Are you Involved with a Sociopath?
by CRYSTAL EVANS
Here are signs that you are probably dating a sociopath:
1. You discover that he is a liar. You find out that who he says he is does not correlate with the norm. When ones lie they often have to make another lie to continue lying. I met a man on line who claimed he was a high school teacher. We were speaking via messenger and I realized that he could not spell simple words such as humor (he spelt it 'humer'). I decided to point that out to him and he launched into a rampage. I probed deeper and he refused to tell me which high school he taught and which subject he taught. I told him blatantly that if he was teacher then I understood why the Jamaican education system was poor. The Internet is the best place for omitting important information, making false claims and deception.
(which when you read this whole site, you will see YWL did this to me liberally. First, in profiling me to become my 'perfect man' and coerce me into an inappropriate relationship.
Second, just for the hell of it - whether resentment, jealousy, anger that my estranged Husband caught us or just because it was fun - lying and twisting the truth are like breathing to him. It usually is for all pathologicals. ... I have come to believe that being pathological, he really does not know what the truth is at any one time... as Dr. Hare says 'these people will adjust the truth to fit their lie.' Yes, even to themselves!)2. He becomes angry if you question what he has told you. This is a sure sign of narcissism or antisocial personality disorder. It may be an indication of a control freak. It is best to cease communication with this person. His angry outburst may be a way of disarming you, trying to intimidate you into stop questioning his motives. You need to run! He definitely has something to hide.
Yes, YWL became angry when I questioned or probed what he told me. He would then lay on the NLP and mind control stuff so that my cognitive dissonance was so deep I couldn't think straight about anything - especially him.
He preyed on my disbelief that anyone I'd know for so long would treat me like this. Later he'd lamely apologize and blame it on something else - not feeling well, his wife, job stress... whatever was handy. He'd also block me for a few days or a week to train me not to question him (Silent Treatment). During that time he was cybering with pros, working on other victims, writing the reviews of all the high-end hookers he'd shelled out $1000s of dollars on - I'd be left wondering what I did wrong and learning never to question him.3. He is super sweet. If a man shows signs of affection too early it may mean that he is faking it. If a man claims that he loves you and that you are the one for him, he may be pretending to get you to give him money or have a sexual encounter with him. He makes sweet innuendos and endearing statements that amuses and shocks you. You question how can you be feeling like this when you don’t even know how I look or if I am who I say I am? If your on line mate is doing this, it means that you have a red flag.
YWL got away with this one only because I'd known him from before. He told me repeatedly how I'd been one that 'got away' and how much he'd cared for me... blah blah blah.
It wasn't until after, in therapy, I started to remember some of the cruel and inhumane things he'd actually done and said to me in college. At the time he pounced on me online in 2002, I was struggling to deal with my severe disability, a horribly abusive marriage and 2 children I adored. The juggling act was killing me and YWL took full advantage of my weaknesses at the time.
Let me also say I have verified chats that show I was brutally honest about the weight I'd gained from my illnesses, medications and surgeries. I can prove in black & white that I sent him pictures of what I looked like now and he brushed them all away telling me he cared for me and 'didn't care' what I looked like now; that he wasn't that shallow. Of course, he later showed how pathologically shallow he truly is in attempting to bully me into silence with statements like this.4. He becomes abusive if you refuse to meet him at this date or on line at this hour. I met a guy on line once who became very angry if he was talking to me and I did not respond. He would be asking which other men I was talking to on line. He asserted that I should cease talking to them and give him his attention and time now. I laughed. I knew I was dealing with a sociopath. Sociopaths tend to test you by making a slip offense and then gauge your reaction, if you overlook it. It is more than likely that he will do it again. This particular sociopath will resort to name calling, telling you it is because you are ugly why you do not want to meet him and concluding that you are less of a person who does not deserve his time.
Sociopaths classically push your boundaries. YWL pushed first with language... then cybersex... then showing me depraved porn... then his masturbating on webcam... He was methodical and slow and couched everything with stuff like: "delete if you can't deal with it" or "here's a present for you" or "YOU are making me so horny that I HAVE to watch this stuff." Incorporating blame-shifting along with slowly using your emotions to push the boundaries of what you'd normally find o.k. Before you know it, you're over the abyss with this person and your left with a bad case of hyperarousal and marinating in oxytocin and dopamine while they feel NOTHING but control & dominance over you!5. He is stalking you on line. Do you know an on line mate that views your profile every day? Does he send messages to your friend’s list? Does he send you emails via alternatives when you have blocked him on messenger?
After being caught, YWL went on the attack by posting my real name, address, phone and names of my children to bully and intimidate me online... extorting men to call me or my exhusband's old phone number for phone sex or to stop by for a 'quickie.' He used a photo I had on my StumbleUpon page or whatever he could find. This included looking up a possibly schizoid ex-'friend' who was harassing myself and four other women online; and using her to try to hammer me into silence. I had to involve the FBI to get that stopped.
He also got a hold of my whole AOL Buddy list, sending lewd messages to a couple of my female friends - both of whom reported him to law enforcement. I had hard evidence he stalked my blogs, had a net-friend try to hack one of my blogs and even stole a template (I was shown by a friend more experienced than I in source codes that YWL did do this and HOW he did it) of mine back in 2004. Of course he swears innocence - but with a pathological: watch the DEEDS; never the words!
I repeat, I have never posted his real name or address or other information online. I will also never be silent about being abused by him. Ever. I speak out within reason for the sake of his children. But I will not lie.6. He insults people in your life that he does not know especially if he thinks that they are better than him or you value their opinion over his. He calls your friend using derogatory terms and disrespects members of your family.
A few months after YWL and I first started talking, my sister in law (who is on the other side of the political fence from him) was visiting. She got online with him just to ask YWL some genuine questions about his opinion on Israeli politics. Rather than a calm answer - YWL sent her extremely rude and insulting answers; questioning her intelligence! My sister in law was very put-off. She has never forgotten and never will. I was sent information showing me how incredibly rude he is towards anyone who isn't worshiping at his feet a number of times. Pathologicals are not prone to civil discussion.7. He is very possessive and controlling and you have not met offline as yet. This is a sure sign that you do not want to have further relations with this person. Why would someone act possessive of you without knowing who you are? Why would a man behave as if you are in a relationship with him and you have not met?
Possessive? No. YWL couldn't have cared less - but Controlling? ABSOLUTELY!8. He asks you for money. Asking for money does not necessarily mean he is a sociopath because he may genuinely be in need of cash. But if solicitation becomes frequent, especially without verbalized intentions of meeting in person, then you have a scam on your hands that you need get rid of him before he bilks your bank account. 9. He drops off the face of the earth. Have you ever met a man on line that drops off the face of the earth when you have sex with him? When or if he resurfaces it is normally to reconnect sexually or take more money then disappears again? You need to get rid of this on line friend because he is apparently using you. He is exploiting you as a soon as a new supply is available he discards you.
I now realize YWL 'dropped off the face of the earth' the first time we had sex. I'd bled all over him; I found out later it was from internal BRUISING and he didn't call, stop by my dorm, enquire how I was... he just disappeared. He still to this day tries to tell people he deflowered me (he didn't). He made an assumption that benefited his image (including telling me I deflowed him! LOL!).
Even so, he didn't care... at all... that he'd physically injured me. And when my estranged-husband found out by hacking my computer, about our online emotional affair - YWL's response? Again - drop off the face of the earth.
He also distanced himself when I was then being beaten up, abused in front of my children - all because of HIM. I kept my estranged-husband from going to his wife. Because I have empathy and some class. For 18 months YWL found every reason in the world not to simply have lunch with me. He had me so brainwashed I didn't see it until it was too late. And the one time he did - he was rude.
Also, the only reason he contacted me in March 2004 when everything he was up to came out? Was to play on my emotions in an attempt to silence me. He, to this day, has still NEVER attempted to apologize to my face. Dropped off the face of the earth... created a new identity (which he says he HAD to do to get away from me stalking him! LOL Again, trying to gain sympathy for himself.)
10. If your man exhibits half of the characteristics above then you should not take the relationship offline. In fact, you should end it online today.
His entertainment drive, also referred to as "sensation seeking, excitement seeking or novelty seeking," contributes to his enjoyment of being on the go, exploring new things/people/opportunities and searching for different experiences which often leads to infidelity.
Many women wonder why psychopaths are never monogamous. The psychopath‘s entertainment drive is so high that he is always looking for something or someone new and exciting.
This is also why many psychopaths are also very sexually deviant—always looking for the riskier sexual experience. This 'excitement seeking‘ drive in him serves as a 'hook-up‘ for women.
Couple all of that with: a typically very strong sex drive sexual satisfaction stemming from power and control as much as the physical sex act ...and you have a combination for sexual acting out not likely to be quenched. + High Risk Taking Behavior + High sex drive + High entertainment drive = Infidelity in a psychopath
Psychopaths are known for their social dominance, status and power drives referred to as the 'antisocial pursuit of power.' This 'pursuit of power' is a driving force behind making some psychopaths prominent leaders. This is also why we often see psychopaths in prestigious careers such as law, medicine and business.
Furthermore, it produces in them the edge of competitiveness, driving the successful ones to the top of their fields.