PATHOLOGICAL ERRORS

1. Excuse Making - Excuses are made by the antisocial for anything and everything. Whenever held accountable for actions, excuses are often given. Excuses are a means of finding a reason to justify his behavior. 
Examples: "I'm dumb - I couldn't help it", "I don't know", "I was never loved", "My family was poor", "My family was rich", "She/he did not say stop", "She/he played my game too",  

2. Blaming – Blaming is an excuse to not solve a problem and is used by the antisocial to excuse his behavior and build up resentment toward someone else for "causing" whatever has happened. 
Examples: "I couldn't do it because he got in my way", "The trouble with you is you're always looking at me in a critical way", "She/he should have told someone sooner", "She/he wanted me to..."  
Blaming is often seen in what seems like ordinary conversation, that is, the antisocial may be observing someone else's behavior which has nothing to do with his/her, and still make blaming comments about other people. This often generates excitement for the antisocial and is used to put others down, while he/she builds himself/herself up.  

3. Justifying – Justifying is the antisocial’s way of explaining the reason for things.  
Examples: "If you can, I can", "I was so lonely I had to...", "She/he yelled at me, so that is why I hit", "No one listens to me so that's why I can't do anything"  
The person with antisocial thinking finds justification for any and all issues that he does not wish to own responsibility for.  

4. Redefining – Redefining is shifting the focus of an issue to avoid solving a problem.  
Examples: Question - "Why are you running up and down the hall?" Answer - "I'm not running, I am just keeping time to the music in my head."  
Question - "Who put this paper here?" Answer - "It wasn't there yesterday."  
Question - "Where are the books that I borrowed from the library, and left on this desk?" Answer - "John was hanging around here this morning."  
Redefining is used as a power play to get the focus off the person in question. It is also indicative of ineffective thinking; not dealing with the problem at hand.  

5. Superoptimism - "I think; therefore it is." The superoptimistic antisocial decides that because he wants some things to be a certain way, or thinks it will be a certain way, therefore it is. This permits the antisocial to function according to what he wants, rather than according to the facts of the situation. 
Examples: If the antisocial expects someone to visit them at their house, they may not take into account that the person may have other plans, or simply the arrangements haven't been made. They fully expect the person to show up. When the person doesn't show up, this gives the antisocial an excuse to explode, be angry, or have a tantrum. Superoptimistic people also believe that they can be famous, popular, strong, movie stars, rich, etc. simply by wishing it, and never take into account the practical steps along the way. 

6. Lying - Lying is the most commonly know characteristic of antisocial thinking. Lying is done by all antisocials in different ways at different times. Lying is a power play and is often used to confuse, distort, and make fools of other people. There are three basic kinds of lies:  
commission - making things up that are simply not true  
omission - saying partly what is so, but leaving out major sections  
assent - making believe that one agrees with someone else, or pretending, or approving of others ideas to look good when in fact, the person has no intention of going along with this, or does not really agree. The same antisocial at different times can look like he is lying and be telling the truth, can look like he is not lying and be lying, can look like he is lying, and in fact, not be lying. This creates turmoil around him, and people are never sure what is going on.  

7. "Making Fools Of" - This is the effect of lying on others, and "taking others with them." Antisocials make fools of others by agreeing to do things, and not following through, by saying things they don't mean, by setting others up to fight, by inviting frustrations and letting people down, and in numerous other ways. Making fools of others is a major ploy for antisocials and a major behavior common to all. Antisocials delight in making fools of professional people, such as therapists, lawyers, judges, anyone they can take in , telling stories to "get over on".  

8. Build-up - To an antisocial, everything they perceive as positive, they use to build themselves up, and they generally do this by putting others down. In fact, almost everything said to an antisocial that is not seen as a build-up, is seen as a put down. The antisocial can take insignificant events, such as someone not speaking to them on the street, and assume that this means they are either despised by this other person, or that they are better than the other person. The thinking that goes along with this is that the antisocial is always right and everyone else is wrong. 

   

9. Assuming - The antisocial spends a great deal of time assuming what others think, what others feel, what others are doing. He/she uses this assumption in service of whatever criminal activity or behavior he decides to engage in.  
Examples: The antisocial assumes that other people don't like him. This gives him an excuse to blow up, be angry or rob, molest, not pay his taxes, or any other thing he has in mind. Assuming takes place every day and the antisocial makes assumptions about whatever he wishes in order to support his antisocial behavior.  

10. "I'm Unique" - The antisocial believes that he is unique and special, that no one else is like him, and so any information that is applied to other people simply doesn't affect him. The beliefs going along with this are things such as "I know everything and I can handle things alone." "I don't need anyone, no one, no understands me anyway." "No one can tell me what to do." 
 It is common in a prison for a criminal to believe that everyone else are criminals, but not him. A child molester may think - "I'm not like all those other dirty child molesters; I'm different."  

11. Ingratiating - The antisocial often overdoes being nice to others, and going out of his way to act interested in other people. This is phony and always has a hidden price tag. The antisocial is always out to find out what he can get from other people, how he can manipulate them, use them, or control the situation to his own purpose.  

12. Fragmented Personality - "If I like it, okay; if not, to hell with it." It is very common for the antisocial to attend church on Sunday, and beat someone up, or con someone on Tuesday, and then attend church again on Wednesday. To the antisocial, there is no inconsistency in this behavior. He believes he is a good person, and is justified in whatever he does. His criminal acts are seen as things that he deserves to do, or get, or own, or possess, or control. He never considers the inconsistency between these behaviors.  

13. Minimizing - The antisocial often minimizes his behavior and actions by talking about it in such a way that is seems insignificant. This is not accounting for the significance of his behavior. Minimizing is particularly seen when the antisocial is confronted on some irresponsible behavior.  
Examples: "I only molested three children, and I could have molested a lot more, but I didn't." "I didn't hand in the paper when it was due, but I handed in everything else, so it's no big deal." 

14. Vagueness - The antisocial is typically unclear and non-specific to avoid being pinned down on a particular issue. He is non-committable, and uses words, phrases, and talks in a way to look good to others, but not to commit himself to anything.  
Examples: Vague words such as: "I more or less think so", "I guess", "probably", "maybe", "I might", "I'm not sure about this", "It possibly was", "if you want to", "it's up to you", "that's nice" etc.  

15. Anger - Anger is one of the only emotions the antisocial ever expresses. This is not real anger most of the time, (in fact 99% of the time), but is used to control others, or to use power in a situation. The antisocial has unrealistic expectation about the people in the world, and controls others and situations by aggression, blaming, isolation, giving up, power plays, anything he can do to freeze the situation and make it as he wishes.  

16. Power Plays  - The antisocial uses power plays whenever he isn't getting his way in a situation; such as walking out of a room during a disagreement, giving up responsibilities, or not completing a job that he agrees to do, refusing to listen or hear what someone else has to say, organizing people to be angry at others in his support.

17. Victim Playing - This is a major role that the antisocial takes. The underlying issue is aggression and power plays. However, the antisocial acts as if they are unable to think, solve problems, or do anything for themselves; they often whine, shuffle, look woebegone, helpless, as if they are too stupid to do anything for themselves. The belief is that if he doesn't get whatever he wants, he is the victim. Since the basic belief is that he is good and others are bad, he justifies his victim playing at all times. The position of victim playing is used to strike back and make fools of others. The victim player transacts with others to invite either criticism, or rescue, from those around him.  

18. Drama-Excitement - Since the antisocial does not live a real life in the sense of getting his needs met directly, he does anything and everything for drama and excitement instead. To the antisocial, boredom is the main evil. Excitement is generated at anyone's expense. Whereas other people may get involved in less-than-straight transactions with others in order to feel sad, or hurt, or self-righteous; the antisocial involves himself in activities for the sheer drama and excitement of this. It is seen as exciting, therefore, for an antisocial to watch other people be angry, to set up fights, watch houses burn, to get any kind of action going.  

19. Closed Channel - The antisocial is selective, closed-minded and self-righteous. The responsible person is open, receptive, and self critical. Part of the antisocials thinking is that he must keep part of his life secret, to divert issues. He believes that no one is smarter than him, and would never think that he is wrong in a situation.  

20. Ownership - "If I want it, it's mine." The antisocial believes that anything he wants - people, possessions are his simply by his wanting it. He is therefore jealous if anyone acts in some way that he dislikes. He treats people as pawns. He also uses his thinking to steal from others anything that he wants.  

21. Image - The antisocial's image of a true male is tough and rough and mean and puts other people down. He often has ideas of males as adventurers, cowboys, pirates, etc. The antisocial walks and talks in such a way to support his image - the other image the antisocial plays is that of the victim. The person walks and talks and acts in such a way to support his victim image.  

22. Grandiosity - Grandiosity is minimizing or maximizing the significance of an issue, and it justifies not solving the problem.  
Examples: "I was too scared to do anything else but sit." "I'm the best there is, no one else can get in my way."  

23. Procrastinate - To put off from day to day; to delay; to defer to a future time. To delay action.  
Example: "I will bring up the problem tomorrow. I just don't feel like discussing it now", "I'd do that later, when it's safe/ comfortable" 


COMMENTS
  nuntiagratia@gmail.com  2009-08-25 14:53:57 
do you by any chance know my husband?! lol from the description it is definitely him

THE ENERGY VAMPIRE

Narcissism is a force that is infiltrating the people in our society in great numbers. It is a self-absorbed energy that takes control of people and robs them of their ability to love or care about anyone else. Malignant Narcissism is found in people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder! These people are destructive forces in our society. They are the energy vampires who take, take, take but never truly give! When in the presence of these energy vampires we slowly feel our life-force energy draining away! We become tired, and often lose ourselves in a big way! Narcissists are very manipulative, having mastered the art of manipulation. They know how to suck us into their distorted Web of reality and keep us there like prey, waiting to be consumed. If we knew what was happening, we could escape and detach our life-force from the narcissist. But most of us have no idea what is happening. Our energy is taken ever so slowly and we are caught unaware! In the end, it is often too late! We have already been sucked dry!  

Have you heard the story of the frog and the pot of boiling water? If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump out, however if you put a frog in a pot of cool water and slowly heat it to boiling it will die. Being with a narcissist is the slow boil! We are not aware that the temperature is ever so slowly increasing and we build up a resistance to it.

The result is the feeling of having just been raped on a very deep level.

It is a soul rape!

Like any person in an abusive relationship we develop coping mechanisms. We distort the truth just as the narcissist has. We believe what we want to believe! We believe what we need to believe for our own survival! It is typical we blame ourselves, after all we are the ones going crazy! They seem unaffected by our deteriorating self-worth and depreciating energy levels. To them it is just another reason to condemn us for not being enough. Eventually, however we do begin to get very angry at the narcissist! Our souls are rebelling! We know that something is wrong! We feel on some level they have taken something from us and we want it back! If this story feels or sounds familiar to you, it is likely you have been involved in a relationship with a narcissist. Someone with narcissistic personality disorder doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with them. They believe the problem always lies outside of themselves and will always project their inner state of darkness upon those closest to them.

The worst kind of evil is the kind that comes with total lack of responsibility for ones actions and behavior! It is never their fault! Nothing is!

Even if they hit you or do something horrible towards you, it was your fault! You caused it! It was your behavior that led them to the dirty deed!

Because you are human, and willing to consider your own responsibility you may start to own his behavior. You may start to believe it is your fault and try harder to please him. However you will never win because there is no winning with a Narcissist. With a narcissist there is only win/lose, never win/win. They must always win at the expense of others. Does a narcissist know what he/she is doing? His reality is so distorted and dark that he cannot see his own actions and behavior as being anything out of the ordinary. He may realize he is different but that uniqueness is interpreted as “special”. He inflates his own sense of importance and worth to a point where he puts himself above others. He may appear as arrogant and anti-social. He has a need to be seen in a glorified light and will only give his attention to those who see him this way! As long as you praise the Narcissist and focus only on all of his wonderful traits you will be in his good favor.

If anyone close to him calls him on his behavior or dares confront him on his less than caring or considerate treatment of them he will quickly put that person in his/her place and which is NOT WORTHY of his company.

It is often difficult for Victims of narcissistic abuse to understand what has happened to them. They believe that the narcissist loved them and cared for them so it is quite a shock to see how easily he devalues and discards them when they truly begin to question the reality of the relationship.

As long as the “victim” plays along and doesn’t make waves, everything is fine! However any confrontation or questioning is likely to set off something called narcissistic rage!

Narcissistic rage is taken out on the victim in the form of harassment, threats, devaluing, discarding, smear campaigns and other forms of abuse meant to punish.

The Narcissist knows how to play upon our core feelings of shame and inadequacy. This is what he uses to control and manipulate us.

When we begin getting clever to his ways this is when he will completely discard us as having no further value in his life!

When we find ourselves at this point there is no avenue for completion or closure. We are not allowed to share our feelings, and there are a lot of them!

We are not allowed to talk things out or come to some sense of understanding as to what just happened! Instead we have been deemed worthless and thrown out completely!

Believing there was an actual loving relationship in place, we have a need to have some sense of completion with the person we were involved with. We want to talk things over and even have a sense that they care about the relationships ending! But there is normally no completion! The narcissist will either ignore that you have ended the relationship and continue on as if nothing happened, or he will simply discard you and start a relationship with someone else, often from your circle of friends so you are sure to witness it! The sad truth that you must eventually face is that there really was never a relationship! It was one sided! The narcissist never truly engaged on an emotional level with you! It may have seemed that he did. You may have memories of tears and emotional incidents around the relationship. That is because a narcissist will seem to react emotionally to your actions and you take it as a sign of caring. The truth of a narcissist is he is incapable of experiencing the very human qualities of compassion and empathy. This means he cannot imagine what you might be feeling or even care! It is all about him! He is hyper focused on what he is feeling and your feelings are of no importance to him! He projects his repressed emotions onto you and holds you responsible.

He will often accuse you of doing to him what he is doing to you!

Narcissism is a personality disorder that was formulated in childhood! We have a tendency to want to see a narcissist as “normal” but there is nothing normal about him. He is not operating in the same reality or anywhere near the same reality you are operating in. Your need to put him in the same reality is where you get stuck. You want to see him as a normal person capable of loving you and caring about you. This is the illusion you bought into and the only way to break out of the illusion is to recognize the truth! He doesn’t and never did really care about you! It is a difficult truth to swallow! We often feel very used! We come to recognize our roles in the narcissist’s life as nothing more than a source of fuel for the narcissistic fire. We are to him what blood is to a vampire! Our own sense of specialness is reduced to a complete sense of worthlessness. How did we get to a point where we feel so worthless? Well, over the months spent with a narcissist we slowly gave pieces of our soul away in attempt to stay in the good graces of the narcissist, which wasn’t an easy task. We were conditioned to ignore our own needs in favor of his. We gave and gave of ourselves until there was nothing more to give and at this point we began to ask for something in return or we ended the relationship. By this time we had been depleted of our life-force energy. This is truly what the energy vampire feeds off of. Like the frog in the pot of water we over compensate for the increasing heat by surrendering our own sense of reality to his distorted reality. We may say it’s getting hot in here and he convinces us it is really quite cool and asks us what is wrong with us. Instead of honoring our own interpretation of reality we forfeit it in favor of his. “Oh, he thinks it’s cool so maybe I’m just having a hot-flash!” The narcissist is very skilled at helping us disassemble our own sense of reality. He rewards us with positive feedback for admitting fault or surrendering to his version of reality. Since we are human creatures we respond to positive reinforcement. Over time we are unconsciously conditioned to give up our reality in exchange for positive re-enforcement. But underneath it all we are really angry with ourselves! We have given up our reality in favor of a distorted reality that truly makes no sense to us. We run around feeling hot, or angry, or confused and the narcissistic interpretation is that there is something wrong with us!

We don’t realize that the only thing wrong with us is that we are being brainwashed!

Once we do finally begin to wake up, the narcissist is usually well on his way to a new source of energy! We are left trying to unscramble the confused reality we are left with. We have to sort through all the pieces and figure out what is ours and what is his. Our mind and our reality have been confused for so long it takes a lot of unscrambling to finally get a sense of ourselves once again. I having gone through two relationships in a row with a narcissist. The reason I got involved with the second one is that I was still somewhat distorted and fragile in my sense of self-worth when I met the second one. This put me in a position of being ripe prey!

I was very vulnerable and narcissists love innocence and vulnerability!

The second relationship was a long awakening process. I actually used the situation to regain myself before I ever left. I slowly came to the realization I was in another narcissistic relationship although I didn’t want to admit it! But once I finally left I was armed with the one thing that helped me get myself back quickly ! Knowledge! I knew the game and I knew what he was doing to punish me. I knew the rules of non-engagement and I had spiritual tools to help me reclaim my soul! 

 FROM HERE