YIDWITHLID'S THREAT (March 19, 2004 confirmed)

 

HERE'S WHAT I TOOK TO NYPD. I went to the XXth Precinct on March 20, 2004, to my lawyer on March 22, 2004 and to Computer Crimes in Manhattan on March 25, 2004 (when they gave me an appointment). Look out here comes the REAL Jeff Dunetz! Not the charming predator who says anything to anyone to get what he wants from them. No.. here's the abusive bully who lashes out when he's caught - the psychopath who attacks when someone finds out what he really is and he hadn't yet had time to think up the lie to cover the truth! 
 

Jeff: Let me make this clear. You got me back its done !!! Next there is a call, email letter anthing to me my office or anyone in my family or anyone about me from you or ANYONE I will swear out an order of protection with the police.
And you better believe that the copy of it I send to [your estranged husband] will have some of the prose you sent to [YWL's wife] ..Plus some added tidbits of my own. Fedex goes to Queens
Barbara: I read that
Jeff: nothing on the web either - I will assume its from you
Barbara: my estranged husband knows everything
Barbara: you cant hurt me anymore
Barbara: what on the web
Barbara: what are you talking about
Jeff: I am a great emglisser (YIDDISH TERM FOR B*LLSH*TTER)
Barbara: huh? you are sick
Jeff: [your estranged-husband] might find that it was physical
Jeff: its over

Barbara: he already thinks that, so what

Jeff: Ill give him proof
Barbara: so what... you can't do anything to me [Jeff]
Barbara: that hasn't already been done
Barbara: my therapist and my doctors know
Barbara: everyone knows
Barbara: I just hope as your friend you get help
Jeff: I will see to it your children are taken away
Jeff: I am on more durgs than I will ever understand
JEff: my friend ? lol
Barbara: I pray they work

Jeff  CLICKED OFF THEN OR BLOCKED ME - or both. ("prose" I guess indicates he'd already started telling his wife I was stalking him.  Trying to lure him. Okie dokey  LOL)


This made me go to the Police - who, in turn, did some deep web searches and found out about the hookers - who then told Elizabeth and myself and started the ball rolling for the closing of a $3M a year brothel, a couple escort booking agencies and a Temporary Order of Protection for me and my children.

The fact that this chat upset me so bad and the "force" of what Jeff said to me - that I had to go to the Police says one thing in retrospect:

How much he meant to me and how very little I ever meant to him. Even as a friend.

Apparently only Jeff says when things start and end. I was not to feel any hurt for being lied to. Or hurt for taking abuse because of him - because to Jeff I was just words on a screen, right? Like all psychopaths - he saw me and others as just objects!

The original chat is on file with source codes, verified - with the XXth Precinct, NYPD Computer Crimes and my attorney. I did not alter it in any way. NYPD told me they are keeping this sealed because of the trial & conviction of 2 brothel owners. I had already told his wife. And that was the ONLY person in Jeff's life I told. I sent her 3 packages, as soon as I got stuff I sent it to her.

She was only person I ethically needed to tell. As you can see Jeff already made up his mind he was going to lie, blame, slander and smear me.

And he has never fully stopped.

Imagine you are a narcissist. Remember also that you have this unbearable pain inside, the pain of unbearable shame. All your life you have felt like you're inferior, not up to standards, worthy of contempt. But you keep awareness of that at bay by playing pretend that the opposite is true = that you are god and that the rest of humanity (except for the very special people like you) are dirt beneath your feet.

So, 99% of the time, that's what you think you are - a god. It's self delusion. But every time someone treats you like an ordinary man or woman and as their equal, worthy of your consideration and respect, they are challenging your precious delusions of superiority. You HATE that! Because every time they relate to you as a man, they are NOT relating to you as a god. And that makes those true feelings you have repressed surface to consciousness on you. You must stop that from happening.

So, in terror, you instantly attack anyone who says or does something that reminds you that you are not God. Like a three-year-old playing Pretend with her friends, you stamp your foot and yell (in so many words), "NO! You're not supposed to say THAT! You're supposed to say THIS!"

You thus train the people around you not to say or do anything that conflicts with your delusions of superiority. That is, you train them to play along with your script in your game of Pretend. But you cannot stop everything from happening that calls your true feelings to consciousness. And they are too painful.

So, you go berserk with the pain whenever they start to surface, wildly doing anything you can to instantly repress them to the subconscious again. I often liken this subconscious-burying behavior to someone frantically shoving dirt on a corpus delicti to keep it buried in one of those old horror movies.

You will do anything - ANYTHING - to prevent a moment of self awareness! Because you have this dark, unutterable terror that it would kill you. Really, you are that frantically afraid of seeing your true self in a mirror. So, you are playing Pretend 100% of the time. 24-7-365.

You pretend that you are not lowdown by pretending the antidote = pretending that you are a god. And you pretend that you are a god by treating others like dirt. You pretend that you are not amoral by pretending the antidote = pretending that you are a saint. And you pretend that you are saint by portraying others as sinners. And so on and on and on and on.

Bottom Line: You kill your pain by causing others pain. (In other words, like a three-year-old, you pretend that you can transfer it to others.) You glorify your image by trashing others' image.

In other words, you exploit people, brutally as unfeeling and inhuman as a psychopath about the pain and damage you are doing to them by this. You thus make others bleed just to maintain your delusions and keep you from knowing yourself as you are. Others must bleed so that you can feel good, so that a moment of self awareness doesn't make you just kill yourself.

Is that not exactly what the predator thinks? The wolf thinks the lamb must bleed so that he can eat and live. The wolf thinks that this is what lambs exist for - to feed HIM. And that's what predators, like sexual predators, emotional predators, child predators, pyschopaths, and other brands of narcissists think other people exist for = to FEED them.

To kill all human sympathy in themselves (which would make it impossible for them to do what they wanna do), they just pretend that others are inferior beings, like bugs. Hence they don't relate humanly to their human victims. They relate to them as but objects By projecting it onto others.

But what if you get into trouble for doing these things? What if you end up before a judge or in a psychiatrist's office? What if the neighbors find out and start looking at you askance? Remember, you do everything solely for effect, to get the reaction you want out of these people. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you will do. You will just switch masks.

Now you put on your "victim" mask. Your "Who-poor-little-old-me?-I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly" act. What better place for the devil to hide? Now you whine about what a wretched childhood you had. Now, so that people don't realize that you are just a predator who attacks any vulnerable prey in sight, you say that the victim hurt your poor, poor, tender feelings and that you were just lashing out in self defense.

What happened to your God-act? You just put that away for the time being, because it won't get you what you want from people under the current circumstances. Besides, it's funny. Your own private inside joke.

People don't have NPD; NPD has people.

Narcissist Personality Disorder does not leave such concrete evidence around like empty bottles, mysterious car dents, drunk-driving charges or visibly injured spouses. No, it feeds on the less concrete aspects of our lives. Damage is visited upon the people around NPD sufferers, and the behavior of the NPD sufferer is explained away using countless plausible rationalizations. To help my own understanding, I have come up with a metaphor for the disorder and the person who is afflicted by it. The metaphor is one of a puppeteer (the disorder itself) and a puppet (the person with the disorder). Let's explore the puppet metaphor to help understand how Narcissistic Personality Disorder works. The puppet metaphor illustrates what I believe is the salient challenge of NPD for those people around it: you think you are dealing directly with a person, but you are not. Instead, you are dealing with someone under the control of NPD. Here is what I have read about and experienced first hand. Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferers:

• Lack the ability to empathize. They can fake it on and off, but if you have enough exposure to the person, eventually you will see this pattern clearly. They may show zero emotion when hearing news of, for example, deep suffering of huge numbers of people.
• As psychiatrist Thom Hartmann says, they "Kiss up and Kick Down", meaning they are incapable of having truly healthy relationships. They regard other humans as a kind of resource to be used for their own ends.
• Loathe themselves. Extensive research shows that NPD is rooted in denied love at the very early stage of the sufferer's life, and they spend the rest of their life devouring others in a futile attempt to fill this void.
• Go from incredible highs to deep lows. When they are high, they might not be able to stop talking. When they are low, they struggle to say good morning.
• They fly into a rage at the slightest provocation on some days. And at other times, they seem impervious even to the most brutal attack. They might stay awake all night wrestling with a single innocuous thing you said to them the day before, and then launch at you the next day with some bizarre logical conclusion of it.
• When you challenge their behavior, you may quickly move from Friend to Enemy. Sufferers of NPD think in black-and-white terms. You are either "with them or against them".
• Ultimately, they are at the center of the universe. Just like an alcoholic, they will risk a lot to get their next fix.
• Their relationships with newcomers go through three stages that I have identified: (1) Enchantment to (2) Disenchantment to (3) Contempt.
• NPD starts early and its sufferers have over decades developed an impressive range of dis-empowerment skills, from "you are being too sensitive" to talk about a person being a "good person" or a "bad person". (Who are they to judge!).
They are masters at setting one person against another, and they construct a culture of distrust and hostility.
• They always believe they are right.

From what I have read, NPD sufferers rarely get clinically diagnosed, let alone treated. I can understand that. Just imagine waking up with the notion that you might be afflicted with this condition; you would have to build your life from scratch, even if you did believe treatment were possible.

There are plenty of people out there who have suffered at the hands of an NPD sufferer, and extensive research has been done to be able to identify it. The Internet is awash with anecdotes, life stories, remedies and the results of research. It is called a disorder because something is broken, not because something is unusual. Don't let others convince you that the person is just "a bit quirky" or "has a bit of an edge".

At least be honest with yourself. It doesn't matter what they say, and it also doesn't matter what I say. You have to work it out. Give it time and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, if you are exposed to it in someone in whom you have personally invested, will hurt you. It's a slow nibbling-to-death process.

First, you're attracted to this striking person because you seem to have so much in common with them, and striking they are, as they weave a web around you. They know exactly how to get attention - they've been perfecting it all their lives. What's really happening is you are being prepared for dinner. Their dinner. And you are but one of their side-dishes. They never counted how many little folks like you they have consumed over the years. A spider doesn't count the flies he eats and he has no feelings for any ofthem. The fly is just dinner; that's his place in this world. When you have a relationship with a sufferer or NPD, you are the fly.

The preposterousness of what I have just said is one of the reasons NPD gets to go on giving for a long, long time. Few will believe until they personally get punched in the face by it. And by that time, they've moved on to new willing victims.

NPD destroys relationships, trust, and whole families, yet still gets to continue in full swing, for a long time. There are no empty bottles to point to, no dirty syringes, or unexplained bruises on someone's arm. A person under the control of NPD can behave perfectly normally one moment, just like the puppet sits quietly in the puppet chair while the strings remain loose, then unexpectedly and suddenly turn on you as if you had committed some great crime against them.

The Puppet Knows he is a Puppet I believe that a person under the control of NPD know that something is wrong; that something is very wrong. Often, and perhaps this is their real curse, such a person if very intelligent. They are good at working things out and they know something is definitely awry - but they are just the puppet, not the puppeteer - so it continues. Still, like so many human issues, ones "higher self" knows.

The Nice Man, The Bully and the Friend. Imagine a chap by the name of Joe Smith. Joe shares a flat with a bully by the name of Biff. One evening, Joe is entertaining a close friend in the living room and Biff in the kitchen overhears something Joe's friend says in the living room. Biff immediately takes grave offense, storms into the living room in a rage and verbally abuses Joe's friend who gets up to leave because he is deeply hurt from the unexpected verbal assault. Joe sits there in shock about what has just happened.

Biff goes upstairs to sleep it off while Joe gets to pick up the pieces, apologizing profusely for his flat mate's outrageous behavior, perhaps even descending into a degree of denial about it all. Joe is just a regular guy like you or me, Biff is the ever controlling NPD he suffers from, and Friend is anyone Joe has a relationship with.

NPD is like an unpredictable flat-mate. It might leave the sufferer alone for periods of time, days or sometimes weeks, but it always returns. Just when it looks like it's not really there anymore, it marches into the room and beats your friend up. NPD will try to invalidate the feelings of those it hurts

"You're too sensitive" is a common attempt at invalidation used by a person under the influence of NPD. They try to invalidate what you are feeling because you are "over-reacting" to what has happened. Ironic, really, because the person under NPD begins the emotional encounter with an overreaction in the first place. They know how to invalidate the feelings of others.

This is why the Puppet metaphor fits so well for a person under NPD. You think you're talking with a reasonable person.

After all, they've got that great degree in physics or medicine - they must be open to reasonable debate, you think.

Wrong. When you try to reason with them, you will get yourself caught up in their puppet strings, and if you are not careful, will get sucked into their whole messy psycho world. That is, if you care. That is, if you have empathic skills.

Lack of Empathy - the signature of a person under NPD

Somewhere in their past, a person under NPD was left out in the cold. They were neglected in some way that left them hurt and feeling abandoned. Not usually in a physical sense, but more likely in a way that suggested they were unworthy of love. It is normal for a baby to think they are the center of the universe.

It is normal for a seven year old not to fully connect with the teary-eyed adults surrounding the casket of their grandfather. But babies and kids grow up. They grow to learn the emotion of empathy; they grow to take on the adult burden of supporting others in the community, the family and the relationships around them.

Persons under NPD are blind to empathy. Sure, they are masters at faking it, but they just cannot feel it. They know how to make themselves look like they're connecting, complete with speeches from the heart and teary-eyed funeral visits. But they are in the game from themselves alone. When you get that about people who have the disorder, you begin to understand just how vulnerable you really are when such a person is close.

 ------------------------------------------

 ljgurl@bntig.edu  2007-05-06 06:26:23 
 How did you ever believe a thing this jerk said to you? He's a cold, calculating snake.


 hhjagr@hotmail.com 12.191.209.236 2007-05-22 13:07:21 2007-05-22 17:07:21
Predator. He gives men a bad name. Yes, you did wrong but in your situation he provided a sympathetic ear and then used you. He has temerity to complain and blame. Puts you in the hospital? Now he's mad you speak out?


yopkow@hotmail.com 61.17.167.89 2007-05-22 05:10:10 2007-05-22 09:10:10 
You got taken for a ride. And now he's mad you're being truthful? Has he even attempted to talk to you? Guess this is what happens when you use someone like a sex toy and they turn out to be a human being.


zbb55@yahoo.com 71.193.131.225 2007-06-09 00:09:11 2007-06-09 04:09:11  
Sorry :( 

hmjjyd@mail.com   2007-07-10 07:46:18 2007-07-10 12:46:18
Didn’t he say in The Story of Gridney he was “dropping it”? He has the nerve to say you went absolutely nuts? And now he posts your IP online? thats dropping it? Is he kidding? This YWL is certifiably nuts. He’s out for blood. Be careful

knwlha@hotmail.com 2007-07-10 14:22:30 2007-07-10 19:22:30
My GOD were you used girl! U S E D! And now you try to stop the harassment. you tell his wife (which probably ended his “fun”!) you help the cops and get them not to prosecute him And he does this? LOSER!

halel@yahoo.com 2007-07-10 17:18:38 2007-07-10 22:18:38
Are you going to post about this **** posting your IP on his blog to further his lies that you're some sort of stalker? When it was him who stalked YOU after he traumatized you, to every support group on the net you were on where you poured your pain out about what he'd done!
He’s peeved you've put this all out there isn’t he?
Are you going to tell about him and his buddies killing your Blog Carnival posting simply because he hates you for being truthful?
Or him & his buddies putting gay porn on your blog?
How about him deleting more of his hooker postings the minute you put the link up, as if it never happened?
Why doesn’t he go back to junior high were his behavior belongs?

You are really being an angel about it all and showing a lot of tolerance and compassion. Too bad he doesn’t deserve any of it. 

eovxue@mail.com 2007-07-09 13:59:28 2007-07-09 17:59:28
The word that comes to mind here: EXPLOITATION. You were EXPLOITED And now this YWL or whatever he’s calling himself has the nerve to be angry that you are telling the truth and putting it all out there. Unbelievable.

#ifmywoundswerevisible #Sociopath

REASONS TO GO PUBLIC

I am relieved every day that I went public with Dunetz's abuse, despite my feeling very humiliated at first. Not because I wanted revenge but as someone who believes strongly in God - I believe it is our duty to tell so the other person can get help, try to change (if possible) and help others around them. It is horrifying to realize that you were USED for free sex with lies and then told it's your own darn fault .

But even more horrifying to not speak up about it.

I do not believe in cover ups - which is why I went public with my own behavior in this and what I learned happened from what happened to me. I fully realize now I was mind controlled by someone who was pulling my strings. I learned how this was done, how my own oxytocin and serotonin was used to manipulate me and get me to cross my own boundaries; and then blame ME for it. I no longer accept that blame because it was never mine to start with.  

I have gotten so many private emails from victims about this blog. They said they saw their own Sociopathic or Narcissistic abuser in what I discussed here and then I was able to direct them on to get help, validation and heal from what happened. The other emails are from other bloggers or net users who have had run-ins with Dunetz's ongoing hypocrisy, need for attention, and explosive anger with anyone who doesn't agree with him or cover-up for him, and so on. It has been very validating but sad that he has made no attempt to get help for his pathology and continues to beat down anyone who holds the mirror up to him and his behaviors.  

More on rebuke, telling and the 'right thing to do': 
 ________________________  

I wonder where folks get the idea that Judeo-Christians have to be meek and mild, silently enduring mistreatment, tolerating anything anybody else does, and timidly standing by while abusers trample all over them and other innocent victims. Since when is it a sin to speak out against evil? This is what our abusers want us to believe, and they just love throwing it back in our faces anytime we protest their behavior. They provoke us to anger, they cause untold pain and suffering, and then when we finally speak up, they smugly inform us that we’re not acting like “good Christians or good Jews”. This is hogwash. Abusers would just love for us to back off and be quiet while they do anything they want and get away with murder. Satan will always try to use our righteousness against us, to get us to question our faith, and to separate us from God. This is just another one of his tricks. 

What kind of awesome, wonderful, All-Good God would our Father be if he actually wanted us to allow wickedness to operate unchecked in our families and our lives? This concept is preposterous, and contradicts the perfect goodness of the Lord. Our God is All-Good, and the devil is all-bad. They are diametrically opposed for all eternity. God instructs his saints to take a stand against evil and fight the good fight, not to keep silent and hide in the closet. It is God’s plan that good will triumph over evil. We are the Army of God. We must put on the full armor of God and stand against Satan and his army. That is our assignment, and our destiny as a child of God.

When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul....Ezekiel 33: 8-9 KJV

Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own conceit....Proverbs 26:5 KJV

 

It is truly a wonder to behold the amount of time, energy, and creativity that abusers and their Silent Partners (spouses, family members, new partners) will put into inventing an infinite variety of lame excuses to justify why they should be allowed to continue hurting others. How much easier and more constructive it would be to just re-direct and devote all of that effort into simply changing their behavior. But They Don't Want To. So, whether confronting your abuser, or reading about all of his ridiculous excuses, keep in mind that all you're really asking of his, and all he really has to do, is JUST STOP IT. Here are the reactions we ourselves experienced when we began to set limits on our controlling or abusive relatives, as well as reactions other sisters have reported.

• I HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU'RE MAD AT ME
• DENIAL
• INAPPROPRIATE AND JUVENILE DISPLAYS OF ANGER- GRITTING TEETH, SCREAMING, SPEEDING UP THE CAR, NAME CALLING, HANGING UP THE PHONE, PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN AND WALKING AWAY WHILE YOU'RE STILL ON THE LINE AND THEN PUTTING IT ON THE HOOK, BLOCKING YOU ONLINE, or SEVERAL MINUTES LATER, MIMICKING, IMITATING, OR MAKING FUN OF YOU WHEN YOU COMPLAIN OR CONFRONT HIM, ETC.
• ACCUSING YOU OF TRYING TO START AN ARGUMENT, YELLING AT HIM, SCREAMING OR SCREECHING AT HIM, OR DELIBERATELY TRYING TO UPSET HIM.
• BECOMING VINDICTIVE OR VAGUELY THREATENING-"YOU'D BETTER BE SORRY FOR WHAT YOU SAID", AS IF YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO CONFRONT HIM. CRYING OR LAYING ON A GUILT TRIP-"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY SUCH A THING TO ME", "YOU DON'T LOVE ME", "HOW CAN YOU BE SO MEAN TO YOUR OWN MOTHER/FATHER/HUSBAND/WIFE/FRIEND?"
• 'I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF', 'THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM', 'IT'S SUBCONSCIOUS', 'YOU KNOW I DON'T MEAN IT', 'I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF' AND VARIOUS OTHER MENTAL PROBLEMS
• YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME/ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT/ YOU TOOK IT THE WRONG WAY
• REFUSING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY RESTITUTION, AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.'
• HE'S OLD AND NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR
• BLAMING YOU
• BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE
• 'I DID IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD'
• 'WE WERE BOTH WRONG' OR 'WE BOTH HURT EACH OTHER' WHEN IN REALITY THE VICTIM DID NOTHING WRONG AT ALL.
• TRIANGULATION
• SARCASM
• 'I SAID I WAS SORRY' WITH NO CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR OR ACCOUNTABILITY TO YOU
• TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S BEEN GOING THROUGH OR WHAT'S GOING ON IN HIS LIFE, AS IF THAT JUSTIFIES HIM ABUSING YOU
• TELLING YOU HE HAS REPENTED TO GOD FOR WHAT HE DID TO YOU, SO HIS CONSCIENCE IS NOW CLEAR
• TELLING YOU SHE HAS REPENTED TO GOD SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE ANY AMENDS TO YOU
• TELLING YOU GOD FORGAVE HIM AND HE DOESN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF TO YOU OR RELIVE THE PAST
• TELLING YOU GOD FORGIVES HIM WHETHER YOU DO OR NOT.
• TELLING YOU GOD FORGIVES HIM SO YOU HAVE TO, AS WELL.
• TELLING YOU NOT TO 'JUDGE' HIM WHEN YOU ARE CONFRONTING HIM.
• TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY
• 'AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU'
• 'YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE'
• 'YOU TAKE EVERYTHING THE WRONG WAY'
• REFUSING TO HEAR YOU OUT 'I'M LEAVING IF YOU CONTINUE TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THIS'
• TURNING IT AROUND
• 'I DID THE BEST I COULD'
• 'YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM'
• TELLING YOU 'OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM'
• TELLING YOU YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIM; EVERYBODY ELSE LOVES HIM!
• 'YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING'
• 'NOTHING I DO IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH'
• DISOWNING YOU, 'I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!' "YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND""I'M LEAVING YOU"
• 'YOU DESERVED IT!', 'YOU PLAYED MY GAME' OR 'YOU WERE ASKING FOR IT'
• ESCALATING THE ABUSE NOW THAT HE KNOWS IT'S GETTING TO YOU
• 'LET'S KEEP THIS BETWEEN US' , 'DON'T TELL ________'
• PRETENDING TO LOSE THEIR PATIENCE WITH YOUR COMPLAINTS-'JUST FORGET IT!' 'GET OVER IT!'
• MINIMIZING THE OFFENSE, TELLING YOU YOU'RE MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, OR MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL

from: http://www.luke173ministries.org

LASHON HARA FROM YIDWITHLID

 "When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they are seldom perplexed or embarrassed -- they simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts so that they appear to be consistent with the lie." - Robert Hare, PhD

All of the smearing, lying, revisionist history, blaming me, attacks and blatant refusal "to listen, bitch" have done nothing but assured me I am fine leaving this verifiable information out there. I admit I made some mistakes. 

I decry his actions & words against me. None of it has threatened or even upset me in anyway. 

Looking at dunetz'old website, he admitted he left a "message" there for me.

My answer to that message is THIS.

I told the police, I told his wife. PERIOD. THAT'S ALL. Everything is ON THIS WEBSITE. ALL THE INFORMATION. For the whole world to see what a naive person I was for caring about Dunetz's and his family's safety & well-being.

So let's see some of this self-reported ethical, moral, religious & observant man's postings on the web (verified by web site owners to my legal aide) or the postings of his friends and proxies about yours truly. Some because of this very site. 

(edited to protect Dunetz family and mine)

Slander? You decide:

From his site (since removed from the web, but all legal entities concerned have verification & screen shots) to enflame others about me and this very blog:

A Public Record of How She continues to defame as she follows me all over the Net, Uses the Same Aggrigaters, Joins the Same Blog Rolls, Posts to the Same Carnivals etc. If this site is missing it Just means She stopped

Follow him "all over the net"?

Defame? Why doesn't he sue me if I have "defamed" him?? If he has evidence - why doesn't he? And defaming implies lying.  This site has all the proof I could publish that I'm not.

Same Aggregators? - well, yes - ONE of the many I am on he is on too

Same Blog Rolls? - well, yes - a couple he's on I am on too... oh btw - I was INVITED to some of those BlogRolls 

Same Carnivals? Well, yes - ONE that I can think of...

Um... wow! You mean he and I are on the SAME WORLD WIDE WEB?!?! Golly gee whiz!! 

 Does that mean I am a stalker?? ROFL... I know the NYPD Computer Crimes Unit has him on their WatchList still... are they stalkers? 

I can think of a few other bloggers that have a LOT MORE in common with him & his areas of interest than I do!!Hey, YWL - Wanna Join some of the "Mommy Bloggers" and "Disability Blogs" I belong to? ;)

I stopped? Stopped what? TELLING THE TRUTH??

~~~~~~~~~~

HERE'S JUST ONE OF HIS POSTS ABOUT ME:

She is divorced several times so goes by her maiden name of xxxxx. She lives in xxxxx She is 55 years OLD. And I mean OLD. This woman posts inoccent people on sites as this one. She claims to be a religious jew. She should be shot for the filth she says about people she has never met and never will. She tells horrid lies about them. She has posted at least two of her victims on this site.

This woman claims YWL hurt her. Well...guess what Babs! You played his game with him. YOU had phone sex with ME. YOU! You whored yourself out on the phone. Yep! Your a whore. You blame YWL. 

 

 

(1. I have never divorced, I've been estranged many years

 2. Innocent? LOL

3. "should be shot" Isn't that a death threat?)

4. Its You're

5.Im old.  Got a mirror, Jeff>

You post shit all over the net about this wonderful man who helps many, many people. All you do is try to pass the blame. You have made yourself look like the scum bag you really are. (Wonderful man???)

You've done this to women too. Women you don't know. Women who work hard and raise wonderful kids. You have tried to disgrace them. It didn't work. Your so fucking stupid that you didn't realize that the people who know these kind women know you have lied. (Really? like who?  On this very site I posted who did what.  Get a clue! ...and 'wonderful' - pardon my pukin!!!)

YOU ARE A FUCKING C*NT. A FUCKING LIER. It's come back to bite you in your smelly ass. Your name is all over the net on sites like this. You won't learn. Maybe this will help you to see the light. You owe alot of people an apology. Especially God. How the fuck do you sleep at night? Your a whore who lies. Your a mouthy bitch. 

 

(he really is a "wonderful" man isnt he ? he doesn't like anyone who tells the truth much) 

I know where you live and I know your number. Your e-mail is XXXXXXXXXX. Watch out babs. I'm out to get you. Your fucked now! I hate the thought of you. 

God won't forgive you for your actions. I'm e-mailing your rabbi, XXX and many more that think they know you. Yes, I am. Your done. Nodda. Good by bitch!

(Again - threats???

Good by(sic)?  Death threat?

I thought YWL was above all that)

Age: 55 Race: Not Entered Height: Not Entered Weight: Not Entered Zodiac: Not Entered Posted by Anonymous (yeah - that's him)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(update -- a friend sent me an email with this lie-laced comment by YWL on July 27, 2008) another post he made about me (I'm assuming this is the BS he told his wife):

You were an old girlfriend of YWL from an upstate NY college. You used the internet to track him down after 30 years, which wasn't too hard because he's a published writer (braggart)

 You had cyber-sex with him and then got him to agree to meet up with you.

When he did meet up with you, to his horror, he saw that his ex-girlfriend from college had ballooned into a 275 lb fat pig with poor hygiene and he didn't want to bang you. He politely excused himself by saying he couldn't do this to his wife.

You then began stalking him and his family, driving by his house, sending letters to his wife, his parents, his in-laws, his rabbi, the police, anyone with whom you thought you could slander his good name. His poor wife was left with no choice but to report you to the police after you threatened to harm her children

Sound familiar porkchop?

Police found that Dunetz told embellished lies in fear that his wife would catch on to his REAL life 

• (No HE tracked me down - I have the certified proof from Classmates. com.  Do you?
• We NEVER dated
• I'm a published writer too.  He's mostly SELF-PUBLISHED  He has to throw that in  the self promotion never ends'
• poor hygiene? LOL projection!!  I wasn't the one who sat at that lunch picking my teeth with a business card.  GROSS!
• He never excused anything.  
• Stalking?  I don't think so. Not when I was too sick to drive, in the hospital and had a Restraining Order on HIM.
• Sending letters to his parents, in-laws, anyone.....  ON THIS VERY SITE I POSTED THE PROOF THAT I HAD ZERO TO DO WITH THAT)
• Threatened to harm children? No but I do have verified proof filed with police he threatened mine) Project much?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

- updated February 2008

Dunetz posted a fake profile on me on MySpace. Used my old profile picture from StumbleUpon; which he copied. He entitled the MySpace page "I am a Physcotic Internet Harrasser."

He included my ex-husband's old phone number as my own (hoping to get me in more trouble with my ex; who knows all about him now), my home phone number and address. Said I like sex and phone sex and to give me a call. Pathetic... 

The misspellings and bad grammar were DEAD GIVEAWAYS. Nevertheless, MySpace admin removed it and sent the IP from which it was posted and copies to myself, my attorney, NYC Computer Crimes and Dunetz's county Computer Crimes office in Yaphank, NY. 

They were also going to contact his employer about this as well.  

Mr Dunetz has directly violated a legally served CEASE & DESIST. 

It is sad that these crimes have to go through a strict protocol to be prosecuted - often taking years - but the wheels are in motion.

~~~~~

- updated July 2008 from me

ANYONE who hears anything from Dunetz 

or his family, friends or proxies about me similar to the above? Please contact me immediately as there are police reports on this already, a Cease & Desist in place and legal action is ongoing.

#ifmywoundswerevisible

#jeffdunetz



anonymous@bo.net  2009-04-05
 You know, these attacks are ridiculous when you really look at them..."he didn't want to bang you...he excused himself by saying he couldn't do this to his wife.."   So..apparently this long suffering guy would have done whatever he wanted under other circumstances?? Wow, he's really the poor victim, isn't he? What a tool.


8675309@att.net 09-05-24 23:04:59 
Jeff Dunetz you are a disgrace to your community and to your family and friends. I hope you have a difficult time ever looking someone in the eye again and that you will know that people will look at you with disgust. They will know that you are a liar and that you will go to your grave knowing that you intentionally caused someone physical, emotional, spiritual and financial pain


billme@optonline.net 2008-07-20 12:27:03  
Not like he's so svelte or anything to write home about. He should check a mirror before insulting someone else. Especially such a wonderful caring person like you who helps so many people all the time.  Did he carry childen? Have multiple surgeries ? 


 melli@comcast.com 2010-03-19 08:41:44  
There is a bible story that exemplifies what Barbara has done here. She is being a GOOD SAMARITAN, helping TOTAL STRANGERS that she found wounded and bleeding on the side of the road (the internet in this case), for FREE and for no reason other than it is the right thing to do. 

Dunetz the Narc reminds me of the Serpent in the Garden of Eden. Barbara is not a two-faced back stabber, nor a player of women's minds / head games, like Dunetz has PROVEN HIMSELF TO BE. 

Thank you Barbara for all you do to help people, unselfishly, and with the best of intentions. Turning your pain into other peoples gain. God bless you Barbara.

YIDWITHLID'S 'TOOLS'

The narcissist (or sociopath) uses five main tools. These are gifts, affection, withdrawal, threats and violence and in exactly this order.  

1. Gifts: Gifts can be used in two ways. They can either be a symbol of submission or a symbol of demand. Free people generally do not give gifts because they have what they want and do not want to submit nor demand. The communication between the victim and the narcissist is based upon gifts. The narcissist gives gifts in order to make the victim depended. The victim in return accepts these gifts and returns far greater gifts in order to accept this submission. The altruist on the other hand simply helps but does not give gifts either. Sometimes these "gifts" can be flattery, good words, support and yes ... "love." (faked of course)

2. Affection: The narcissist very early on claims soulmate-ship, special connection, ultimate love. Or he makes the victim believe these things without outright declaration. Everything seems incredible and unbelievable - a dream come true. Free people might show each other affection but generally feel comfortable with themselves. They might enjoy the company of someone but will stay focused on their own interests. The victim seems needy due to some childhood, current or past trauma(s). The narcissist is not needy in terms of affection but need for admiration within the group of chosen victims (his partner/spouse, family members, "friends", co-workers, VICTIMS) where the narcissist keeps his or her spider-web. However, the narcissist gives this affection in order to draw the victim into this spider web. This is a difficult time for the narcissist because the narcissist cannot be truly intimate with anyone. Ever. Hence, intimacy is replaced by sex.  

3. Withdrawal: Once the victim's dependency is re-directed onto the narcissist, the narcissist begins to withdraw. Step by step the supposed closeness is disappearing. The victim experiences this as a great loss and the narcissist finds him or herself on a high. The narcissist thinks something like: "I on't have to give gifts, I don't have to show affection, and yet I am being admired."

4. Threats: The victim who remains needy is in shock that no affection is shown to him or her by the narcissist and starts to withdraw him- or herself. Now the narcissist starts to panic because the admiration seems to be diminishing and (s)he starts to threaten the victim. These threats are of the kind: "You are a liar. You said you loved me but now you obviously don't" or "if you loved me you'd believe me" or "you don't understand how bad I feel that you have withdrawn" or "if you loved me you would (something far outside the victim's comfort zone; usually sexually) Now, the narcissist resorts back to the first tools including gifts and sex and threatens that they will be withheld. Strangely enough, this has already happened but the narcissist will try to convince the victim that all is as it always used to be. In this sense these threats are imaginary only.  

5. Violence: At one point the narcissist will fail to convince the victim any longer by means of persuasion, brainwashing and changed perception. Now the narcissist will resort to violence. This is the stage when abuse in the common sense takes place. This includes blocking out the victim, seducing the victim's friends, lying about the victim, rude or sarcastic comments to the victim, demanding abusive (things the victim would not normally do) sexual favors from the victim, bad mouthing, threatening them or their families or friends, hacking their email, hacking any websites, stalking them online, posting slander about them online and using the police with selective information provided by the narcissist.  

by Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl 

COMMENTS

 http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com 

This is what makes me so angry. The psychopath gives you what you want ie: "Honeymoon period" for a short while then treats you like dirt once he is done "hoovering information" from you . Then the abuse rapidly climbs.

DOES HE FIT THE CHECKLIST ON PREDATORS?

If I am honest with myself, I must admit that yes --- YWL is severely disordered pathological.
 

Characteristics of a Pathological/Abuser

• superficial charm
• self-centered
• prone to boredom
• deceptive behavior & lying
• conning & manipulative
• little remorse or guilt
• shallow emotional response
• callous lack of empathy
• living off others
• predatory
• poor self-control
• sexually promiscuous
• early behavioral problems
• impulsive lifestyle
• irresponsible behavior
• blaming you for their actions
• truly believes his own lies
• will turn his friends on you
• enlists others to harass you

SOURCE

 I have never harrassed Jeff. I did what I did to help his wife, his family and HIM. No matter what he thinks or tells others -- I am right with myself about what I did. One day I hope, he will reopen the line of communication with me in an HONEST way. I will write CHECK if Mr. Dunetz fits this checklist So let's see if he fits, shall we?

 

 

• The other type of emotionally unavailable man is unavailable due to his relationship (or relationships) with another woman (or women). These guys are never really committed to a woman. They don't see any relationship as necessarily permanent, including marriage - even if they give lip service to being "deeply committed" to the woman they are with at the moment. CHECK!  
• In truth, however, they don't truly value their intimate relationships or take them seriously, because they are merely "playing," even though engagement or marriage hardly seems like something to "play" at. They don't take their relationships seriously because on some level - even if subconciously - they know they can find someone else who will get involved with them if their current affair ends. What else would cause someone to repeatedly play his future like a crapshoot without really fearing the outcome? CHECK! ...
• It is probably because women keep attempting to get close to him that causes him to keep moving from partner to partner or to keep adding partners. He is uninterested in experiencing or is unable to experience deep feelings of connection with anyone. CHECK! (YWL told me in April 2002 that he "can't feel." This changed once he decided to move in on me to "I can't do sex without an emotional connection." You pick the true statement.) ...
• What is dangerous about emotionally unavailable men is that they are not authentically emotionally responsive. They are emotionally avoidant. CHECK! ...Some of these men may have a sexual addiction that fuels their pursuit of rapidly revolving, superficial relationships. Perhaps his sexual addiction takes the form of chronic and compulsive pornography use, a pattern that will diminish a man's normal human responsiveness. CHECK! ...
• be aware that [this type of man] will paint himself as a devoted father and husband or as an upstanding citizen of his community. Never discount the possibility that your emotionally unavailable man may have multiple hidden lives (always the case if he's engaging in clandestine extramarital affairs) as well as being an emotional predator. For example: emotional unavailability, plus life he keeps hidden from you, his wife or his girlfriend, plus the keen sixth sense of an emotional predator, plus a sexual addiction - help these pathological men thrive at attracting serial superficial relationships. CHECK! CHECK! 
• If he is a sexual addict as well he will have a hidden life of endless porn watching, masturbation, voyeurism, and even using prostitutes. Many times these men will cover their perversions with heavy involvement in community politics, their church or synagogue or doing volunteer work. And they will make sure this cover is very visible so no one suspects. CHECK!!  
• Sexually addicted predators will not stop at you, they will go after your friends as well. They think nothing of telling your friend that you mean nothing to them and that you are possibly "imagining" the relationship. They will tell their wives the same things about you or any other woman they know insisting "she's jealous of us and is obsessed with me." They are masterful jugglers of time and people. CHECK! ...
• a woman's availability itself is a deciding factor... "any port in a storm" will provide adequate distraction from the reality of his life. CHECK!! (the fact he had so much time on his hands due to unemployment... do the math. If he'd really had such fond memories of me? He would have looked me up YEARS before. All he saw was my name and that 'hey, maybe she'll fuck me for free since I'm unemployed right now' light went off in his head.)  
• In addition to finding women who are available, these men have to locate women who are willing to violate their own emotional, sexual and ethical standards... So his challenge is to find women who, with a little encouragement will deny their values and boundaries and partake. CHECK! (once YWL knew how I'd felt about him all that time, he pushed for about 5-6 weeks (back & forth) ... and threw on the love bombing and NLP - I struggled but I simply couldn't withstand the onslaught in my state of mind. My trauma counselors told me this! In August 2004 they had to "deprogram" me!)  
• Womanizers also look for women who will believe their stories about their home life. Very few of them tell women how happy they are at home, how wonderful their wife is, and how they just really want to have extramarital sex with no strings attached. No, that usually isn't the story line. The story line goes: "No one has ever really loved me, and certainly not my wife. She nags... doesn't appreciate me... hates sex..." CHECK!!!  
• Women take this hook too often. ...they will be able to make him "finally feel loved... listened to... appreciated." His need is not "once and for all to be loved" as much as it is to get laid, be amused and be distracted. CHECK!  
• A womanizer may be highly verbal about his relationships. He may share personal information in such a way that women mistake his sharing for emotional intimacy... He knows well enough that women are empathic to tales of empty and sad relationships... CHECK! (does regaling me with stories of his sexual romps with his ex-fiance and even telling me about he and his wife having sex count? And because he could have CARED LESS about me - he took real pleasure in 'twisting the knife' into me since he knew he'd hooked me and then told me "I decided. We aren't going to have sex." Also - No boundaries, my freeze response and making me feel like crap - he hit the trifecta. He'd never EVER given me a chance at a real friendship!)  
• Such men are successful when they find women who are unhappy in their own relationships. CHECK!!!!!!!!!  
• An interesting point is that almost every woman who told us her story about getting involved with an emotionally unavailable man said it happened at a time when her self-esteem was low. [She] was coming out of a relationship situation that had damaged her self-esteem (such as being abused or even going through a divorce). Women accept far more during times of low self-esteem than they do when their self-esteem is sound. A belief that she doesn't deserve a whole, satisfying and healthy relationship is a reflection of how low her self-esteem is. If a man gives a woman who suffers with low-self esteem a little attention... then too often she willingly falls [for him]. CHECK!! (My counselors all told me this same thing! But wait!, Jeff said I "went into this with my eyes open" .. ssshhhhuuurrrreee )

'I am now sorry for the pain I caused his family. Even if his wife never found out, I hurt her... which I had no business [doing]." - Ali CHECK

"These men aren't looking for love; they are looking for a distraction from what THEY really are." - Jamie CHECK!

~~~  

• The emotional predator is as bad as it gets. He qualifies as the pinnacle of poisonous and pathological... He could, in fact, be called the "emotional psychic." That's because it's his ability to intuit and sense a woman's emotional vulnerabilities that places her at risk. Webster's defines predatory as "having a disposition to injure or exploit others for one's own gain; it defines predator as "one that preys, destroys or devours." That's a good summation of this man. Who but the most pathological among us would set out to exploit, prey on, destroy or devour? CHECK!! 
• He will hone in on your vulnerabilities and read you. If he likes what he reads, he will follow up by luring you into his scary and dangerous life. CHECK!  
• Predators have a natural ability for reading women who are lonely, bored, needy by nature, emotionally wounded or vulnerable. The predator also has his antennae up for women who... have unfulfilled needs in their lives. ...he figures out how he can squeeze into the vacant space in your life and what you need to hear in order to allow this to happen. CHECK! (he was never interested in me or my life. He was profiling me. He could have cared LESS!) ...
• [they] "sense" which woman will make the best target for them. They don't know why they have this gift or how they acquired it. ...they have been working women over since childhood. A predator's intuitive sixth sense is untaught. ...an adult's skills can't compete with his abilities to scam, con and conquer. CHECK! (bet I was a big ego boost too - and he laughed his ass off every time he left me dangling) ...
• emotional predators also fall into the mentally-ill category, usually under the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. Most also have hidden lives. When you couple a predator's natural instincts with a lifetime of skills honed by successfully conning, exploiting and injuring women, you have a man who is nothing short of extraordinarily smooth and capable of horrific dangerousness. CHECK  
• Predators' motives vary. But you can be sure a predator wants something from you. That is the entire reason for the relationship. ...There is something in you that he wants. Maybe "all" he wants is your utter adoration or for you to exalt his ego. ...Maybe wants what you can provide to help establish his image so he will marry you ('good family man'). Or maybe ...he's most interested in the pursuit and conquest of a woman... If he is a sexual predator, you are a target, whether it be for consensual sex or rape - depending on whichever way it plays out or whatever mood he is in. CHECK!( Heavy on the consensual for him... but he won't admit he used emotional coercion and lies to accomplish one thing = emotional rape. Heaven forbid YWL be accused of wrongdoing... ohhhh noooo)  
• A predator does not "need" the relationship. Early on... the predator is deliberately romantic. Predators are shifting chameleons who can be all things to all women. Predators are smooth as silk. ...predators are listeners who will give up very little information until they are sure it will align with your history. ...His selection is based on his need and your vulnerability. He knows it's a matter of matching need with need. The more he knows about your needs, the better he can meet them. CHECK! (he didn't even like me, in fact he hates me and ALWAYS HAS. What I don't get is when he had money to go back to the hookers and then Elizabeth... WHY all the times I tried to pull away or leave the relationship did he reel me back in? The only explanation could be that he liked raping my mind and toying with my emotions to amuse himself. If YWL meant what he left on my answering machine "I want to see you & talk to you. I don't want to lose you out of my life. You mean too much to me" - no matter what he would have done something to see me and talk to me. Even now. Yet he'd rather smear and block me. BTW, I was never 'IN' his life -- despite my repeated efforts to MAKE THE FRIENDSHIP WORK and get away from his sex-obession when he chatted with me!)  
• He has a nose for vulnerability, so women who have unmet needs "smell" especially good to him. He seeks women who need men who can "sense and know" them on almost a spiritual level. Since he is good at this, he will appear to know you well - and quickly. CHECK! (and the fact we knew each other from earlier in our lives & were intimate? What a coup!)  
• They like women who had absent fathers, angry mothers or neglectful and abusive husbands. Knowing that many women are trained to believe that people are basically good at heart, predators will present themselves as men of honor and virtue.... But because he is a chameleon, he will listen closely to see if you also need a mentor, an adviser on some topic, a spiritual leader, or a male friend. CHECK!!!  
• During counseling sessions I've had with men who are emotional predators, some have verbalized their targets. One said, "I look for naive women. I like a certain vulnerability to her - that she trusts humanity without asking for proof. Maybe she's been hurt a lot so there's a "woundedness" to her. That vulnerability makes them believe you, because they need to believe you." CHECK.  
• Another said, "I like the mentally weak - women who have been pounded down by men and those with childhoods that weren't so good. They are particularly easy." CHECK.  
• It is important to understand that each predator has developed his own unique style. He has a "type" or two of women he prefers because with those types he has mastered the approach, the dating, and the 'end.' He doesn't have to think very hard if he just uses the profile he's had success with. One predator may prefer recently divorced or divorcing women because he succeeds at playing that angle with them. CHECK (most probably) ... 
• these guys can show a woman they definitely "get it." They show you all the attention that the jerks you've been with haven't. They say all the right lines that the men in your past could never verbalize. They are brilliant and insightful about what you need. They seem to know exactly every pain you have suffered. CHECK!  
• With more skill than a carnival psychic, the emotional predator can hone in on your every need, sympathize with you in such a way so that you believe you've met your long lost soulmate and sweep you off your feet... He's... more insightful than a therapist. He "knows" you the way no one else ever has. CHECK! (hell yes)  
• This guy moves FAST. He's got to - before you figure out what his M.O. is. Every woman should be suspect of the relationships that seem to be traveling in the fast lane on the super-highway of emotional intimacy. A predator needs to keep you so euphoric with compliments and lover's talk that you aren't listening, or paying attention. He is dripping with sincerity and clinging to every word you say. A predator wants to consummate the relationship with you right away, because time is against him. CHECK! (YWL wanted me in bed with him almost immediately. Thank God I kept hedging and asking questions and demanding he slow down and be normal with me... even though he didn't. With all the "I couldn't control myself if I saw you," "just talking to you is making me h*rd... I am usually not that sensitive," "you make me feel like Stanley Kowalski" -- what horsesh*t! "I have to f*ck you soon"
  Or what he told Shira "I had to pull away from Barbara, the sexual tension was making me crazy." Really - what tension would THAT be YWL? The fact that my ex-husband found out so it was no longer convenient? Or that you didn't want to help me even though I was getting beat up on a daily basis because of you? Or could it be that I disgusted you so thoroughly and you were just having a big laugh at my profound expense? Or was it even that I was just asking too many pointed questions and you knew I was starting to figure you real motives out?) 
•  To move the relationship along and be indispensable to you, he must act helpful, comforting and generous. Since he is working against the clock, he must find out what you need and then meet that need. CHECK (see above)  
• While listening to you and observing you, he will glean a lot of information about your hobbies, interests, spiritual beliefs and value systems. He is the original identity thief. He uncovers and uses for his own purposes everything he can about what makes you - YOU. He will find you amazing, beautiful, bright and talented - like no one he has EVER met before. He will align how he portrays himself with your needs and also your interests until you feel like you are looking at your twin. CHECK!! ("you were the most talented person I ever knew," "your breasts were always my favorite," "I loved being with you," "you aren't that fat, you are still very very lovely" hahahaha!)  
• Finally, another way predators succeed with women is by preying on their compassion. Once a woman is in the grip of a predator, anything can happen. CHECK!!! (read this site for that one)  
• [Once a woman sees their stories] for the crock they are and bust them for their fake opinions with them, they will try and turn the table and make it seem it was the woman who had emotional problems! CHECK! (read post "he said" on this site. And does blocking me and refusing to speak to me with excuses like "it will hurt my wife" or "talking wouldn't do either of us any good" - um, YWL? LET ME THINK FOR MYSELF. I deserve better and actually, so do you & your family & friends)  

So, how did YWL do on the predator checklist? 100%? Wow!

ONE FOR YOU, YIDWITHLID:

 hotnewskates (IP: 68.199.197.157 , ool-44c7c59d.dyn.optonline.net) E-mail : twisterjoker@gmail.com 
URL : Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=68.199.197.157
It sort of seems that you have created a system/checklist basically freeing yourself from any wrongdoing in the relationship at any level (I just glanced, but am I wrong in saying that you were the other half of an affair? Is only one person in a relationship responsible for the actions that need two people?) Are you just saying that you are an innocent sheep, never getting your own needs or desires met? Honestly from what you've written, it seems like you got entangled in a relationship that didn't end up as you would of liked, and because you didn't get the desired result, are thus bitter. Unless you are of some superhuman moral absolution, you have to admit that your own personal bias and resentment and residual feelings are intertwined into the overall message of this post. Or maybe I just haven't encountered a psychopath. Or maybe I am one? Or maybe I'm with one? What a scam.

~~~~~~~~  
Looks like Jeff Dunetz(aka hotnewskates above) or one of his sycophants paid me a visit!  LOL 
So I am posting this because it shows so clearly the selective machinations most Pathologicals show when called on their nonsense: 
1. I didn't create that checklist, brainiac Please tell me where you got YOUR medical degree?
2. I never didn't take responsibility at any time. Typical Pathological attempts to pick out one 'sore spot' (not sore at all, LOL) and pick at it. Obviously you can't read... or simply don't want to educate yourself. Amazing what arrogance & stupidity together sounds like!
3. My "needs"? Sounds suspiciously like Jeff... or one of his proxies. I had NO NEEDS when I was first contacted and none of my real needs were met in any way, shape or form. YWL/Jeff never befriended me, never allowed me to meet his family or vice versa, never was honest or real with me in any way and never treated me as a human being with respect, empathy and consideration. So no, none of my needs were met. I was brainwashed to meet HIS needs and his needs only. Nice to feel like an object who has no right to feel used or abused. This was not about my needs in ANY WAY.
4. My understanding and integrating that I was brainwashed, lured & groomed comes from the counseling and help I received at a clinic for people with severe PTSD and at least 3 well-known therapists in Trauma. I suggest you take up the 'accountability' issue with them. Oh and be sure you take your Medical Degree with you when you do.
5. If my 'personal bias' as you call it, includes supporting women through the PTSD and aftermath of relationships with Pathologicals, preventing suicides and educating men & women about pathology and it's effect on all our lives... as well as the 100s of thankful emails I have gotten then I say - gimme' more of THAT kind of bias & scam!
6. Bitter? Nah. No longer naive, no longer trusting, no longer dating and dealing with permanent, diagnosed PTSD? sure. Moving on and using what I have learned to validate, support & inform others? Absolutely!
Isn't that scorned woman, bunny boiler, stalker stuff getting kind of old? I don't have that kind of time to spend on a soulless predator... I'd rather use the knowledge to help others, it's much more gratifying. So go ahead friends, let educate this Cluster B poster... if we can! Or is this merely projection and another Pathological's gaslighting scam?
Most reputable therapists & psychiatrists are stopping that BLAME THE VICTIM mentality now... and the "it takes 2 to tango" baloney... thank GOD it was explained to me and I was shown how I was methodically and diabolically used, manipulated, brainwashed, hypnotized and so on... before you throw accusations get your facts straight. Don't believe me - read some of the other comments here.

Really hurts to find out you're a PREDATOR who PREYS on real human beings, doesn't it. I'd be happy to recommend a place to get help... unless you see nothing wrong with using and abusing people this way. Unless you ARE one and you see nothing wrong with exploiting people like objects, using women for sex objects and having zero empathy for them when you throw them away like used tissues.

cindibear@yahoo.com 98.14.11.174 2009-11-06 21:25:40 2009-11-07 02:25:40 - <![CDATA["The ]]> 1 0 0NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline. Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing. If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness. As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong. The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes substantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others" (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423). Sharon C. Ekleberry -- Dual Diagnosis and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. -

One of two possibilities:
1. The "person" who wrote the commentary is either unaware or ignorant about the impact a pathological can have on a non-pathological and this "person" lacks the necessary knowledge and insight to understand that impact.
2. The "person" who wrote the commentary is a mutant mole, also known as a personality disordered creature and can't stand for the "light" of truth to be revealed. After all, moles scurry underground in the dirt and darkness and are completely blind. The "moles" of either species cause tremendous damage. But the damage caused by the furry kind with huge paws and sunken beady eyes can be easily repaired.
On the other hand, the damage caused by the mutant mole is usually permanent.
Yes, it does take 2 to Tango...but the pathological starts out Tap Dancing and never stops!! The pathological tap-dances around every issue, every feeling, every truth, and everyone!!on.xxx@btinternet.com 78.149.53.104 2009-11-07 18:10:29 2009-11-07 23:10:29 - Do I smell a RAT? Well, from what I read in the post above from "hotnewskates", it sure seems that way... I'm certain that the author is either the said "rat" OR one of his sychophants with that same old, "she asked for it" crap the predators spoon-feed them with.....Blah-di-di-blah-di-blah!!!! If it wasn't so sickening, it would be funny!

Who the hell do you think you are!? All Barbara did was TRUST that piece of crap! And, after she got through the initial painful trauma of the wicked things which were done to her, with what little energy she could muster decided to help other women who have been through something similar to her. Women like me! This lady is at the total opposite end of the moral spectrum to the vile creature who used and manipulated her.

Don't you understand, SHE WAS ABUSED BY HIM TO SUCH A DEGREE SHE NEEDED MEDICAL INTERVENTION!? If you are one of the cyberpath's "sympathisers", maybe you could do us all a favour and keep your pathetic, ignorant opinions to yourself! OR, if you are actually "IT", then you can expect your karma bus to pull up any minute! You know something? You're not fit to fasten her laces! YUK!
tiffanys1184@hotmail.com 76.186.158.243 2009-11-08 15:47:47 2009-11-08 20:47:47 - How transparent skater-dude! Wow, you obviously know NOTHING about the horror of being involved with a pathologically disordered person. Perhaps because you are one yourself?? I find it very interesting how you seem to be personally attacking the blogger's story as if it had something to do with you. Otherwise, why would you be here, with an obvious chip on your shoulder instead of a calm, intellectual debate?
Go back to your victimizing of those who don't know better, poor things that they are

psychopathnextdoor@googlemail.com http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com 84.13.173.244 2009-11-08 15:49:42 2009-11-08 20:49:42 -
This sounds like a typical reaction (email) from somebody who A: has no empathy or B: Doesn't understand what a psychopath is, nor how devastating it is to be in a relationship with one. or C: is one themselves.
The commenter obviously has no idea how manipulative the narcissist/sociopath can be. We -- as the discarded targets of said sociopaths -- do NOT desire a perfect, on cloud 9, flying ponies shitting rainbows relationship, we wanted a relationship that was 2 sided in it's giving/taking capabilities. We wanted and strived to treat the narcissist how we wanted to be treated. We all know a relationship isn't perfect, we all have our own issues and wrongdoings, we admit these, freely. We are not blind , and we all know fully well that the dreamy hollywood love isn't real. We don't have unrealistic expectations! It is give and take , not take take take which is what a narcissist lives by.
The narcissist lives his life using fiction - LIES We as the targets/victims live with reality - TRUTH. And finally, we as the discarded targets of sociopaths spent the entire relationship admitting we were wrong, apologizing, appeasing, giving, loving, pleading, begging and forgiving. Even when we were not the guilty party.
So no one has the right to stand up and point fingers at us accusing us of being unrealistic, guilty and irresponsible.