOP IT. Here are the reactions we ourselves experienced when we began to set limits on our controlling or abusive relatives, as well as reactions other sisters have reported.

• I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE MAD AT ME
• DENIAL
• INAPPROPRIATE AND JUVENILE DISPLAYS OF ANGER- GRITTING TEETH, SCREAMING, SPEEDING UP THE CAR, NAME CALLING, HANGING UP THE PHONE, PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN AND WALKING AWAY WHILE YOU'RE STILL ON THE LINE AND THEN PUTTING IT ON THE HOOK, BLOCKING YOU ONLINE, or SEVERAL MINUTES LATER, MIMICKING, IMITATING, OR MAKING FUN OF YOU WHEN YOU COMPLAIN OR CONFRONT HIM, ETC.
• ACCUSING YOU OF TRYING TO START AN ARGUMENT, YELLING AT HIM, SCREAMING OR SCREECHING AT HIM, OR DELIBERATELY TRYING TO UPSET HIM.
• BECOMING VINDICTIVE OR VAGUELY THREATENING-"YOU'D BETTER BE SORRY FOR WHAT YOU SAID", AS IF YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO CONFRONT HIM. CRYING OR LAYING ON A GUILT TRIP-"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY SUCH A THING TO ME", "YOU DON'T LOVE ME", "HOW CAN YOU BE SO MEAN TO YOUR OWN MOTHER/FATHER/HUSBAND/WIFE/FRIEND?"
• 'I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF', 'THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM', 'IT'S SUBCONSCIOUS', 'YOU KNOW I DON'T MEAN IT', 'I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF' AND VARIOUS OTHER MENTAL PROBLEMS
• YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME/ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT/ YOU TOOK IT THE WRONG WAY
• REFUSING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY RESTITUTION, AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.'
• HE'S OLD AND NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR
• BLAMING YOU
• BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE
• 'I DID IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD'
• 'WE WERE BOTH WRONG' OR 'WE BOTH HURT EACH OTHER' WHEN IN REALITY THE VICTIM DID NOTHING WRONG AT ALL.
• TRIANGULATION
• SARCASM
• 'I SAID I WAS SORRY' WITH NO CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR OR ACCOUNTABILITY TO YOU
• TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S BEEN GOING THROUGH OR WHAT'S GOING ON IN HIS LIFE, AS IF THAT JUSTIFIES HIM ABUSING YOU
• TELLING YOU HE HAS REPENTED TO GOD FOR WHAT HE DID TO YOU, SO HIS CONSCIENCE IS NOW CLEAR
• TELLING YOU SHE HAS REPENTED TO GOD SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE ANY AMENDS TO YOU
• TELLING YOU GOD FORGAVE HIM AND HE DOESN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO YOU OR RELIVE THE PAST
• TELLING YOU GOD FORGIVES HIM WHETHER YOU DO OR NOT.
• TELLING YOU GOD FORGIVES HIM SO YOU HAVE TO, AS WELL.
• TELLING YOU NOT TO 'JUDGE' HIM WHEN YOU ARE CONFRONTING HIM.
• TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY
• 'AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU'
• 'YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE'
• 'YOU TAKE EVERYTHING THE WRONG WAY'
• REFUSING TO HEAR YOU OUT 'I'M LEAVING IF YOU CONTINUE TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THIS'
• TURNING IT AROUND
• 'I DID THE BEST I COULD'
• 'YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM'
• TELLING YOU 'OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM'
• TELLING YOU YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIM; EVERYBODY ELSE LOVES HIM!
• 'YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING'
• 'NOTHING I DO IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH'
• DISOWNING YOU, 'I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!' "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND""I'M LEAVING YOU"
• 'YOU DESERVED IT!', 'YOU PLAYED MY GAME' OR 'YOU WERE ASKING FOR IT'
• ESCALATING THE ABUSE NOW THAT HE KNOWS IT'S GETTING TO YOU
• 'LET'S KEEP THIS BETWEEN US' , 'DON'T TELL ________'
• PRETENDING TO LOSE THEIR PATIENCE WITH YOUR COMPLAINTS-'JUST FORGET IT!' 'GET OVER IT!'
• MINIMIZING THE OFFENSE, TELLING YOU YOU'RE MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, OR MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL

from: http://www.luke173ministries.org

YOU ARE MERELY HIS "PREY"

by Ava St Clair  

The narcissist looks for those who are kind, generous, trusting, empathetic and loving, all characteristics that the narcissist does not possess. It is as if by capturing his prey, the narcissist will somehow be able to drain the victim of her good qualities and make them become his own. Narcissists do not possess these positive characteristics. Lack of empathy, love and compassion allows the narcissist to conduct his life in an all consuming pattern of controlling behaviour steeped in abuse, lies, and manipulations.

The narcissist is a human enigma to those of us that have encountered him in a personal relationship; a "murderer of souls" full of contradictions.

Initially, the narcissist will take note of the new target's behaviour. He will carefully study the target's interactions with others, her body language, tone of voice, and general demeanour. As an expert hunter, he will methodically craft his plan of attack and begin to track his target. The narcissist will slowly approach the target with complimentary words and statements. He will model himself and his behaviour to what he thinks will please his target. He will assume the behaviour of the target's "perfect man". The narcissist knows what the target desires in a partner and mate.

You Want Crazy? I Got Your Crazy..

Once he has caught the eye of his target, he will move in. The narcissist will begin by coming on very strong, telling the target that she is special and of course he is too. He will say they were meant for each other because they are different. The narcissist will constantly flatter his target and be very attentive, calling her many times a day, just to say "he" was thinking of her. He will quickly become an important person in the target's life and she will find herself swept off her feet by this "wonderful, perfect man".  

Once the narcissist has become totally ensconced in the target's life and her in his, the role will change for her from target to victim. The narcissist's dance of destruction begins with small negative comments about the victim. He will begin to mentally disassemble the victim's beliefs about herself and the relationship. What she once considered the perfect relationship now becomes a relationship that is unnerving, gut wrenching and unstable. She is constantly kept emotionally and psychologically off balance by the insidious behaviour of her narcissistic partner.  

The narcissist will make plans with his victim and cancel at the last minute. He will talk only of himself, his needs and desires. If the victim dares to express a personal need, he will instantaneously strike, like a venomous serpent, and harshly remind the victim that his needs are more important. The victim learns all too quickly to speak only of him. The narcissist will talk of making plans with the victim for their future and then the next day speaks of the future only in terms of himself. He will conveniently forget to pay back money he has borrowed from the victim. The narcissist will even go as far as to say that the victim is "too happy" and her happiness is something that he just cannot bear. He will say and do terrible things under the guise that he is not like other people, that he is much more sensitive than most and that he feels so deeply about things in general that it is "difficult" for him to relate to regular people who are not "special" like him. The victim becomes less and less of what she used to be prior to meeting the narcissist. It becomes a vicious cycle of denigration and destruction by the narcissist until there is nothing of substance left of the victim. 

Although the dismantling of the victim was skilfully orchestrated by the narcissist, he will unmercifully criticize the victim for "not being the person" he fell in love with. He will then discard the victim quickly and without regard. The cycle of destruction has been completed. The victim has been devoured by the narcissist and left by the roadside.

Example Six: Is a Control Freak, Trampling Privacy/ Boundaries

Readers, I am going to temporarily skip Kathy Krajco's Example #5 (Exhibits Unnatural & Perplexing Behavior -- Backwards Reactions to Things) simply because there is SOOOOOOOOO much to say there that I have to take my time... and it will probably be a long post.
 

One of the questions the victims I speak with always ask or bring up is 'is being a control freak part of this disorder?'

From what I have learned and been taught - Cluster B Pathology (which includes Narcissism & Sociopathy) - always includes the need for Absolute Power & Control in the relationship - whatever that is. And this power and control is done in a number of different ways - coercion, misrepresentation, trance/ suggestibility/ mind control, lying, guilt-tripping and blame-shifting to name a few.

All these types live in a world of delusion. They exploit anyone and everyone to keep their delusions alive and valid (for them). If you question them or break the delusions in any way - you become the enemy to be destroyed. Trying to 'reason with them' or 'make them see reality' is a fool's errand. Don't bother.  

For example: When YWL demanded I take all the postings around the net about him down, I politely tried. I realized later that (as I will cover in #5) he had a backward reaction. Didn't thank me - just raged even more. I even tried to tell him what happened but he didn't want to hear it. Still doesn't. Still an upside-down reaction. Because then he'd have to deal with reality - rather than his convenient delusion of blaming me for things I didn't do and have no control over. It validates YWL's rage at me for discovering who & what he REALLY IS... in black & white... in ways even his nearest and dearest hadn't.

Sociopaths and other pathologicals never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as completely permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile, controlling and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used or an object. Many like to dominate and humiliate their victims.

Very late in the 'relationship' YWL admitted to me he saw me ONLY as an object to be used for cybersex when he felt like it. He got bored early on after my ex-husband found out and confronted him. Just clicked back over to his cyberwhores & escorts and left me hanging - to be beaten and abused by my estranged-husband. YWL did this without a second thought or any remorse. 

Because to him, I was an OBJECT. And when it turned out I was a real person with real feelings - this was not part of his delusion - so he set about to destroy me. He probably will not stop until he does. As someone once said "sociopaths run from truth like vampires from a Xenon flashlight!" 

  YWL controlled WHEN cybersex happened; he cajoled me into it one way or another; when HE felt like it. He controlled things so that I would never meet his family - as I continually requested. He's currently created a picture of me to his wife such that she believes I am evil incarnate and 'obsessed' with him, as well as 'stalking him.' This controls the "flow of information."  

YWL knew that I was empathetic and liked men who loved & took care of their families; were involved with their children; were honest & real. So he discussed HIS family, HIS problems and so on with me freely. This was all to support the picture he purposefully brainwashed me into believing of him as a caring father and hard worker. He knew this would keep me reeled in. No one in their 'right mind' would do what I did - but as many therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists have told me - to my face - I wasn't in my 'right mind'. I was brainwashed. 

YWL showed only cursory interest in my issues, family, etc. His feigned interest only lasted a few months until my ex-husband confronted him. He also started to devalue me as soon as I showed him pictures of what I looked like. Despite MANY MANY MANY times me calling him on it - he convinced me he didn't care that I'd put on weight and was disabled, etc. No, he is too much of an Objectifier. 

And he proved this in his smear & distortion campaign against me. This feigned interest also kept the NLP coercion going because he knew I would not be 'sexual' with him without emotion. So the false concerns he portrayed left me believing he gave a damn and had emotions. He did not. And I now know as a sociopath - he could not and never will. 

   

As things moved along he proclaimed he was more "needy" and his language with me and desires became more disgusting, objectified and blatantly perverse. There was no intimacy, affection or respect in what he wanted - none whatsoever. YWL also blocks or bans people from his website, his Facebook, his Twitter that don't agree with him; that want to have a debate or conversation with him. I have heard from a number of them. It's his way or the highway - UNLESS HE NEEDS YOU FOR SOMETHING. Any 2-way conversations are again, feigned. 

As a true salesman - showing interest in the needs of others; even false - gives the other person (or victim) the impression there is a "relationship." As the line from Glengarry Glenross goes "ABC = Always Be Closing;" and YWL is always closing... for his own needs, his own desire for attention & control & power and nothing else.  

It took me over a year to figure out how YWL was IM'ing all the women on my AOL buddy list. What I realized was I'd somehow given him access. It was almost like he used me as a pimp - anything female was a target. He now included in his pick-up arsenal "just ask Barbara - I'm a decent guy." Since then I have developed a lot of expertise in dealing with the internet. And I have pretty much stopped IMing all together.  

Just another of the too-many-to-count examples of something YWL did that was WAY over-the-line controlling: In his one of his ongoing attempts to smear me & silence me he started googling my nicknames shortly after the blowup. Digging for dirt; like the dirt Computer Crimes found on him (and what he could not find, he made up!)

Here's one thing he found: I have had PCOS since I was 9. One of the symptoms is profuse vaginal fluid. It doesn't smell at all but if you wear colored panties, the pH of it will literally 'bleach' the crotch white. I always have a mini pack of babywipes and baby powder with me to combat it. And anyone who knows me knows I am very particular about my personal cleanliness. This symptom was worse when I was younger but its still an issue.

So YWLstalked my posting about this in a thread on the PCOS forum at Ob/Gyn Net and posted in various places on the net that I was 'a filthy smelly c*nt' or 'has personal hygiene issues' blah blah. (guess who REALLY has hygiene issues?)

One of the women with PCOS from Ob/Gyn net which is where it was posted - found it - told me and I had it removed. One of the DOCTORS who spends time running the PCOS section contacted me. I was horrified. Thousands of women on a site for a very serious hormone disorder were horrified. The DOCTORS' panel on that site reported it to the FBI as well. Talk about no boundaries...

All this to keep me from telling the truth. To scare me into silence. I am sure many of yours, readers, have gone to disgusting lengths to silence you too.

Seven warning signs of bullying, controlling narcissists are:

1. They think they know best about everything. They know what’s best for you; just ask them. They give you advice and make your life miserable if you don’t do what they say. They point out all your mistakes and failings. They’re spouses, relatives or friends who could direct your life better than you can. They’re yelling, threatening, demeaning bosses. Their absolute certainty seduces you into self-doubt and self-bullying. You become unsure of your own judgment and wisdom so you might as well follow theirs.

2. Their excitement is contagious and sweeps you along. Whether it’s for a new product, career, love interest or activity, it’s the best and greatest – even if it’s the opposite of what they thought 10 minutes ago. You should jump on board if you know what’s good for you.

3. They think they don’t have anything to learn. They’re new employees or interns who know everything and don’t need to learn from people who are already doing their jobs well. They’re nit-picking, micro-managers. They’re children or teenagers who won’t practice or learn, who won’t do anything the way other people say is best. They insist on doing it their way, even though they fail repeatedly. They won’t listen; especially when they’re failing.

4. They’re more important than you are. Actually, they’re more important than the rest of the world. Their feelings are so intense that you’re too polite or afraid to upset them by trying to make your feelings or opinions matter. Their feelings get hurt easily and are powerful justifications for anger, retaliation and revenge. Their jealousies, issues and concerns (not yours) become the focus of all interactions. Their desires – for promotions, toys they want, relationships they want, enemies they want to get – are the most important things and they’re entitled to get what they want. They’re controlling, stealth-bullying husbands. Your time – actually, your whole life – should be devoted to their needs (wants, whims).

5. Everyone is a pawn in their game. You have value only as long as you can help them or worship them. They’re selfish, arrogant, demanding teenagers, spouses or dates who think they should be catered to or waited on. Anyone who doesn’t help or who gets in the way becomes the enemy. You’re afraid that if you disagree or distance yourself, they’ll strike back at you.

6. Their excuses, excuse. Their reasons are always correct and are enough to justify what they do. If you don’t agree, you simply don’t understand or you’re evil. Their jealousies, anger and hatred are not bad characteristics – like other people’s jealousy, anger and hatred. Self-deluded narcissists (aren’t they all, by definition) think they’re merely feeling, thinking and doing what any normal person would feel, think and do. They’re saints in their own minds. You’d better agree or else.

7. Their rules, rule. They know how the world should be and how people should act. They’re allowed to do anything they want – to take, attack or strike back in any way they want – but everyone else should be bound by their rules. If your feelings are hurt by what they’ve said or done, it’s your fault and your problem. They are virtuous and righteous. They simply talk so loud, stridently and long that you give in. In order to thrive, we all need some of these characteristics some of the time. Narcissists have them all and they won’t give them up. They’d rather dominate than succeed or have relationships that bring out the greatest in everyone.

 

The last evidence of YWL's being a control freak with no boundaries is his new identity - Sammy Benoit; created very shortly after the police found out about everything. And his novella of "the truth about what really happened." All simply more attempts to rewrite history and control reality. As well of the reality of everyone who actually read or listened to what he had to say and didn't see how transparent and inherently abusive & contradictory it was.

I love getting your emails or comments below on how this was done to you. I hope this continues to validate and illuminate things for you. Will continue with #7 (Is Extremely Self-Absorbed) soon!

Example Four: Is Hated for Mysterious Reasons by People Close to Them

Since YWL wouldn't allow me to get genuinely close to him (despite him saying that I was "so important" to him and he could only "really talk to" me. And him telling myself and my best friend how "devastated" he was to lose my respect and friendship... all I really have to go on is the emails I've gotten since I started this blog. I won't reveal the who-s... yes, I know that's suspect... but I don't feel that I should put people's trust in jeopardy. Ever. 

Suffice it to say I have gotten a lot of email on this blog from people who deal YWL on a fairly frequent basis. They describe the same odd, self-involved, inappropriate and downright rude behavior from him that I saw in college. Only now it has gotten a LOT worse. 
 

I feel bad for people who have to tolerate YWL for a variety of reasons. I even tried to talk a couple of them into seeing something positive about him. Yes... that's right. Me. But they can't and I understand that. 

What's really bad is I do understand how having to act phony to be around someone you hate makes an honest person feel about themselves. That you are lowering yourself to the level of someone like YWL. That, I get. 

Here's what my late friend Kathy Krajco had to say about this trait:

In fact, another red flag is being hated -- I mean really hated -- for mysterious reasons. And by people that hating is uncharacteristic of.

If, say, a person's adult son or daughter doesn't even visit him in the hospital or go to his funeral,* there is a heavy-duty reason for that. Fortunately, it's not our responsibility to judge. But we do need to appreciate the weight of such a startling fact. People do things for reasons. They are not always good reasons or just reasons, but people do things for reasons.

*Good examples: Abraham Lincoln did not go to his father's funeral, and Barbara Bush did not go to her mother's funeral.

"What Makes Narcissists Tick", pg. 79

And here's what my friend Anna Valerious has to say:

This red flag is well understood by those of us who have been through hell with a narcissist and found ourselves loathing them and forcing no contact for our protection. We would be very unlikely to judge someone else harshly if we found out they had inordinate hatred for a particular person even a parent or sibling. So this red flag is one most of us would readily understand.

Unfortunately, most people out there in the world do not have any of this understanding. They are far too quick to judge what they don't know. They are quick to condemn our hatred of a malignant narcissist as being wrong. They are naive to a fault about people who are capable of earning such hatred -- so they condemn us.

This red flag should be put on billboards and written with sky-writing: Respect the fact that people do things for reasons therefore don't be willing to judge what you know nothing of.

Remember, Kathy is talking about a mysterious, intense hatred for a particular person in someone whom you know doesn't go around routinely hating people. Narcissists, on the other hand, have a very long "enemies list" so it can't be said it is uncharacteristic of them to hate others. It is their default and normal setting. But when you meet someone who typically gets along well with most people then know for sure that if they hate someone there is a reason for it.

It isn't for you to judge whether or not the reason is "good." Frankly, it isn't anyone's damn business.

 

Do I hate YWL? No. Hate is active. I have had a few people I considered really good friends at one time suddenly do the most unconscionable things to me. My therapist and I went through these things one by one and often we found these people probably had some sort of personality disorder; since I was a target for them. Second, they often did things just as bad or worse to others... so it wasn't "personal." And hating people that do that takes too much energy. 

People like YWL aren't worth my wasting my energy on when there are other things I can and DO do that serve a much better and more healing purpose.

I do hate what he does - like using women and lying about it. I do his view of women as warm plumbing and the things he does to coerce sex out of them... including paying for it.

He also denies hating me "four years ago"... with the underlying 'unsaid' being "but I hate you now for exposing my secret life you bitch." (subtleas a brick) In fact he said he didn't have "time" for hate for a couple reasons in this exchange... yet I was shown that within a few hours he was posting some of these things around the net. 

I do hate how he made me feel. I do hate why he did this to me. And I do hate people who lie and who try to 'drum up' support for a smear campaign to cover their misdeeds. You know - the "she's a scorned woman, bunny boiler, crazy, psycho, stalker... blah blah blah." Yes, THAT nonsense I hate.  About anyone. It's childish and its a big neon sign of lying, in part, to divert people away from the truth. 

YWL implied that I have such an 'out of control ego' that I am simply angry because he didn't love me and because he wouldn't "bang" me. Pure projection.  He also has a bridge in Brooklyn for sale, I hear.

I do hate liars. And particularly people who lie to exploit and coerce others - men, women... anyone who abuses someone's trust in them to get what they want. 

(And I hate the terrorists that attacked NYC on 9/11 - a lot of us NYers took that personally. I still do.) 

  I always say to my children "I don't hate you but I do hate your behavior." This applies to YWL also.  

What about your sociopath or narcissist? Do you hate them?
-------------------------

XXXXX@mail.net 2009-12-26 07:52:10 - Submitted on 2009/12/26 at 1:49am 

Barbara I wanted to thank you so much for all the investigative work you have done over time on the many different techniques that can be used on the human mind/psyche to brainwash and/ or hypnotize a person. I feel some of this was attempted on me and up until I read some of the stuff on your site about hypnosis and brainwashing, I hadn't a clue as to how very real that stuff is! Frightening. And by the way Barbara, I have read about this monster that caused you so much pain and mental and emotional & physical anguish – I read many of the links and have seen his pic, read his political blog, and the other links that showed where he rated escorts, all of that. It was truly an amazing insight into how sick and depraved the human mind can become – so thank you for posting it and being so honest. 

He’s obviously sexually perverted and lacking basic morals and integrity all the while trying to portray himself as an upstanding intellectual in the political & religious communities he rubs elbows in. He may say he’s changed – but we all know these types never change… they just get sneakier. He is beyond pathetic, beyond disgusting. 

Barbara, you are an angel… your honesty is helping me heal. God bless you.

Example Three: Has a History of Past Upheavals

If you know a narcissist's history, you will usually see a track of mysterious upheavals in his life. He suddenly up and moves to a different school or job in a different town every few years. That is, every time the good angels in his Pathological Space start comparing notes, get his number, and become enraged. In one narcissist I know of, these upheavals began with one in the eighth grade. " What Makes Narcissists Tick" pg. 79

In other words, once the narcissist has crapped enough in one place and it begins to stink they have to move on. The pile of excrement near the narcissist has made it clear to others who is doing the crapping. All that dung is what we call 'exposure'. Thus requiring a new scene for the narcissist.

With YWL it's not only exposure... but not getting his way or people disagreeing with him.

Instance one with me: In December 1976, YWL packed up and left the college we were attending and went to another. I didn't know where he went, he never bothered to even tell me he was going - where he was going - or keep in touch. The next time I heard from him was April 2002 when HE (yes HE) looked me up on Classmates.com. I have the first email and the police found his Classmates account and retrieval of my email to contact me, which blows the nonsense he's been spreading about me stalking him for years out of the water.  

Now prior to leaving, his roommate, David - was teasing him relentlessly. YWL introduced David and I and David dominated my life for the next 3 years. (I didn't find out until a couple weeks before I graduated that David was obsessed with me, that others knew about his obsession and waited until the bitter end to tell me. David tried to kill me and control my whole life... David was, I believe, the first sociopath I ever dealt with personally.) 

David had asked YWL if he'd ever slept with me. You see, David was enamored with me at the time and he asked me about my relationship with YWL and I was HONEST! I said 'yes, that I cared about YWL.' 

  YWL later told me (to cover his derriere) that he didn't think it was anyone's business rather than admitting he lied. (The fact that he published reviews of all the escorts he saw on a number of Hooker-Review-Sites tells me he thinks his amoral exploits are EVERYONE'S business!) 

There's a big difference between that and OUTRIGHT LYING! Which is what he did... and in a typically cruel and hurtful way.  

A bunch of us were in YWL and David's room. I was sitting at the end of David's bed with our friend Dan, looking out the window. I audibly heard David ask YWL if he'd been intimate with me. YWL's response is one I never forgot.
 

"HER?? I would NEVER sleep with her! She's not my type. Besides she's not even Jewish."

I got up an excused myself from the room. Didn't tell anyone I'd heard that dagger in my stomach. 

But YWL had been blowing me off and avoiding me since he started rooming with David. This "I would NEVER..." incident did it for me. I started to ignore YWL and avoid him too. 

YWL wasn't quite done with harming me. Sociopathic types never are with open-hearted people. No. Just before he packed up and left, YWL told David that yes, in fact he HAD been intimate with me. And then bolted the school and any responsibilities he may have had towards anyone there.  

The result? When I returned from Winter Break in early January 1977, David called my room (which was right downstairs) and asked me to come up. He'd obviously been ruminating over the break. He'd called my home a few times during break to chat, saying he missed me, but said nothing about this revelation. 

But now, I walked into David's room and he grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled that YWL had confirmed that we had been intimate and that he was furious with me! I was pushed/ thrown into YWL's old now-empty closet. I got up and ran downstairs, locking myself in my room. 

This was the beginning of the contentious campaign and dramatically covert abusive relationship David ran on me almost until we graduated. I am lucky to be alive. And I never heard an apology from YWL, nor anying "owning" of the results of his behavior towards me ever.   REMORSELESS.

This history of past upheavals can be more subtle than the narcissist having to physically pull up stakes and move to a new place. This is what Kathy is talking about though. If you are acquainted with someone who keeps telling you about how they had to get rid of this person, that person and the other person where all the blame rests on the other party or they had to get away -- you are witnessing a "history of past upheavals" and it is a sign you are looking at a narcissist. Moving about geographically is only one outward sign of past upheavals. High turnover in social circles and relationships is the subtler sign. I call it subtler because it requires a knowledge of that person's social history for you to follow the trend.

YWL later put me on the defensive (see article excerpts at the bottom of this post) by saying that he thought "David made me hate [him]." Not that he'd put me on the curb like garbage when he was done using me. No... somehow HE was the victim!  

YWL also says that HE broke up the 5 year engagement relationship between himself and his ex-fiance (the person he says he SHOULD have married). I wonder about that. From what he told me, if there was any truth to it... it was volatile and revolved around sex, sex and more sex. (who knows what was real and what wasn't there)  

YWL also has a poor job history since 2001. Lots of periods of unemployment. Whether it be redundancy, turnover or just bad timing... this guy's having a lot of problems maintaining income. 

He looked me up online during a period of unemployment and manipulated, brainwashed and lied to me to turn me into some 'online freebie.' Something I would never have been on my own if I wasn't brainwashed!

Kathy stated that, "every time the good angels in his Pathological Space start comparing notes, get his number, and become enraged" that it forces the narcissist to fold up his tent and move away. It is possible that the narcissist you know has managed to arrange a Pathological Space where there are no "good angels" to hold him or her to account.

Remember YWL's lame apology about what happened? I know Elizabeth mentioned numerous times how he PROMISED her he'd be back in touch once he calmed his wife down. She had a very hard time believing she'd been dumped so quickly. But once she did realize it - she was enraged. 

I myself, have never heard from him again - and hope I never do. Just the thought of attempting to be polite to him again and his backward reaction to anything makes my stomach churn.

Sometimes the narcissist is able to form a family circle (or any social circle) in which there are no dissenters. Either the dissenters have fled or have been forcefully ousted by the majority rule of the narcissist and his underlings.

This scenario of the narcissist gaining a large enough mass of sychophants, enablers, beta narcissists in his Pathological Space means it can camoflage this red flag to onlookers and acquaintances. Beware.

In this case look for a cult following. If you find a person with a cult-leader type of effect on the people in his social circle then you can be damned sure you're looking at a narcissist. In a cult-type setting it always looks like the "Cult Leader" is the immovable rock never having to vacate his setting but forcing out those who don't fit in. It is a fake-out form of stability. Remember that families can be cult-like in construct.

This may or may not be what is going on with YWL's family and friends - I don't know but from what I've heard it is: no dissent allowed. (Another reason why he's such a good example for people to understand this type of Pathological) 

Oddly, YWL did tell me (the police & my lawyer have the verified chats) many times that his mother and sister sexually abused him when he was a child, numerous times. Looking for sympathy again with a constructed lie?

Click here for another example of YWL's lack of tolerance for a difference of opinion and getting as far away from debate and fair discussion as possible; unapologetically.  

To finish the example here, some excerpts from a wonderful article by Steve Becker, LSCW:

Accepting the Blame to Preserve the Relationship

Here’s a theme I think we can relate to: Your partner (a male in this example, strictly for convenience’s sake)—a narcissist, or perhaps sociopath—blames you for his misery, bad moods, bad decisions, frustrations, dissatisfactions, disappointments and underfulfillment. From his perspective, if he cheats on you—or deceives and betrays you—you will have deserved it, because you will have been responsible for the discontent that necessitated his violating behaviors. Remember he feels entitled to have what he wants; he deserves what he wants, when he wants it; and if he’s frustrated, it must be someone’s fault. Someone must be blamed, and you, his partner, will be his odds-on choice to own his blame.
 

It’s amazing how often we accept, against our better instincts, the narcissistic/sociopathic partner’s insistence that we are responsible for his infinite emptiness.

 

We do so for many reasons, but the one I’d like to stress is this: If we don’t accept this responsibility, his blame, we seriously risk losing the relationship.

..............

   

A couple I spent some time with recently (clinically) illustrated this point well. The husband, Harold, was one of the most transparent narcissistic personalities I’ve ever seen. He’d recently ended an affair with a colleague (justifying the affair as a function of his right to pursue the fulfillment his spouse, Julia, wasn’t supplying). ......... But while recognizing these alarming warnings, she was already too deeply invested in her vision of the relationship—and Harold—to end it. 
-------------------------

On a final note, YWL 'justified' his 'relationships' with both myself and Elizabeth by telling both of us (remember verified copies of chats are on file) that his wife was cold, pious, hated sex, he was sooooo lonely, he NEEDED, he couldn't handle the lack of love/ sex... etc... There is NO JUSTIFICATION for the depraved games a pathological grooms & lures us into. None whatsoever. The blame is solely theirs.  

Kathy Krajco's Example Four: is Hated for Mysterious Reasons by People Close to Them - is next. It will probably be short because a lot of it is covered in this post!

YIDWITHLID and CHARACTER ASSASSINATION

(This is YWL right down to last trait!! He still does it on his blog.)

You may be one of the unfortunate ones who were unfortunate to cross roads with a psychopath. If you’re fortunate, you were only temporarily targeted by the psychopath, and were used (possibly abused or picked-clean) then discarded like yesterday’s trash. Psychopaths excel at blending-in with society and they permeate all walks of life. You may encounter them at work, in religious organizations or you may find yourself in an intimate relationship with one.

Some people are lifetime targets of Psychopathic Character Assassination (Psyca) a full-on unbridled attempt by the “Path” (used interchangeably to represent either a psychopath or sociopath) to totally destroy any credibility that the unsuspecting victim may have had.

What makes this victim so special over the other victims, that they are targeted to be the recipients of a possibly life-long dedication to end all normal social interaction or positive human connection with other inhabitants of our planet?

Simply stated, in most cases, victims of Psychopaths  normally self-select by knowing too much about the Path.

Paths routinely maintain at least two separate personas. One, a positive, gregarious, revered personality that is embraced by unsuspecting society, the other is their dark Path self: their evil twin. They may have many other personalities that they dial-in at any particular moment to manipulate their current audience (not to be confused with multi-personality disorder because they change personas at will with the intent to defraud).

It is imperative that the Path keep their dark sides hidden from the general populace. Think about it; if anyone knew who they really were, their lives would crumble. To the Path, protecting the secrecy of their true innate evil is as important to them as anything that provides life or sense of purpose to any other normal human being.

Paths usually launch their Psych-attacks following a very calculated formula. Even though there is no known, “playbook,” that has been published for the Paths to follow, they all intuitively use the same system to ruin the lives of those who they feel may be a threat to the sacred secrecy of his or her true self. Certainly, making a potential witness appear to be a crazy, mentally disturbed, narcissistic sociopath, psychopath or pathological liar is the logical solution.

LAYING THE GROUNDWORK

Years of research and experience has concluded that usually within the first moments of engaging with a victim who might have access to too much personal information on the Path, They begin to sow the seeds of doubt and lack of trustworthiness behind the victim’s back.
The Path draws in the friends, family co-workers and acquaintances of the victims with his or her personal charm in an effort to build a (false) trust relationship with the fringe audience. This is accomplished with little effort as the Path has innate skills that easily manipulate the perceptions of others endearing them to him or her as they wield their persuasiveness and charm.

The initial impact, though appearing quite harmless and innocuous is commonly cloaked in the appearance of sincere concern for the victim’s well-being and might sound something, like, “I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but have you ever thought that (insert victim’s name) may not be what he (or she) appears to be?” No accusations, no data, reports or inclinations of anything concrete, just tilling the soil and fertilizing it with a little doubt.

All the while, they are increasing their own credibility with someone who may be a family member, friend, co-worker or acquaintance of the intended victim; unaware that they are being groomed as the Path’s minion who will be turned against the victim when the time is right.

SOWING FALSE “FACTS”

Grooming from this point forward will take a secretive slant and will likely be presupposed with something, like, “Don’t tell (insert name), but…” as they actually sow seeds of doubt.

As the relationship between the Path and his minion(s) grows deeper, more and more seeds will be sown in an effort to cast doubt, while the victim is none the wiser.

I’ve always thought it peculiar, that in most cases, these once close associates of the victim rarely, if ever, courteously approach them with the sensitive information with a sincere, “Hey, I was just wondering about (insert reports of lack of sanity, trustworthiness, a secret double-life, illicit drug-use, illegal activities, pathological symptoms, etc…)…” that would definitely be an early indicator that something was up.

In most, if not all, circumstances the victim continues to navigate their life’s journey unaware that the world they once enjoyed is being eroded or destroyed behind their back.

It is common for the Path to project their own psychological attributes onto you. For instance, if they are a closet illicit drug user, then this will be represented as being a problem for you. If he or she is manipulative or controlling, this would be presented as something that you struggle with unbeknownst to others. If they tend to make up elaborate stories, it will be the victim who secretly lives a fantasy-life where nothing is as it seems… on and on and on…

Why? Because no one knows these attributes better than the Path. They are the undeniable expert in these pathologies and they know how critical it is for someone who has them to keep them a secret in an effort to appear to be normal.

In no way am I suggesting that the Path might limit their Psych-attacks to their own attributes. They are extremely acute at the skill of taking a known truth and spinning it into a ludicrous conclusion that will cast a dark shadow on anyone at any time.

ENTER THE “SPIN”

Paths have the ability to spin any factual data into an amazing story that will breed conspiracy or contempt for any individual at will.

For instance, let’s say that you had a hard day at work all day, due to struggling with an intense ongoing headache. Everyone at work could tell that you were not “on your game” as usual. If you intimated to the Path that you had a headache; that would give them the data that they needed to spin a tale.

The tale may take many shapes and forms, but will be consistent with some of the previous seeds that had been sown against you. For instance, if the Path’s intention was to have you appear to his or her minions that you were a closet illicit drug user, he or she might intimate, “Wow, did you notice that (insert your name) was out of it yesterday? It’s normal to go through withdrawals when you don’t get your fix before you get to work… It’s so sad…”

No matter what you say or do, you cannot prevent the Path from spinning it into a negative story about you that will erode your sense of normalcy.

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

When the Path has a clue that you are coming to the end of your usefulness in the accomplishment of their goals, he or she ramps up the defamation, usually making it appear that it is you who is beginning to attack them. At this point the Path will appeal to their minions’ sensibilities as they present themselves as the sacrifice, martyr or victim of your psychotic manipulations.

It will become apparent to you when your relationship with the Path is coming to an end, that there has been a definite polarity has taken place. People who were once your friends will drift away… and you will notice a gravitation toward the Path.

Having no internal filter, they will stop at nothing in an effort to humiliate you. They will spout vile accusations, even proclaim you’re mentally ill, if it will support their proclamation that you cannot be trusted or are inherently evil.

Trying to defend yourself is almost pointless. If the Path is quite proficient – as most of them are very accomplished – anything that you say in your defense will appear to be a part of your psychosis and will strengthen all of the groundwork that the Path has laid in preparation of this moment.

Even if the Path’s relationship with the minions begins to dissolve (as it almost always does when the Path moves on in search of new victims and minions), the seeds will always leave a mark in their minds… and as heartbreaking as it may be, in most cases, regardless of the ultimate outcome of the Path’s lifestyle, there may be no hope for recovering the life that you once knew.

Jobs and careers may be lost, friends will turn their backs on you, family members will distance themselves, the people that you once trusted with your most intimate thoughts and feelings will always wonder who you “really were” all the time they knew you.

THE RELENTLESS COMMITMENT TO YOUR DESTRUCTION

There is no way to anticipate how long the attacks will take place. In some cases, if the Path is the least bit concerned that you might at some point discredit them or tarnish their appearance or reputation… the attacks will continue. If the Path believes that at any point you could be a threat to their charade, the spinning will not cease. This perceived threat may continue until either of you cease to be.

Many Paths have come right out and made bold, public declarations that they, “will not rest until you are,” locked up, put away, homeless, or dead.

MEDIA MANIPULATION

Paths may even go as far as to manipulate the media. In many cases a Path may launch a character assassination media campaign in an effort to make certain that you will have little or no credibility whatsoever. Media campaigns may include radio shows, newspapers, magazines and social media pays quite effectively into their slanderous toolbox.

SOCIAL MEDIA

If you are active in social media, it is not very hard to tap into your network, and start spinning your friends, followers or associates against you as they spin everything you say or do against you.

SOURCE

IT IS RAPE!!

In a First, a Man Is Charged for Rape Over the Internet

 Sweden’s laws don’t require penetration to call it rape. 

 This article originally appeared on Motherboard. 

 Warning: This post and links within contain depictions of sexual abuse and rape. 

Society’s wrestled with the idea of what is and isn’t rape online since the dawn of avatars and chat rooms. Even before graphic user interfaces and the modern internet, “rape” happened in text-based servers—the most infamous, perhaps original, example documented in Julian Dibbell’s 1993 essay, “A Rape in Cyberspace,” which described abuse in a MUD server. In 2007, Belgium police investigated a Second Life user for “virtual rape.” World of Warcraft has a rape den. Harassment and abusive behavior in virtual worlds is rampant. 

But on Thursday—in a first for Sweden, and possibly for the world—a court found a man guilty of rape over the internet. He’d coerced children in Canada, the US, and Britain into performing sexual acts in front of a webcam while he watched, by threatening them and their families if they didn’t comply, according to the Associated Press. 

Prosecutors say that Bjorn Samstrom, a 41-year-old Swedish man, “threatened to post photos of the 26 girls and one boy on pornography sites or to kill their relatives unless they performed sex acts as he watched.” He targeted his victims, all under age 15, between 2015 and early 2017. He also recorded them, adding a child pornography possession charge to his sentencing of 10 years in prison and $131,590 total in damages to the victims. 

Samstrom never met them in person, but Swedish law does not require penetrative intercourse to be considered “rape.” 

“Most rape laws actually require the accused to have themselves sexually penetrated the victim, so in almost any other country it would be impossible to prosecute what happened here as rape,” James Chalmers, Regius professor of law at the University of Glasgow, told me in an email. “It will definitely set a precedent in Sweden, although it was already clear there that in principle there could be a rape conviction in a case like this.

”This is the first conviction of its kind in Sweden, and it’s probably the first conviction like this in any country. Thursday’s ruling isn’t likely to lead to more rape prosecutions for this behavior in other countries or change precedents around the world, Chalmers said. “But it might encourage other countries to think about how they define rape in legislation.”

https://www.vice.com/en_id/article/9kdwy7/in-a-first-a-man-is-charged-for-rape-over-the-internet

THE SAME PREDICTABLE APOLOGIES

“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator’s first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization.

After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: "it never happened; the victim lies; the victim exaggerates; the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it is time to forget the past and move on." The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater is his prerogative to name and define reality, and the more completely his arguments prevail.”

Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

TRIGGERS LATELY - SIMILAR BEHAVIOR

THEY EVEN LOOK SOMEWHAT ALIKE!!

Like much of America, I’ve been watching the Harvey Weinstein scandal unfold, appalled but not surprised. More than 40 women have now accused the famous and powerful movie producer, whose films have won 81 Oscars, of sexual harassment and even rape.

The Weinstein Company, which he co-founded, fired him. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences threw him out. The Los Angeles police have opened an investigation.

Still, Hollywood has always been about starlets who want to make it big and powerful men who took advantage of them — that’s why everyone knows about the “casting couch.”

So I wondered — was Weinstein just a prolific user of the couch, or was he disordered?

The answer came in an article published by the New Yorker yesterday in which current and former employees of the Weinstein Company described their boss’s behavior. Although no one used the word, they described a raging psychopath.

Here’s how the article starts:

• Harvey throttled someone.

• Harvey called an employee a f*cking moron.

• Harvey threw the shoes, the book, the phone, the eggs.

• Harvey went to work with his shirt on inside-out and no one had the courage to tell him.

•  If you f*cking say anything to him, the assistant said to the other assistant, I’m dead. 

• Harvey would eat the fries off your plate, smash them in his face, and wash them down with a cigarette and a Diet Coke.

• He belittled and berated: You can’t name three Frank Capra movies? What the f*ck are you even doing here? 

• He was funny; he was grotesque, a boisterous, boorish, outrageous, gluttonous caricature of a man, a Hollywood type. A “man of appetites”; a philanderer; a cartoon beast, surrounded by beauties.

A group of employees submitted a statement to the New Yorker saying that they didn’t know how bad Weinstein was. Here’s how they described him:

• a man with an infamous temper
• manipulative
• a womanizer with extramarital affairs
• unbridled ambition
• aggressive deal making
• insatiable desire to win and get what he wanted
• unabashed love for celebrity

So Harvey Weinstein may be more than a sexual predator. These are all examples of psychopathic behavior.

Harvey Weinstein’s former employees reckon with what they knew and what they didn’t, on NewYorker.com.

Compulsive liar

TWO SOCIOPATHS IN A POT

Haven't been able to even watch more than snippets of the current Presidential Debates.  I've known too many Narcissists and Sociopaths in my day and TRUMP is hitting every single button.

Another reason - YWL did the same stuff to and said the same stuff about me - and probably still does:

Here's some snippets of things said to me and others by YWL and things said by Trump recently;

• I never said that
• She's crazy
• That never happened
• She's fat/ugly/I wouldn't touch her/bang her (paraphrased)
• I didn't do that
• She's a liar
• Wrong
• She's a criminal (YWL meant me; Trump meant Clinton)

And the projection?  Ohhhhhh the projection.  

Anyone who listens to either of these guys needs to have their heads examined, in my opinion.

__________________________________________

Donald Trump: Profile Of A Sociopath

by Daniel Berger

With the Republican National Convention now completed, the question of whether Donald Trump would “pivot” to the general election and tone down his offensive and erratic behavior has been answered: absolutely not. In the aftermath of his angry, delusional acceptance speech and his subsequent actions (including his recent invitation to Vladimir Putin to commit cyber-espionage and his outrageous attacks on Khizr and Ghazala Khan), the question of Trump’s sanity from a clinical, psychological perspective must be raised.

Amazingly, given his erratic behavior for more than a year, the issue of Trump’s mental stability has received relatively little attention. The most comprehensive recent discussion of this subject was in the June issue of The Atlantic. There, a professional psychologist, Dan P. McAdams, provided a psychological profile of Trump for the purpose of assessing the potential impact of Trump’s personality on his possible presidency. McAdams’ portrayal of Trump was hardly flattering, but concluded that, although Trump’s personality is “extreme,” Trump was just as likely to be a good president as a bad one.

Unfortunately, McAdams’ analysis completely missed the point. The question is not whether Trump’s personality is “extreme.” Rather, it is whether he is disturbed in a psychological sense and, if so, whether his possible personality disorders could lead to disastrous consequences if he were to assume the vast powers of the U.S. Presidency.

“Amazingly, given his erratic behavior for more than a year, the issue of Trump’s mental stability has received relatively little attention.”

Given Trump’s obsessive focus on himself, his complete inability to tolerate criticism, his vindictiveness toward his opponents, his bullying and public insults, and his inappropriate and offensive public rhetoric, the disorder that comes most readily to mind is a narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissistic personality disorder is defined as a personality “characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.” It is classified as a cluster B personality disorder by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-5 of the American Psychiatric Association (“DSM”) which currently represents the most definitive compilation of mental disorders followed by the mental health profession in this country.

A narcissistic personality disorder can be accompanied by a large number of deleterious traits and behaviors including arrogance, callousness and envy, and is associated with a preoccupation with power, prestige and vanity. Other negative characteristics include “grandiosity” and “a distain and lack of empathy for others.” Worryingly, this condition is also characterized by exploitive behavior to achieve personal gain, exaggeration of skills and accomplishments and intolerance of the views of others. Pathological narcissism is also associated with derogation and insults of others and an inability to tolerate disagreements or criticisms.

Alternatively, Trump could also be suffering from an antisocial personality disorder. An antisocial personality disorder involves a pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others and includes such negative characteristics as deceitfulness as indicated by repeated lying or conning and manipulation of others, aggressiveness, and consistent irresponsibility. A person suffering from an antisocial personality disorder is often referred to as a sociopath. According to the DSM-5, narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders overlap with each other including in terms of lack of remorse and disregard for the wishes, rights, and feelings of others and can even co-exist, as in narcissistic megalomania.

Based on his bombastic and erratic behavior over the last year, and what is known about Trump’s past (which McAdams and others have referred to), Trump exhibits characteristics of both types of personality disorders:

• He is a serial and compulsive (pathological) liar. PolitiFact named Trump the winner of its annual “Lie of the Year” Award in 2015 - - a competition which PolitiFact said “was not even close,” unquestionably in reference to the fact that it rated 72% of Trump’s public remarks about factual circumstances as false. Any further doubt about Trump’s capacity for truthfulness should be erased by even a cursory review of the website, Trumplies.com - - a vast compendium of misstatements, inaccuracies and outright falsehoods - - or his speech accepting the Republican nomination for president, or his defamation of Ted Cruz’s father in his first post-convention news conference or his recent statement to the New York Times about NATO which was reported the next day and which he categorically denied. The Times then released a verbatim transcript of its interview with Trump which clearly showed that his denial of earlier in the day was patently false.

• Trump’s dishonesty in his business dealings is shocking and unprecedented for a presidential candidate. Recently, the New York Times published an investigation about Donald Trump’s business dealings and discovered, inter alia, that Trump was a defendant in literally thousands of law suits primarily brought by service providers and vendors whom he failed to pay for services rendered to him or his business organizations. It is abundantly clear that failing/refusing to pay vendors is part of Trump’s business model. What type of reputable businessman - - with a shred of integrity - - would conduct business in such a manner? For this, and other reasons, several major financial institutions including JPMorgan Chase and Goldman Sachs flatly refuse to do business with Trump. Indeed, Trump’s reputation in business is as a scam artist; as Mitt Romney, the last candidate for president of the Republican Party, put it, Trump is a “con man” and “snake-oil salesman.” Readers should look no further than the allegations involved in the Trump “University” scandal to find serious support for Romney’s conclusions.

• There is overwhelming evidence that Trump cannot tolerate any form of criticism no matter how slight and that he is vindictive in the extreme. The confrontations that Trump had with reporters and news organizations during the primary process, particularly his weeks-long attack on Megyn Kelly are illustrative of this point, as is his shameful, despicable conformation with Khizr Khan and his wife. There is also evidence that has not been publicly disseminated that Trump has misused officers of the New York City Policy Department to retaliate against his perceived enemies in New York City and to harass and threaten the personal safety of his opponents.

• Trump never apologizes for any missteps or intemperate attacks and has demonstrated a remarkable lack of empathy for persons whom he has attacked, injured, or harmed. Numerous incidents, both recent and historical, establish Trump’s utter lack of either accountability or empathy.

• Trump has a fixation with the idea of “winners” and “losers” - - a frequent mantra of his campaign for the Presidency. Trump’s universe consists of “winners” and “losers” and Trump particularly focuses on losers - - which includes any opponent or person who disagrees with him. Losers are people who “deserve to lose,” a clear indication of his indifference to, and rationalization for, injuring or humiliating others.

• Trump’s angry, menacing Convention acceptance speech can only be regarded as delusional and demented and gave the appearance of the ravings of a lunatic. The arrogance and delusional nature of the mantra, “I alone,” repeated in his acceptance speech is a clear indication of the presence of both disorders.

• Trump’s reaction to protesters during the primaries and to critics at the Democratic National Convention by threatening their physical safety (“I want to hit them”; “They should be carried out on a stretcher”) is highly indicative of antisocial behavior.

• Although initially regarded benignly by the media as being “unconventional” (“This year is different”), Trump’s failure to conform to established norms for behavior in public and in running a national political campaign for president is also highly sociopathic.

Although a number of commentators on Trump’s mental state (including McAdams) have documented many characteristics of Trump’s possible personality disorders, they scrupulously refrain from exploring the strong possibility that Trump may be mentally disturbed in a clinical, psychological sense and the nature of such disturbances. They refer only obliquely to a possible narcissistic personality disorder by characterizing Trump’s behavior as “grandiose” in nature - - but without any further explanation. They also eschew any reference to Trump as a psychopath or a sociopath.

However, more important than the labels, these commentators fail to consider the potential adverse consequences, if a person like Trump were to acquire the powers of the modern U.S. presidency. Of prime consideration, the president is both Commander-in-Chief of the armed forces and heads up the national security agencies responsible for both the internal and external security of the United States. These powers include control of the FBI, the NSA, the CIA, DHS, and other federal agencies, whose operations are largely carried out in secret. Most of the president’s national security powers are historically broad either in the form of inherent powers or as broadly delegated by Congress and, as a practical matter, are typically unreviewable by Congress or the courts, particularly in an emergency.

Predictions - - both good and bad - - as to the possible consequences of a Trump presidency are, of course, a matter of speculation at this point. McAdams, for example, implicitly concludes that, notwithstanding his personality flaws, Trump was just as likely to do good things as bad, citing the presidency of Andrew Jackson as a “populist” precedent.

However, even assuming that Jackson is a helpful historical analogy, McAdams never seriously considered the potential downside of a Trump presidency in light of his personality flaws. Given the strong possibility of one or more disorders in Trump’s personality, Trump represents an extraordinary danger and risk to the nation in the form of abuses of power.

This danger and this risk are not purely conjectural: Trump has already threatened to abuse these powers should he obtain them. The single most disqualifying action Trump has engaged in to date relates to Jeff Bezos and the Washington Post. In response to criticism by the Post and the possibility that a large number of its journalists have been tasked to investigate Trump’s past (as is true of any presidential candidate), Trump has indicated that should he become president, he will launch an IRS investigation of Bezos—the owner of the Post and CEO of Amazon—and an antitrust investigation of Amazon.

Use of federal agencies for political purposes by a president is a flat-out abuse of power and an impeachable offense punishable by removal from office. Indeed, Article III of the Impeachment Resolution that the House of Representatives passed against Richard Nixon in 1974 involved just such uses of the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the CIA. In other words, before even assuming office, Trump has threatened to engage in an abuse of power, rising to the level of an impeachable offense!

Under the circumstances it would be prudent to take Trump at his word and, at least, consider the possibility that he would engage in significant abuses of power, if he were elected. Given Trump’s evident ignorance of the complex constellation of policy issues facing the nation from both a domestic and international perspective, his apparent lack of understanding of the constitutional division and separation of powers between our three branches of government and, given his personality flaws and/or disorders, it would not only be foolish, but foolhardy, to turn over the powers of the U.S. presidency to Trump.

In this light, and faced with this reality, all persons of good will who care about the future of the country should do everything within reason to prevent Trump from obtaining these powers.

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