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Saturday, October 13, 2007

Example Two: Damages the Images of Most Others

This one's almost too easy. So I am going to do the obvious, with a disclaimer -- For some image damaging: YWL's blog. Just read it. 

That said, let me add that on my personal blog, I vent my spleen on a lot of politicians and other persons who's actions harm others and that I have deep disagreement with. I am a Mayflower descendant and a Daughter of the American Revolution so for me - it's practically a birthright. YWL and myself and every blogger out there has every right to say whatever we want about whoever we want AS LONG AS IT'S OPINION OR WE CAN BACK IT UP WITH HARD FACTS.
 
Unfortunately, YWL went the extra step with me... he posted things that he wants and NEEDS people to believe I did - which I did not, could not and would not. 

(The funny thing I find is that this "STORY OF..." went a lot further than me. He'd been using that nickname a loooooong time before me - which I learned from what law enforcement turned up on him. I was a small blip in that sordid 'STORY') 

 face palm Pictures, Images and Photos

He made sure to tell these things to people who don't know me, don't know my character and others who he's made damn sure will never know me - like his wife. Aside from this post of his... (and his comments here, since he tried to scrub this off his blog) there are a few other things have trickled down to me from people who he's spoken to about me like, I AM:
  • a predator
  • obsessed with him
  • lost my virginity to him so I am fixated on him for life
  • stalking him (online and off)
  • harassing him
  • lying about him
  • making things up or planting lies online
  • a bunny boiler
  • a scorned woman
  • a horror
...and many other minor, juvenile things.  ALL VERIFIABLY INCORRECT!!!
 
The narcissist will project that off onto the most conspicuously well spoken person in the group, someone who avoids gossip and never spreads vicious rumors about others, someone who often praises and speaks well of other people instead. Therefore, you have to be a complete idiot to believe the narcissist when he tells you that this person is maligning him. - Kathy Krajco
Let me comment on each of these assertions of his one by one just to make the point about how these Pathologicals operate:  

A Predator - I'm not the one who labeled him a predator. EOPC did, in their educated opinion labeled him that. So he engaged in projection. As far as what EOPC opines helps make him a predator, from what myself and Elizabeth told them: I have never used online dating ever; I never scoured the reunion sites looking for old 'friends'; I have never used hookers; I have never had sex without emotion on my part; I have never posted online about using hookers and I have never used 'friends' as leverage to get to their other friends to try to start affairs. I also never ever physically cheated on my ex-husband. 

Obsessed with Him - Most victims of pathologicals go through a period of trying to 'figure it all out' and deprogramming from the brainwashing and gaslighting pathologicals do. Therapists and Counselors told me it can take over 18 months and I can safely say I am way beyond that now. Despite it taking me years for the cognitive dissonance to wear off, I simply don't have the time or inclination to be obsessed with anyone but my children. 

I 'lost my virginity to' him so I 'am fixated" - No. I was not a virgin when we were intimate first time in the Fall of 1975. I did bleed all over him and 2 days later had to go to the Student Health Center to be checked out and found I had internal bruising and tearing. Something the other 2 people I had been intimate with did not do to me.  

By the way, YWL never called or came by my dorm to check on me or did anything to find out if I was o.k. afterward. An early red flag that he couldn't care less but I was too young and uneducated about these types to know.  

Stalking Him (online and off) - No. I turned everything over to law enforcement in March 2004. I had no computer for over a year and MY online activity was monitored, as I believe was his. I enforce no contact - which is fine as I know he will never speak to me again. As far as offline, no way. It's over an hour, one way to his house and because of my disability I can't always sit and drive that far for that long. His accusations are about middle-of-the-night things. 

He's also accused a friend of mine of doing this for me. Sorry, she and I are both single mothers and have no time or reason to bundle up our children in the middle of the night to go to his house and do whatever-it-is-we-supposedly-did. I think I have been in his county maybe 2 times in the last year to go shopping. But I have no intention of following him in person nor am I physically well enough to do so. My doctors would attest to this. (And did to the Detective he and his wife went to and told I was 'stalking' him. Of course, he provided no real proof just words.)  

Harassing Him - No. I don't need more of his endless narcissistic rage. I am too ill and my PTSD issues are permanent now. I need to expend energy on my children and my own health. He simply isn't important enough to me. I can not, however, control what Elizabeth Green does or does not do... although I have taken enough blame for it.  

Lying About Him - No reason to do so. Hence this blog with some evidence. I have absolutely nothing to gain by lying about him. I also had plenty to lose by telling the truth, but I did so for my own healing. Besides I am a bad liar and always have been. Again - this is projection.  

Making Things Up or Planting Lies Online - No. YWL demanded a while back I get posts about him taken down. He of course, didn't care to follow up ("she wants me to listen. NO WAY BITCH") that I couldn't get things taken down, though I did try. Why?  

BECAUSE AS MANY OF THE SITES TOLD ME AND I FORWARDED THE EMAILS TO HIM - THEIR REASON: I WAS NOT THE PERSON WHO POSTED THEM THERE 
IN THE FIRST PLACE! 

 Besides, what he did to me was so monstrous, there is no need to be a "good emglisher" (as he claimed to be in his first threat towards me). It's unbelievable enough to those who have never dealt with a Pathological.
 
A Bunny Boiler - I like bunnies. I love animals and most of my pets have been very protective of me. I couldn't dissect a frog in high school and I certainly would never boil a bunny. My doctor will also tell you, I am allergic to game food.

A Scorned Woman - How old & tired is this comment? As if women can't be angry or upset when someone craps all over them? I guess we're not allowed to get peeved when someone plays with our mind, uses us for sex and lies about us every chance they get. And Elizabeth will tell you, I offered a few times to totally back off so she & he could be happy together. And I offered to help him find help for the "bad marriage" he convinced me he was stuck in. And NO, I don't want him. I am not the least bit 'jealous' of his wife nor am I upset that, as he says he "wouldn't f*ck" me. Why would I be jealous when I kept saying NO to him and kept telling him to work on his marriage? (I have all the verified chats to prove this). Nothing to be jealous of, really.  

A Horror - All I can say is I don't go out much but when I do, I have never seen people look at me and run away screaming or crying. When YWL and I had lunch in September 2003 he tried to make fun of me "dyeing" my hair. I can safely say I haven't dyed my hair since my acting career had to stop in 1995 and I have plenty of gray hair now to prove that.

 
Pathologicals say & do many things to make themselves look good. One of the main ways - is damaging the images of most others. Many times YWL said a few times his ex-fiance, Robyn's husband, Marty was "gay." He questioned if my ex-husband is "gay." (Even though the police and my attorney still have the chat where he asked if I could set him up with one of my gay friends so he could 'try it out.'  INSENSITIVE!)

What is even more nasty and odd is that when he found out I have a number of gay male friends, he first called me a "fag hag" then asked if I could find out if one of them would be willing to have sex with him one time so he could know what that was like. Don't worry I didn't even consider doing it!

ist2_939409_bunny_boiler.jpg Pictures, Images and Photos

What a Narcissist Does to Those He Slanders

by Kathy Krajco  

One of the tricks of the dramatic fiction-writing trade is to know, and focus on, a particular aspect of human nature. It is this: Every person's most precious possession is the image of him- or her-self that each carries around inside. 

Fact: People will do ANYTHING to preserve and protect it. Fact: Nobody can bear to have that be the image of an evil person. This is why character assassination is the fate worse than death. That's why it's called "destroying" a person. This is why it drives people to murder and suicide. 

 Even criminals who have committed violent crimes treasure a self concept of themselves as essentially good inside. And many, perhaps even most, are. Storytellers exploit this by creating a situation in which the hero's self-concept is threatened. That's automatic maximum motivation. 

For example, Hamlet's self concept is that of an honorable man. So Shakespeare has his father's brother come along and seduce his mother, murder his father the king, and then stain the throne of Denmark with an incestuous marriage to his mother in order to keep the throne from going to Prince Hamlet as it should. What are people going to think of Hamlet if he goes along with this? If he just looks the other way at the murder of his own father? What is Hamlet going to think of himself?

But it's a Catch-22, because everyone else is sucking up to the usurper, so they dishonestly view Hamlet as crazy for suspecting the usurper and will condemn him as evil for doing justice. So, Hamlet is damned as a bad person either way. 

If you put a character like Hamlet in a predicament like this, you have yourself a whopper of a story with it's own engine roaring and ready to go. Since before recorded history, there have been stories of ghosts. According to legend, not just anyone who dies could become a ghost. A ghost was someone who could not rest in peace. He could not accept what had happened to him. Usually that's because he was murdered in some diabolical way, either as Hamlet's father was or as Jesus of Nazareth was -- by being framed and executed for crimes he never committed. He died a criminal.
 
Put yourself in his shoes. Could you tolerate that? No. Nobody can. Nobody can tolerate the whole world believing they're evil when they're not, especially when the person who has falsely accused them is the evil one and comes out smelling like a rose. That turns the whole world upside down, making good evil and evil good. It is an INTOLERABLE state of affairs! Human nature cannot abide it. Indeed, even the blessed spirits in Heaven are said to be unable to stand it. For, that's precisely what started the mythical war in Heaven between St. Michael the Archangel and Lucifer, who later became known as Satan (which means the "accuser" or "character assassin").
 
That's the reasoning upon which is founded the belief that Jesus will return. The early Christians expected him to return to Jerusalem any day, with an army of angels. Do you think that he would have been in a good mood? They didn't. Who did they think they were fooling? Me? I'd know I hadn't fooled him, and I'd be scared shitless of anybody I did that to. So, what would you do if someone you had done that to returned returned with great power? Tremble, eh?  

That's why the traditional representations of the Second Coming are of it as "a day of wrath, a dreadful day." In this upside down world Jesus is the bad guy and the Sanhedrin and the people of Jerusalem are the good guys. Like St. Michael the Archangel, he is going to turn the world right-side up again by giving the real bad guys the reputation they deserve. You needn't be a Christian to get the import of this story. The narcissist plays the part of the Sanhedrin (which was indeed narcissistic and envious of Jesus). The people of Jerusalem play the part of everyone who listens to his slander and calumny of you, even though it flies in face of the facts of your known conduct, gobbling it up just because it's juicy and because condemning others makes them feel righteous. 

If, say, this happens in the workplace, Pontius Pilate plays the part of the boss. There is nothing worse you can do to a human being. So, if this has happened to you, your feelings are natural. Don't make it worse by feeling guilty about them and trying to bury them. You cannot accept it. But you can accept your feelings. So do. You just hunger and thirst for justice. What's so bad about that? If you bide your time, maybe someday you'll get it. 

But unfortunately, you probably won't, because there's very little true justice in this world. That place has been diseased and corrupted by the malignant influence of the narcissist. So just leave it, and kick its dust from your feet as unfit habitation for decent people. Indeed, would you rather trade places with them? He owns them. He doesn't own you.  

SOURCE 





The next will be Number Three: They Have a History of Past Upheavals. Feel free to post YOUR examples from your Pathological here, too! 

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