YWL has hated my guts for almost 30 years. He made it very clear in college I was just a warm hole. He was vocal about it and I had ears. Period. This blog will probably never be read by him or if it is, it will be bashed and defamed. Don't care. As far as YWL's concerned he's closed all discussion. It's his "truth" or nothing.So let me say it and get out there:
I NEVER contacted his publishers or anyone else connected to his writing before or since. (who did this? read here)
I DID NOT look up YWL's address & find out "where he lives." My husband did that in September 2002. THINK ABOUT THIS: I had that information for 18 months and never did a thing with it. Ever. Elizabeth had all the other information and I felt funny using it. I was never given it and I only called his office one morning when I was very upset. I was traumatized. I did NOTHING else.
I NEVER dogged him "all over the net." When just seeing his name or anything remotely connected to him triggered a panic attack - WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
I NEVER stalked him, went to his home, put things in his mailbox or that of his neighbors.
I NEVER asked either of the 2 friends I have in his area to do so either (one is confined to wheelchair most of the time and the other has 4 kids, 2 jobs and wouldn't do that for me even if I did ask.)
I DID NOT make up a porn site about him (I did get it taken down, thanks to NYPD though) nor did I give or authorize any of that information about him to be made public. I did not link porn to any of his friends.
I DID NOT post about him all over the web (see what YWL (called "J") said HERE in one of our last conversations - he said he'd "assume" anything on the web was from me!) In fact, when I found out about some things I did what I could to get them all removed (see here)
I NEVER emailed him or IM'd him since March 2004. Even anonymously.
I DID post to his new blog in March 2007 about an old article he reposted. AT THE TIME I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT HIS "STORY OF GRIDNEY" post where he bold-face lied about me. If I had known he still thought I was stalking him? I would NEVER have posted that nice comment.
I DID have an order of protection with his name on it for a short time after March 2004. I have let it expire and was forced to file and have a Cease and Desist letter served
I DID mail my friend's letter to his Rabbi, at HER REQUEST.
I have NEVER had ads for online dating, sex or anything else. Nor will I. EVER.
If I had not known YWL and had a prior 'relationship' with him; which lead me to believe he was wholly trustworthy & truthful; I would never ever have even given him the time of day.
*****************
Yes, YWL's very good at charming and seducing people with words. VERY good. He got me to forget or overlook the comments he made about me in college when I was just a couple feet away. He got me to repress or minimize them. And he's gotten much better over time. He tried to do it in his post, which is why I am providing as much documentation as I can. You don't have to believe what I say. Just look with your own two eyes. YWL makes a LIVING out of his charm now. Yes, he probably did the same to his wife. He's right - she'd be devastated if she knew he really did see all those hookers. Or what he was up to on his computer with his wife in the home somwhere.
"The exposed abuser on the other hand, cannot rest until they have blotted out a vaguely experienced target who dared to oppose them, find out about them, to disagree with them or to outshine them. The exposed can never find rest because they can NEVER FULLY wipe out the evidence that has contradicted their conviction they are unique and perfect and handled things appropriately. This archaic rage goes on and on and on." - Dr. Ernest Wolf
Me and my "minions"? Whoa, that's as bad as my ex-husband telling my lawyer I had "put a curse on him." How's someone like me supposed to do that? How do I whip my few friends into a frenzy against him and participate in a conspiracy against him? Why would I do that? And where do I find that sort of time as a single disabled parent? Think about this: YWL started telling Elizabeth I was "fixated on him, jealous", would "ruin their happiness" and he "never loved me Never!" He tried his reality-spin on my friend Shira too. Trying to tell her that his 'feelings' for me ended in January 2004. Truth?: His feelings for me ended when he stepped away from his computer. Any sort of relationship (for lack of better word) ended on September 13, 2002 when my ex-husband sent him an email. He distanced himself to save his ass while I was taking abuse because of him. And I was too messed up to see what he'd done. He said it would "be better if he went away." Better for who?"Narcissistic people are obsessed with blame. They are always blaming everyone else for everything that happens." Silly me, in September 2002 my husband had YWL's home and (then) work address, phone numbers and hours of IMs between YWL and me. My ex-husband wanted to go to his job, and go to his home and talk directly to his wife. I prevented that and defended YWL. I realize now I was trauma bonded to YWL and had enough cognitive dissonance going on to melt down a normal person's brain. And I kept defending for years. YWL, I thought was my 'sympathetic friend.' I had shared my most personal thoughts, concerns and feelings with him - and thought the history we had was enough to believe he was being as genuine as his words. In reality all I was - was free cybersex. Other than that I meant less than nothing to YWL. I always had.
Elizabeth was really confused when I told her to 'go be with him' and give him her love anyway. She told me later she couldn't make it jive with the horrible picture YWL had painted of me. He told her I was just panting after him like a lost puppy. How I lost my virginity to him (that was a lie, I was not a virgin when we met). She was angry too that I asked her to help place some of his articles - she blamed me for a while for introducing them. Let's be blunt- I am a tall, big, old SHIKSA with 2 children and a disability. NO CONTEST!! And besides, I genuinely wanted YWL to be happy.The relentless psychological torture of hearing YWL constantly talk about his "friends" or how he did this or that - or took his family here or there - I can't even put words to it. The pictures of family and events I got all the time. In the 2 years we were chatting it went from me: 'when will I meet your wife/family?'; YWL: 'I don't know' or 'I'm still thinking about it/considering it' to YWL: 'THAT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN' at the end. Nice. And the mixed messages of YWL's proseltizing about my needing better morals and then sending me suggestive emails? Even as part of a mass mailing? I didn't know what to think it was so mixed up.
Think about it - why introduce your family to someone that, in your mind, was just some silly old free cyberwhore? Not even a real person. That one lunch we had must have been torture for him. He certainly didn't act like he enjoyed it at all. And to be SEEN with me! At least he took me FAR from his office. I was soooo much better when he could click me off with a mouse, huh? poor guy. YWL's right about this - I DID tell him to 'stop trying to please everyone else and make himself happy.' He'd talk to me about work, his shul, etc and he seemed so torn up. When I told him that however, I had NO CLUE he WAS making himself happy once or twice a month by spending a few hundred dollars for lunch hours with a sexual pro. And I had NO CLUE that he had a computer full of free porn links (I knew he had some - like a lot of guys, not the extent of the addiction that NYPD showed me) including webcam, anonymous sex hook-up ads and cybersex sites. I had NO CLUE that those LONG PAUSES in IMs with me were because he was either chatting up other women or watching porn or posting to TheEroticReview about that day's lunch hour fun. I had NO CLUE idea he already WAS um... pleasing himself!
Some of the 'lures' YWL threw at me? "I will do anything to make you happy", "you always have my attention, whether we cyber or not", "you were the most talented person I ever knew", "I feel drawn and connected to you", "someone should hold you all night", "I never forgot you, ever", "you are too nice." Truth? The ONLY reason this guy looked me up? Was because I liked him and was stupid enough to get naked with him in 1975. I can't have intimacy without feelings. He can. He never even called me after that to see how I was. In fact, he said some pretty harsh things about me when I was just a few feet away. (I came from an abusive home so I learned to TAKE it) You do the math!!
"There are only two kinds of people of any use to Narcissists;
those who can pump them up and those whom they can put down."
The Fusion Delusion - Why is it Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
YWL must have been REALLY bored to bother with someone he loathes so much.
YWL told me he couldn't call me or take a chance of having my number. But he could call someone in California he'd never met 3-4 times a day and give her his work & cell numbers and work address. I did call his work once after -when Elizabeth gave me his new work number and told me to 'let it fly.'
Yes, that was wrong and I was just shattered at the time. I never ever feel comfortable using someone's phone numbers or address until THEY THEMSELVES give me permission to use them. Ever.
My husband had given me YWL's address and home number and for almost 2 years and I never ever used them once. EVER.
I did also tell him to consider counseling many times and to talk to his wife. All he did was tell me she wouldn't talk. He also went and got Wellbutrin, while assuring me he was getting 'counseling.'
I did, stupidly, continue to ask to meet YWL's wife and family. I NEVER wanted or thought about breaking up his marriage - just the opposite. It was torture to hear about his family activities & get the loads of pictures he took of them and realize at the end - I would never meet the children or family of this old friend I held so dear and was taking so much abuse because of... because I am nothing. I was someTHING that was supposed to go away when the computer was off.
One night myself, Shira & YWL were joking around about a 3-some. It was NOT serious. He got very angry with us and left the chat. Shira & I had a big 'WTF' moment. We had been KIDDING!
I IM'd YWL, right after seeing he was still online right after he left. (He had started to be online for long periods without blocking me or ever speaking to me.) He'd told me not to IM him first - but I did. His response was, (paraphrase) "YOU AND I WILL NEVER EVER BE TOGETHER FOR REAL BECAUSE IT WOULD MESS YOU UP TOO MUCH. AND YOU ARE JUST ABOUT SEX FOR ME, O.K.? GOT IT?" (then YWL clicked off)I was stunned and spent hours online with Shira discussing it.
Why he kept reeling me back in I will never understand. I must have been quite amusing to keep around by then. Ole' reliable. The TRUTH was that at time YWL was online with Elizabeth, having cybersex at the same time.
His old hatred from college of me was always right there.
About 10 months before he'd kept me online for over an hour waxing poetic about his ex-fiance, "R." I was like a deer in headlights and I just couldn't bring myself to cut him off.
He'd never ever given me a chance to be more than a protracted one night stand to him.
He'd never given me the chance to really get to know him and still wasn't.
I was being abused by my ex-husband because I was even still chatting with YWL (non-sexual by then) and I sat there while he went on & on about some woman I'd never met. And I accepted it in the name of 'friendship.'
I was so seriously depressed. I wanted to be a good ear but I thought I was also his "intimate" and wanted to keep up what I believed was a PRIVATE relationship with him. No good deed goes unpunished!
Little did I know I was just words on a screen in a parade of INTIMATES.
(This is YWL right down to last trait!! He still does it on his blog.) You may be one of the unfortunate ones who were unfortunate to cross
roads with a psychopath. If you’re fortunate, you were only temporarily
targeted by the psychopath, and were used (possibly abused or
picked-clean) then discarded like yesterday’s trash. Psychopaths excel
at blending-in with society and they permeate all walks of life. You may
encounter them at work, in religious organizations or you may find
yourself in an intimate relationship with one.
Some
people are lifetime targets of Psychopathic Character Assassination
(Psyca) a full-on unbridled attempt by the “Path” (used interchangeably
to represent either a psychopath or sociopath) to totally destroy any
credibility that the unsuspecting victim may have had.
What makes this victim so special over the other victims, that they
are targeted to be the recipients of a possibly life-long dedication to
end all normal social interaction or positive human connection with
other inhabitants of our planet?
Simply stated, in most cases, victims of Psychopaths normally self-select by knowing too much about the Path.
Paths routinely maintain at least two separate personas. One, a
positive, gregarious, revered personality that is embraced by
unsuspecting society, the other is their dark Path self: their evil
twin. They may have many other personalities that they dial-in at any
particular moment to manipulate their current audience (not to be
confused with multi-personality disorder because they change personas at
will with the intent to defraud). It is imperative that the Path keep their dark sides hidden from the
general populace. Think about it; if anyone knew who they really were,
their lives would crumble. To the Path, protecting the secrecy of their
true innate evil is as important to them as anything that provides life
or sense of purpose to any other normal human being.
Paths usually launch their Psych-attacks following a very calculated
formula. Even though there is no known, “playbook,” that has been
published for the Paths to follow, they all intuitively use the same
system to ruin the lives of those who they feel may be a threat to the
sacred secrecy of his or her true self. Certainly, making a potential
witness appear to be a crazy, mentally disturbed, narcissistic
sociopath, psychopath or pathological liar is the logical solution.
LAYING THE GROUNDWORK
Years of research and experience has concluded that usually within
the first moments of engaging with a victim who might have access to too
much personal information on the Path, They begin to sow the seeds of
doubt and lack of trustworthiness behind the victim’s back. The Path draws in the friends, family co-workers and acquaintances of
the victims with his or her personal charm in an effort to build a
(false) trust relationship with the fringe audience. This is
accomplished with little effort as the Path has innate skills that
easily manipulate the perceptions of others endearing them to him or her
as they wield their persuasiveness and charm.
The initial impact, though appearing quite harmless and innocuous is
commonly cloaked in the appearance of sincere concern for the victim’s
well-being and might sound something, like, “I don’t know if you’ve ever
noticed, but have you ever thought that (insert victim’s name) may not
be what he (or she) appears to be?” No accusations, no data, reports or
inclinations of anything concrete, just tilling the soil and fertilizing
it with a little doubt.
All the while, they are increasing their own credibility with someone
who may be a family member, friend, co-worker or acquaintance of the
intended victim; unaware that they are being groomed as the Path’s
minion who will be turned against the victim when the time is right.
SOWING FALSE “FACTS”
Grooming from this point forward will take a secretive slant and will
likely be presupposed with something, like, “Don’t tell (insert name),
but…” as they actually sow seeds of doubt.
As the relationship between the Path and his minion(s) grows deeper,
more and more seeds will be sown in an effort to cast doubt, while the
victim is none the wiser.
I’ve always thought it peculiar, that in most cases, these once close
associates of the victim rarely, if ever, courteously approach them
with the sensitive information with a sincere, “Hey, I was just
wondering about (insert reports of lack of sanity, trustworthiness, a
secret double-life, illicit drug-use, illegal activities, pathological
symptoms, etc…)…” that would definitely be an early indicator that
something was up.
In most, if not all, circumstances the victim continues to navigate
their life’s journey unaware that the world they once enjoyed is being
eroded or destroyed behind their back.
It is common for the Path to project their own psychological
attributes onto you. For instance, if they are a closet illicit drug
user, then this will be represented as being a problem for you. If he or
she is manipulative or controlling, this would be presented as
something that you struggle with unbeknownst to others. If they tend to
make up elaborate stories, it will be the victim who secretly lives a
fantasy-life where nothing is as it seems… on and on and on…
Why? Because no one knows these attributes better than the Path. They
are the undeniable expert in these pathologies and they know how
critical it is for someone who has them to keep them a secret in an
effort to appear to be normal.
In no way am I suggesting that the Path might limit their
Psych-attacks to their own attributes. They are extremely acute at the
skill of taking a known truth and spinning it into a ludicrous
conclusion that will cast a dark shadow on anyone at any time.
ENTER THE “SPIN”
Paths have the ability to spin any factual data into an amazing story
that will breed conspiracy or contempt for any individual at will.
For instance, let’s say that you had a hard day at work all day, due
to struggling with an intense ongoing headache. Everyone at work could
tell that you were not “on your game” as usual. If you intimated to the
Path that you had a headache; that would give them the data that they
needed to spin a tale.
The tale may take many shapes and forms, but will be consistent with
some of the previous seeds that had been sown against you. For instance,
if the Path’s intention was to have you appear to his or her minions
that you were a closet illicit drug user, he or she might intimate,
“Wow, did you notice that (insert your name) was out of it yesterday?
It’s normal to go through withdrawals when you don’t get your fix before
you get to work… It’s so sad…”
No matter what you say or do, you cannot prevent the Path from
spinning it into a negative story about you that will erode your sense
of normalcy.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END
When the Path has a clue that you are coming to the end of your
usefulness in the accomplishment of their goals, he or she ramps up the
defamation, usually making it appear that it is you who is beginning to
attack them. At this pointthe Path will appeal to their minions’
sensibilities as they present themselves as the sacrifice, martyr or
victim of your psychotic manipulations.
It will become apparent to you when your relationship with the Path
is coming to an end, that there has been a definite polarity has taken
place. People who were once your friends will drift away… and you will
notice a gravitation toward the Path.
Having no internal filter, they will stop at nothing in an effort to
humiliate you. They will spout vile accusations, even proclaim you’re
mentally ill, if it will support their proclamation that you cannot be
trusted or are inherently evil.
Trying to defend yourself is almost pointless. If the Path is quite
proficient – as most of them are very accomplished – anything that you
say in your defense will appear to be a part of your psychosis and will
strengthen all of the groundwork that the Path has laid in preparation
of this moment.
Even if the Path’s relationship with the minions begins to dissolve
(as it almost always does when the Path moves on in search of new
victims and minions), the seeds will always leave a mark in their minds…
and as heartbreaking as it may be, in most cases, regardless of the
ultimate outcome of the Path’s lifestyle, there may be no hope for
recovering the life that you once knew.
Jobs and careers may be lost, friends will turn their backs on you,
family members will distance themselves, the people that you once
trusted with your most intimate thoughts and feelings will always wonder
who you “really were” all the time they knew you.
THE RELENTLESS COMMITMENT TO YOUR DESTRUCTION
There is no way to anticipate how long the attacks will take place.In some cases, if the Path is the least bit concerned that you might at
some point discredit them or tarnish their appearance or reputation… the
attacks will continue. If the Path believes that at any point you could
be a threat to their charade, the spinning will not cease.This
perceived threat may continue until either of you cease to be.
Many Paths have come right out and made bold, public declarations
that they, “will not rest until you are,” locked up, put away, homeless,
or dead.
MEDIA MANIPULATION
Paths may even go as far as to manipulate the media. In many cases a
Path may launch a character assassination media campaign in an effort to
make certain that you will have little or no credibility whatsoever.
Media campaigns may include radio shows, newspapers, magazines and
social media pays quite effectively into their slanderous toolbox.
SOCIAL MEDIA
If you are active in social media, it is not very hard to tap into
your network, and start spinning your friends, followers or associates
against you as they spin everything you say or do against you.
UPDATE: IT WAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS POST APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM YWL'S WEBSITE. Sept 2007
WHY WAS IT REMOVED? COVER UP? DENIAL? REMORSE? ADMISSION ?ONE CAN ONLY GUESS. (ODDLY ENOUGH -- SAME WAY THE ESCORT REVIEWS WERE 'REMOVED' - CLICK GONE! )
EXTRAPOLATING THE REASON IS IMPOSSIBLE SO JUST KNOW THAT IT'S GONE FROM HIS SITE. BUT NOTHING EVER REALLY DISAPPEARS ON THE INTERNET.
AGAIN, IF YOU CLICK THE LINK ABOVE I'VE BEEN TOLD THE POST IS NOW GONE. MY COMMENTS ARE WITHIN THIS STORY IN PARENTHESES.
BELOW is YWL's version of events....
Please, bear with me as I tell you a true (according to HIM!!)story. My Name is not Sammy I don't live in Tennessee. I used to write under my own name but a few years ago I had a falling out with a "friend" whom I knew from college. It’s the old story she was in an unhappy marriage and mine was going through a rough spot (this is a not an excuse, what we did was wrong (*forgets to mention that he looked me up in 2002, but NYPD TOLD ME HE was seeing prostitutes since 2000 and using phone sex operators & had an extensive internet porn library since at least 1999.).
One thing lead to another and we began to have an inappropriate cyber relationship. IT WAS WRONG. I was Wrong and as a married woman she was just as wrong as me even though if you read her posts I am the only guilty one. (How DARE he moralize!! I never saw hookers or did online porn or lied to people telling them I "had feelings" for them and my "wife is cold & unfeeling" and then that I was just playing a sick sick game!!)
Toward the end of our relationship,I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else.(Just like that huh?) What I didn't know was that the two were also online friends. (REALLY? When she and I have proof that we knew each other and I introduced you to her? And proof that you hacked my AOL BUDDY LIST and wrote to all my female friends trying to start affairs with them)
So on the Ides of March three years ago, the two of them figured out what was going on.
After the falling out the person went absolutely nuts "hell hath no fury" as they say. She found out where I lived, had child protection services visit my house to interview my kids (the complaint was ruled unfounded of course) (No I didn't. I don't know who did but I can guess!! But he'll blame me no matter what. BTW your armchair diagnosis is projection, YWL. By writing this little tome you're admitting the "hell hath no fury" applies to you and your rage at getting caught!!)
She had saved all off our cyber conversations printed them out and sent them to my wife (whom I had already told), My Rabbi, and even sent it to my boss. She even sent it to my 80-year-old parents…two days later my mom’s heart problems got worse and she landed in the hospital. What my mom ever did to her I will never know.(WHAT? what are you even talking about? I SAVED?? He knows my ex-husband hacked it all and lawyers have it all now. I sent things to his wife, because I felt I had to... I don't even know where his parents LIVE!)
She created and maintains a pornography site that she attached to attached my old site and now to this one. She vicious emails to sites that carried my writing such as AISH, Jewsweek and JWR.(Complete fabrications with no evidence I did any such thing!! In fact, if you check the DOCUMENTATION post on this site - you will SEE WITH YOUR OWN EYES WHO DID!!)
Let me say this again. What I did was wrong! I also have learned what she did was wrong too although I suppose that she will never under stand that. I can take the harassing emails etc, but she goes after my family and friends. Once I came home from Shul on Shabbos and there was a scandalous letter in my mailbox and that of my neighbors. It was put there by one of her friends who live in my area.(How about what you DID TO TWO WOMEN WAS WRONG????!!!! Really? Done by Who? Because I didn't do that and no one I know on Long Island would do something like that even if I asked them to!)
After that my wife, who is the real victim in this whole thing, was afraid to talk to our neighbors for a good couple of months. (Your wife is YOUR VICTIM, Sir) For over a year she would send emails and packages to my wife, telling her what a sap she is for staying with me, sending more porno etc. I love my wife very much and I will go to my grave being sorry for what I did to her. But my wife did nothing to this person, there was NO reason for her to spend two years tormenting my wife, NONE! (OVER A YEAR???? How did I do that when I was in a clinic for what he did to me? And out of the country part of that year? Liar Liar!)
Large amounts of money spent on lawyers and computer consultants writing letters to the web hosts of these porno sites, and even a police warrant basically left me with the fact that there was nothing much that I could do. I could sue (and if you read the lawyer’s comment from the article about Orthomom I put up yesterday, I could probably win. But the only good thing that could come out of that is that would do is take the down the sites. The bad things would be worse, making my wife go through it all again.) (then please take me to court!! don't just lie about hiring lawyers & computer consultants... and I never saw a WARRANT so I'd like evidence of that too please. SO, let's go if you 'could probably win'... come on!... so I can get all the VERIFIED EVIDENCE ENTERED INTO THE STATE RECORD - of what and who you really are!)
I changed my Internet name because, every time I would comment on a site, or a site would pick up one of my stories one of this person's minions would a comment defaming my name and telling people to go to that website http://www.pornspaces.com/gridney/, Some of what that site says about me IS true, most of it isn’t.
Also it omits one very important point, what you learn in dance school, it took two to tango. So I changed my Internet name and location. I became Sammy Benoit, Yidwithlid, from Nashville. It was still me but I was trying to shield my wife from more torture.(No you were trying to reinvent yourself, save your own ass and stop the truth. If you cared about your wife in the first place you wouldn't have been spending hundreds on hookers for years prior to even looking me up. Minions? Your ex-girlfriends maybe? hmmm?)
As for me, I have spent the last three years trying to ensure that I never again hurt my family and disappoint my friends. I have been in counseling alone and with my beloved wife. We have learned to talk to each other and have grown closer than ever before. She has forgiven but will never forget and I don’t blame her. I have become more observant and spend more of my day in Torah study trying to learn the right way to live my life. I even got a laptop that sits on the kitchen table so my wife can open up and look anytime she wants. I have worked hard at trying to rebuild the trust of my family and friends; I know I can never fully regain it. (Play martyr much?)
Why am I burdening you with this? Because about two weeks ago she tracked me down, my site meter began to that she along with her friends have linked their pseudo porno site to my blog, along with posting new crap on bulletin boards. They send me harassing emails through anomysers. But they are acting like terrorists. If they truly believed in what they were doing they would have no fear of Identifying themselves. I even got an anonymous email from one of her friends begging me to contact her. It won’t happen. I wont talk to her, or any of her friends. (Burdening? You are loving the SMEAR CAMPAIGN you're trying to start against me by pretending you're my victim!!)
First of all it would severely hurt my beloved wife, I will not do that again. Almost as important is that I have been able to grow, change and become a much better person, I do not need to talk to people that continue to find ways to hurt me and my family. I have moved on, and have tried to grow...they should too.(Nothing beats making running from accountability and the truth sound noble! LOL)
To be honest, I wanted to shut down again but my buddy Chaim from Freedom's Cost talked me out of it. Others advised me to do to her what she did to me, set up a porn site about her. I refuse that solution also, Loshen Hora is not right when she does it and it wouldn’t be right if I did it. I will not even out her by name in this post.(But you did in the comments, Mr. Noble. And you recruited mentally ill harassers of mine, harassers who have FEDERAL WARRANTS OUT ON THEM NOW - yeah go ahead and check!, who target me because of my DV victims' advocacy to be your flying monkeys!)
Our little blog community is very small; the little harassment game that she and her minions have been playing is building again. I am sure that you will begin to see more posts from her about me, posts springing up that say I am a horrible creep--I was, although not anywhere near as bad as they claim. I am sorry to have to bring this up to you, but as my readers I thought you should know. I promise that after this it will be back to regular content I am not going to run this time. (To a pathological, the 'truth' is always harassment. It interferes with their delusions.)
Over the last three years I have learned how powerful the love of family and friends is. I came very close to losing them. I will not destroy their trust ever again. (And he will be sneakier next time!)
The most powerful thing I learned was something that I had forgotten the fact that I married a wonderful woman with such a warm heart. Every morning when I go to minyan I thank G-d that I was allowed to realize what I had while I still had it. My change and development over the passed three years is due to her, and the love we have for each other. She was very hurt during the first few months, but she has taken on my quest to become a better person OUR quest. I couldn't have done it myself and through it sound like a corny line, she DOES complete me. If I spend the rest of my life running to do her every whim, I could not even approach being as good to her as she has been to me. ( I NEVER tried to end his marriage. Typical sociopath comparing the person he abused & used to the current money source to make the latter feel better. I never compared her to myself or my husband to him. He's purposely confusing the issue: HIS BEHAVIOR!)
I used to be an actor; I once had a director that had an interesting tradition. Before the opening curtain he would go up to each one of us, fake spitting in our faces and give us a kick in the butt. His reason was, once we have been spit on and kicked in the butt there is nothing bad that can happen to you. As many of you know, my wife was in the hospital for most of the month of January, it looks like she may need additional and much more serious surgery right after Passover. By writing this, spitting in my own face and kicking myself in the ass (something I have been doing for three years anyway) I pray that my drama teacher was right, nothing bad can happen to me or my family. (I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. I was rebuking YOU, YWL! Not your wife... YOU!!! Nice try. I assure all my readers this is the LAST of his 'acting' nice. He's been harassing me for years since. And I haven't done a damn thing other than FINALLY filing a Cease & Desist on him and having it legally served. I want ZERO to do with this predator!)
Thank you all for listening.
"Below is the comment that they drafted and submitted to my site. It is interesting that my former friend wrote the anonymous comment as it was someone else talking about HER when ..it WAS her. Based on her desire to stick it to me I am sure you will see more of this on the net." - YWL
It’s good you are confessing half of your fault in this whole story. However things are not and they will never be, so black and white. There’s always a grey area. What I mean with this, is that you know you are blaming someone for a lot of things she didn't do and wasn't even aware of.Truth is by that time, you weren’t respecting your wife. You used to frequent a brothel and writing public reviews about the hookers who turned you on. During the period you were corresponding with that woman, you confessed a lot of things about your wife you didn’t like. Strange way to express your love about her, the “beloved one”. You contacted her with the simple purpose of taking her for a ride, taking full advantage of a past story you had together. You contacted her and profiled her knowing her state of mind was not good and that she still had a lot of affection for you. Are you fairly sure she does KNOW this new identity because she would NEVER NEVER harrass your family or you.See, on how things are not so black and white? As if it wasn’t enough, while corresponding with her, you “fell in love” with another woman in the other side of the country, with whom you were willing to have sex encounters, etc, etc, etc…You can tell the story the way you want and paint the picture the way it fits you better. However, you know very well this not accurate. This is just some strategy you’re using.I know you will delete this comment but if you are going to come clean - tell BOTH sides of the story - the whole story.
~~~~~~~~~~~
("Because of the distorted perceptions that the abuser has of rights and responsibilities in relationships, he considers himself to be the victim. Acts of self-defense on the part of the battered woman or the children, or efforts they make to stand up for their rights, he defines as aggression against him. He is often highly skilled at twisting his descriptions of events to create the convincing impression that he has been victimized." - Lundy Bancroft, WHY DOES HE DO THAT?)
Commando Leader said... / ANONYMOUS USER
How sad, how sick! The fact remains that a married man or a married woman who frequent such chatrooms in search of a cyber-lover are both equally wrong and guilty. No married person, regardless of circumstances can be seduced unless they want to! So whether you are the world's worst SOB or not, it does in any way make her less of a filthy floozy. Yes I said filthy floozy, and I emphasize the "filthy," in lieu of the word she really deserves.Now let me tell you my own story, five years ago with the magic had long gone out of my marriage.
Were it not for the kids I would have divorced the creep. To say I was unhappy would be an a huge understatement. Then the bomb fell when I found he was cheating on me in chat rooms. I wanted revenge I wanted to see and taste and spill his blood. I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine while fantasizing and releasing my own frustrations... I started going on chatrooms, but while I had many offers - almost every female in a chatroom of this kind does - I could not bring myself to do it. Not merely out of respect for the institution of marriage, even a horrible one, but out of respect for myself! I was not a floozy unlike the other females who frequented these chat rooms. Yes, I wanted his blood, but not at the expense of myself .
Instead I confronted him, and recited verbatim some passages between him and his various cyber bimbos, with one in particular where there had obviously been much more than just heavy breathing. Of course, the bastard denied it! I expected him too, he was such a weasel. Then I brought out the printed records of the conversations, sheafs and sheafs of them. Cornered, he broke down, and of course he promised to stop, he told me he loved me, blah, blah, blah, the usual meaningless platitudes.I wanted his blood and again I toyed with the idea of paying him back in the same coin. I could be more imaginative, more expressive, than all his floozies and Lord knows I could have used the release. Oooh, yesss! Again, I thought of myself, my self respect and my values. Nope, using chatrooms to get even, or just to add some excitement to my life was not worth the eventually heavy toll on me and the kids!
Today, five years later after a couple of years in therapy I am married t.o a wonderful, passionate man, a superb father - our marriage is like a new courting every time we lay eyes on each other. No I did not remarry, I did not even get divorced. I learned in therapy that nothing of this kind is merely the fault of one , no matter how much of a bastard he'd been, and I finally had the courage to face this truth and while I was proud of my values that kept me from becoming a cyber whore (there, I said it!), I realized where I had to change as well as he.
As Eric Berne, a psychologist, wrote in his 60s bestseller (Games People Play) we all play games, we all wear masks, because we do not want to look at our own inadequacies, we certainly do not want others to find them out. Why am I burdening every one with my painful story? Simple, to sum it up, and I direct my words , drop it sister move on with your life! You won't get the guy back, though it's obvious from your chat and your "friend's" letter you are still panting for him. Certainly, what Sammy or whatever his real name is did is, was disgustingly wrong, a game unworthy of a real man! But, he owned up to it! Unlike you sister, he bared publicly his shame, he confessed his guilt. You seem incapable of realizing that you are just as guilty and a floozy! Grow up, lick your wounds, get some therapy and get on with your life. Hatred will only get you sicker than you are already. A
nd believe me, sister, you show yourself as a very sick woman, your friend is obviously just as sick! Were she truly your friend she would have advised you to drop it and pant after your husband and if you do not have him anymore get a boyfriend that can accept you for the beautiful being you really can be. Frankly, I do not expect you will heed my advice, you are too sick to do so. Doubtless you will have some "friends" put up more porno sites (that really excites you doesn't it, floozy?) and continue to send anonymous letters to him, his friends and family . Sister, you are a very, very, sick woman! Get a shrink, pronto, for your sake and more importantly for your kids sake!Yid with lid, I work in IT, specifically in IT security, if you can send me all the IPs I may be able to track down -- you can expose her and judging by the handle she chose , I imagine she has a blog. If she does not desist let me know I will help you expose her and her blog.Commando Leader
Dear Anonymousobliviously you don't read very well not only did I post the other fake comment you sent, but I also posted the fraudulent letter. Its funny but how would you know whether the person was or wasn't in a chat room unless YOU were that person or one of her friends...since I see you came from one of her favorite posting locations:Visitor Information: 24.225.89.94 (EARTHLINK INC) [Label Visitor]Location: EDEN, NORTH CAROLINA, UNITED STATES ( MINDSPRING.COM)Last Visit Time: March 03, 2007 9:27:29 PM Length of this Visit: 0 hours and 0 minutes
That site is the ones you set up. On it you say "(He changed his main site http://jeffdunetz.com - into a SERMON on Loshan Hara - ie "malicious gossip" - which is what Jewish ABUSERS often use to try to silence their victims into not exposing them!!!)" malicious gossip is not loshon hora. Malicious gossip, which by definition is a lie is "rechilus". Loshon horah is true but not something that must be said. Only true gossip is loshon horah. Rechilus is much. much. much worse. Some of what you say on that site is true and I discussed it above. Loshon hora, is always true, in every detail, when lies are mixed in it becomes "rechilus" Since you say you recently converted,maybe you should discuss with your Rabbi, in fact maybe you should discuss all your rechilus of the past three years with your Rabbi.
Yid With Lid said...Ok Barbara Enough! I got your two comments today and I am not posting YOU are just as guilty, YOU did not do this with your eyes closed, YOU were a married woman. The sooner you move on with your life, the sooner you will heal, physically, emotionally spiritually. As far as I am are concerned, I publicly confessed my iniquity, I publicly showed contriteness by baring my soul. As far I am concerned you can continue dragging my name through the mud, while whitewashing your own responsibility. I am done playing your sick game. You used to tell me that I made too many decisions based on trying to please others. Well you are right, but when you started attacking me on this site I made a decision for me and for my family. Don't you realize that asking me to have a relationship with your family and me to have one with yours is beyond Sick?I WILL NO LONGER BE BULLIED BY YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I am dropping it--no more posts or comments. When you decide that the health of your twins are worth more than your bruised ego, you will drop it too, until then regardless of how much abuse you and your friends choose to heap on me I will not react.THERE WILL BE NO MORE POSTS ON THIS BLOG ON THIS MATTER. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING SOME MORE, USE YOUR OWN BLOG (don't worry, I did)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” - Lundy Bancroft, WHY DOES HE DO THAT
THOUGHTS FROM PROFESSIONALS ABOUT HIS 'TALE OF WOE' ABOVE:
"Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth. I have treated individuals who have lied most egregiously by reciting a litany of true facts!How does someone lie by telling only true things? They do so by leaving out important other, important facts essential to understanding the truth of the whole story." In Sheep's Clothing, pg. 98"...this is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as others) about their aggressive intentions. This 'Who...Me?' tactic invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do." In Sheep's Clothing pg. 98
You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
-- Maya Angelou
#ifmywoundswerevisible
iol430@yahoo.com
Barbara, you say this guy knew you. He certainly didn't know you very well at all. You were in and out of the hospital most of the Spring & Summer of 2004. You have 2 children and are a single parent. You run around with your kids and for your kids. That's all you do! You are either not well enough or have no time. You and I went out of the country in Fall 2004 for a couple weeks. You were out of the country this Fall too and that doesn't count the trips to D.C. and to see your family.
In the 13 years I have known you - you have NEVER done anything like what he's saying. I have never known you to be vindictive... even when I think you should have been. What in heaven's name made him think you did all these things? Or that you would if you could? He needs to look at his other girlfriends I guess. Also, he knew perfectly well that you & Elizabeth knew each other. What a liar! The reason Elizabeth finally contacted you was because he kept making wierd and nasty comments about you to her. Seems like he didn't know Elizabeth real well either. He's a great judge of character isn't he?
anonymous@nospam.com 74.72.41.213 2007-04-04 18:14:58 2007-04-04 22:14:58
"Others advised me to do to her what she did to me, set up a porn site about her"::
Is he for real? Are we all 13 years old now... why didn't he just spray paint her phone number in the men's room at Grand Central Station with '"for a good time call"
How would he have done that? You said he only saw you the once and didn't even want to speak with you once he got bored with you when your ex found out.
Wait!! He said he has a good imagination! Would have been funny to see. Maybe he should talk to you - but then he couldn't lie and blame you for everything could he?
What the....? B - you really should sue this guy for defamation. Guess he thinks that just if he says it - it makes it true! LOL. When did you have the time to do all these things? Tell me if I'm wrong but just after it happened you were super sick. And then you were in the hospital and home on sedatives for a long time. I remember taking the kids for a couple days for you and picking up groceries for you!
You were in shock. People in shock don't do this. And didn't you go to your brother's for a long time? Unless you are SuperWoman and have a flying suit I don't know about! You have a lot of courage - like that other poster said. Its about time you put it all out there, the truth, to clear your name.
anonymous@webnet.com 65.57.106.15 2007-04-07 10:27:54 2007-04-07 14:27:54
I found this site surfing wordpress and all I have to say is WOW - you got guts, Barbara. What an enlighting story. I clicked to YWL's site and saw his final comment on the post and Well isn't he MATURE! Not.....
He didn't realize those comments weren't you? Idiot.
And you are sending your friends to bully him? Bullies always hate it when you call them on their nonsense don't they? I know - I divorced one of these online players myself.
Ok Barbara Enough! I got your two comments today and I am not posting YOU are just as guilty, YOU did not do this with your eyes closed, YOU were a married woman. The sooner you move on with your life, the sooner you will heal, physically, emotionally spiritually. As far as I am are concerned, I publicly confessed my iniquity, I publicly showed contriteness by baring my soul. As far I am concerned you can continue dragging my name through the mud, while whitewashing your own responsibility. I am done playing your sick game. You used to tell me that I made too many decisions based on trying to please others. Well you are right, but when you started attacking me on this site I made a decision for me and for my family. Don't you realize that asking me to have a relationship with your family and me to have one with yours is beyond Sick?
Move on with your life? I think that's what she's trying to do YWL - while trying to take back some of the self-esteem you crushed for her. I don't see her whitewashing anything here or attacking. Looks to me like she confessed to another site a long time ago and is doing so here.
Well of course he ends the discussion and he drops it!! After you'd talked about her like she's some sort of monster YWL!!
He is too cowardly to speak to you himself, either. He couldn't do it for what? 2 years you said? So easy to throw you away like garbage. Isn't he such a victim? NOT!
I WILL NO LONGER BE BULLIED BY YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I am dropping it--no more posts or comments. When you decide that the health of your twins are worth more than your bruised ego, you will drop it too, until then regardless of how much abuse you and your friends choose to heap on me I will not react.
The bully here is you, YWL. You are mean and cruel. Drop it? the woman's been deeply traumatized, went to the damn hospital (if you can read) and is still in therapy and meds. I think she's trying to heal with this one, YWL. And she doesn't seem to have much of an ego left after what men like you have done to her!
THERE WILL BE NO MORE POSTS ON THIS BLOG ON THIS MATTER. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING SOME MORE, USE YOUR OWN BLOG
Oh and now you're going to end ALL discussion right? Always about YWL and what he wants and what he feels. My goodness these jerks are all alike.
obliviously you don’t read very well not only did I post the other fake comment you sent, but I also posted the fraudulent letter. Its funny but how would you know whether the person was or wasn’t in a chat room unless YOU were that person or one of her friends…since I see you came from one of her favorite posting locations: Visitor Information: 24.225.89.94 (EARTHLINK INC) [Label Visitor] Location: EDEN, NORTH CAROLINA, UNITED STATES ( MINDSPRING.COM) Last Visit Time: March 03, 2007 9:27:29 PM Length of this Visit: 0 hours and 0 minutes Referrer: http://howigoteven.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20&postdays=0&postorder=asc&am p;start=15
First off - he can't spell for shit. obliviously? The one who's oblivious is him. And he's obvious too. It says he removed the post from his blog? of course now he can deny his own stupidity! You have plenty of hard proof here, and whoever you are one gutsy girl. Probably you are both.
And him? He's the luckiest man on the planet to have friends like you and the biggest asshole on the planet to treat them this way. Let us know if he ever apologizes and talks to you like a human being honey. He's probably just ignoring this site like any good selfish ostrich would. I think we'll be in a snowstorm in hell when he responds or talks to you.
293847329@cox.info 65.57.106.15 2007-04-14 13:19:05 2007-04-14 17:19:05
Who the hell is COMMANDO LEADER? And they don't even leave an email or website? What a nutjob. Just ranting and raving and believing the B.S. And then YWL makes some crass comment about people not leaving their emails on his site - but he goes ahead and posts COMMANDO LEADER's vicious attack on someone she doesn't even know.
COMMANDO LEADER probably hasn't seen this site - YWL will make sure of that. Cowards
How very fair of him... but then again, he's not very fair to you at all throughout this whole thing. Not even an acknowledgment of how his treatment of you landed you in the hospital a few times. No sympathy for you at all - you were wrong but you went through a lot because of him... his ignoring you isn't humane at all Now that's a real man for you. hahahahaha]
anonymous@nut.net 74.72.41.213 2007-04-21 01:18:43 2007-04-21 06:18:43
I found this site through clearblogs. What a story!! Its heartbreaking. Yes, you and he made a mistake - and you are both sorry. But he seems to be more interested in shutting you up and blaming you.
Yes, you are pissed off in some of what you say and I think you have reason to be. You state you sent his wife 3 packages of stuff as you were getting it - and mailed a letter for your friend to his rabbi. You were honest about that at least.
He's pissed because you told his wife and ended his "fun and games." Looks like he's thrown everything at you but the kitchen sink.
He says he aired his dirty laundry bin but you did that a while ago. Looks like all he aired was the shirts not the **** stained underwear he used with the hookers he's trying to act like never happened.
He says you are slandering him and then turns around and defames you. I don't see where you have accused this guy of anything you don't have solid evidence to back up.
stansted61@cut.net 74.72.41.213 2007-04-19 11:22:36 2007-04-19 15:22:36
Did anyone catch this in his post:
Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else
I am a guy and even I have to say, whoa that's cold! This guy summed up a couple years playing around with this woman in one paragraph. ouch. END of relationship? sounds like she tried to end it a few times because she got tired of being a plaything.
I made a mistake with my wife 6 years ago. I got my ass into counseling, mostly because my wife made me but it was a good idea. I learned that my wife was hurting AND the girl I had the affair with was hurting too. I had to make amends to both of them. It wasn't easy believe me. I still speak to the girl, FRIENDS ONLY, once in a while. She's met someone decent and I am happy for her. My wife knows I talk to her and while she's not thrilled - she realizes that I can't just act like this other woman doesn't exist.
I tell her every time I am going to have lunch with the girl and I account to my wife for all my time. It was a hassle but slowly I have won back most of her trust and the girl & I have a totally different relationship now - FRIENDS ONLY. I have learned a lot but mostly, how not to think of women as just sex objects.
Unfortunately most guys would do the same - try to act like the other women, the hookers - didn't exist. They'd want this whole thing to be erased and forgotten. And they'd act like it never happened. Like this writer said, she didn't exist when he wasn't online with her. That's got to hurt her bad. She has a life too and she trusted this guy and now she's nothing but an annoyance to him. She ought to kick his butt but she's doing the opposite. If only more people could be like that, you know?
My therapist told me - I didn't just hurt my wife - I hurt another person who had feelings too. I played around and only thought about myself. I messed up my marriage and someone else's life and as much as I wanted it to all go away - it wasn't going to. Our actions have consequences. This writer is hurt - this relationship had a long term affect on her and her life. She's doing what most women do - talk about it. She's been brutually honest here.
We guys may not like it - I know if my ex wrote something like this I don't know what I'd think but I'd have to give her credit. This is like emotional surgery. Painful but necessary. I don't begrudge this writer one bit either. Sounds like she really got used and is still. The guy will probably be pissed since he tried to fluff it all off like it was no big deal - but she's doing what she needs to do. To me it sounds like he left a whole lot out.
I am going to show this site to my wife.
sagee@yahoo.com 2009-07-07 05:41:07
According to Perfect Apology the key steps in any good apology are:
1. a detailed account of the offense
2. acknowledging the hurt caused
3. taking personal responsibility
4. recognizing one’s role
5. stating one’s regret
6. asking for forgiveness
7. promising that it won’t happen again
8. offering restitution Source: http://victimofcon07.wordpress.com/
Having followed this story and the many links what we see is a person who only cares about himself and will use his religious belief system friends, family and whoever else will serve his own needs. What possible hope or change can anyone including his own family see in Sammy Benoit aka Yidwithlid or gridney or Yid With Lid or The Lid and any new screename he will created? The answer is none until he accepts responsibility and stops blaming his many victims.
So if YWL really wanted all this to end and “be done with” he would throw away his computer and never again go any web sites to chat post and/or give his opinion -- which isn’t worth much anyway. Then it would end and his family would see he truly is sorry for his many deeds of manipulation lies and denial.
Will this happen? No, for he is addicted to sex, attention-seeking and the web. Just look at his current blog. It’s a source of supply and one he can’t give up like just any drug addict hook on their drug of choice and so as far as I am concerned he never will... Sad but True
