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Saturday, August 25, 2007

PATHOLOGICAL ERRORS



1. Excuse Making - Excuses are made by the antisocial for anything and everything. Whenever held accountable for actions, excuses are often given. Excuses are a means of finding a reason to justify his behavior.
 
Examples: "I'm dumb - I couldn't help it", "I don't know", "I was never loved", "My family was poor", "My family was rich", "She/he did not say stop", "She/he played my game too",  

2. Blaming Blaming is an excuse to not solve a problem and is used by the antisocial to excuse his behavior and build up resentment toward someone else for "causing" whatever has happened. 
Examples: "I couldn't do it because he got in my way", "The trouble with you is you're always looking at me in a critical way", "She/he should have told someone sooner", "She/he wanted me to..."  
Blaming is often seen in what seems like ordinary conversation, that is, the antisocial may be observing someone else's behavior which has nothing to do with his/her, and still make blaming comments about other people. This often generates excitement for the antisocial and is used to put others down, while he/she builds himself/herself up.  

3. Justifying – Justifying is the antisocial’s way of explaining the reason for things.  
Examples: "If you can, I can", "I was so lonely I had to...", "She/he yelled at me, so that is why I hit", "No one listens to me so that's why I can't do anything"  
The person with antisocial thinking finds justification for any and all issues that he does not wish to own responsibility for.  

4. Redefining – Redefining is shifting the focus of an issue to avoid solving a problem.  
Examples: Question - "Why are you running up and down the hall?" Answer - "I'm not running, I am just keeping time to the music in my head."  
Question - "Who put this paper here?" Answer - "It wasn't there yesterday."  
Question - "Where are the books that I borrowed from the library, and left on this desk?" Answer - "John was hanging around here this morning."  
Redefining is used as a power play to get the focus off the person in question. It is also indicative of ineffective thinking; not dealing with the problem at hand.  

5. Superoptimism - "I think; therefore it is." The superoptimistic antisocial decides that because he wants some things to be a certain way, or thinks it will be a certain way, therefore it is. This permits the antisocial to function according to what he wants, rather than according to the facts of the situation. 
Examples: If the antisocial expects someone to visit them at their house, they may not take into account that the person may have other plans, or simply the arrangements haven't been made. They fully expect the person to show up. When the person doesn't show up, this gives the antisocial an excuse to explode, be angry, or have a tantrum. Superoptimistic people also believe that they can be famous, popular, strong, movie stars, rich, etc. simply by wishing it, and never take into account the practical steps along the way. 

6. Lying - Lying is the most commonly know characteristic of antisocial thinking. Lying is done by all antisocials in different ways at different times. Lying is a power play and is often used to confuse, distort, and make fools of other people. There are three basic kinds of lies:  
commission - making things up that are simply not true  
omission - saying partly what is so, but leaving out major sections  
assent - making believe that one agrees with someone else, or pretending, or approving of others ideas to look good when in fact, the person has no intention of going along with this, or does not really agree. The same antisocial at different times can look like he is lying and be telling the truth, can look like he is not lying and be lying, can look like he is lying, and in fact, not be lying. This creates turmoil around him, and people are never sure what is going on.  

7. "Making Fools Of" - This is the effect of lying on others, and "taking others with them." Antisocials make fools of others by agreeing to do things, and not following through, by saying things they don't mean, by setting others up to fight, by inviting frustrations and letting people down, and in numerous other ways. Making fools of others is a major ploy for antisocials and a major behavior common to all. Antisocials delight in making fools of professional people, such as therapists, lawyers, judges, anyone they can take in , telling stories to "get over on".  

8. Build-up - To an antisocial, everything they perceive as positive, they use to build themselves up, and they generally do this by putting others down. In fact, almost everything said to an antisocial that is not seen as a build-up, is seen as a put down. The antisocial can take insignificant events, such as someone not speaking to them on the street, and assume that this means they are either despised by this other person, or that they are better than the other person. The thinking that goes along with this is that the antisocial is always right and everyone else is wrong. 

 Someecards Pictures, Images and Photos  

9. Assuming - The antisocial spends a great deal of time assuming what others think, what others feel, what others are doing. He/she uses this assumption in service of whatever criminal activity or behavior he decides to engage in.  
Examples: The antisocial assumes that other people don't like him. This gives him an excuse to blow up, be angry or rob, molest, not pay his taxes, or any other thing he has in mind. Assuming takes place every day and the antisocial makes assumptions about whatever he wishes in order to support his antisocial behavior.  

10. "I'm Unique" - The antisocial believes that he is unique and special, that no one else is like him, and so any information that is applied to other people simply doesn't affect him. The beliefs going along with this are things such as "I know everything and I can handle things alone." "I don't need anyone, no one, no understands me anyway." "No one can tell me what to do." 
 It is common in a prison for a criminal to believe that everyone else are criminals, but not him. A child molester may think - "I'm not like all those other dirty child molesters; I'm different."  

11. Ingratiating - The antisocial often overdoes being nice to others, and going out of his way to act interested in other people. This is phony and always has a hidden price tag. The antisocial is always out to find out what he can get from other people, how he can manipulate them, use them, or control the situation to his own purpose.  

12. Fragmented Personality - "If I like it, okay; if not, to hell with it." It is very common for the antisocial to attend church on Sunday, and beat someone up, or con someone on Tuesday, and then attend church again on Wednesday. To the antisocial, there is no inconsistency in this behavior. He believes he is a good person, and is justified in whatever he does. His criminal acts are seen as things that he deserves to do, or get, or own, or possess, or control. He never considers the inconsistency between these behaviors.  

13. Minimizing - The antisocial often minimizes his behavior and actions by talking about it in such a way that is seems insignificant. This is not accounting for the significance of his behavior. Minimizing is particularly seen when the antisocial is confronted on some irresponsible behavior.  
Examples: "I only molested three children, and I could have molested a lot more, but I didn't." "I didn't hand in the paper when it was due, but I handed in everything else, so it's no big deal." 

14. Vagueness - The antisocial is typically unclear and non-specific to avoid being pinned down on a particular issue. He is non-committable, and uses words, phrases, and talks in a way to look good to others, but not to commit himself to anything.  
Examples: Vague words such as: "I more or less think so", "I guess", "probably", "maybe", "I might", "I'm not sure about this", "It possibly was", "if you want to", "it's up to you", "that's nice" etc.  

15. Anger - Anger is one of the only emotions the antisocial ever expresses. This is not real anger most of the time, (in fact 99% of the time), but is used to control others, or to use power in a situation. The antisocial has unrealistic expectation about the people in the world, and controls others and situations by aggression, blaming, isolation, giving up, power plays, anything he can do to freeze the situation and make it as he wishes.  

16. Power Plays  - The antisocial uses power plays whenever he isn't getting his way in a situation; such as walking out of a room during a disagreement, giving up responsibilities, or not completing a job that he agrees to do, refusing to listen or hear what someone else has to say, organizing people to be angry at others in his support.

17. Victim Playing - This is a major role that the antisocial takes. The underlying issue is aggression and power plays. However, the antisocial acts as if they are unable to think, solve problems, or do anything for themselves; they often whine, shuffle, look woebegone, helpless, as if they are too stupid to do anything for themselves. The belief is that if he doesn't get whatever he wants, he is the victim. Since the basic belief is that he is good and others are bad, he justifies his victim playing at all times. The position of victim playing is used to strike back and make fools of others. The victim player transacts with others to invite either criticism, or rescue, from those around him.  

18. Drama-Excitement - Since the antisocial does not live a real life in the sense of getting his needs met directly, he does anything and everything for drama and excitement instead. To the antisocial, boredom is the main evil. Excitement is generated at anyone's expense. Whereas other people may get involved in less-than-straight transactions with others in order to feel sad, or hurt, or self-righteous; the antisocial involves himself in activities for the sheer drama and excitement of this. It is seen as exciting, therefore, for an antisocial to watch other people be angry, to set up fights, watch houses burn, to get any kind of action going.  

19. Closed Channel - The antisocial is selective, closed-minded and self-righteous. The responsible person is open, receptive, and self critical. Part of the antisocials thinking is that he must keep part of his life secret, to divert issues. He believes that no one is smarter than him, and would never think that he is wrong in a situation.  

20. Ownership - "If I want it, it's mine." The antisocial believes that anything he wants - people, possessions are his simply by his wanting it. He is therefore jealous if anyone acts in some way that he dislikes. He treats people as pawns. He also uses his thinking to steal from others anything that he wants.  

21. Image - The antisocial's image of a true male is tough and rough and mean and puts other people down. He often has ideas of males as adventurers, cowboys, pirates, etc. The antisocial walks and talks in such a way to support his image - the other image the antisocial plays is that of the victim. The person walks and talks and acts in such a way to support his victim image.  

22. Grandiosity - Grandiosity is minimizing or maximizing the significance of an issue, and it justifies not solving the problem.  
Examples: "I was too scared to do anything else but sit." "I'm the best there is, no one else can get in my way."  

23. Procrastinate - To put off from day to day; to delay; to defer to a future time. To delay action.  
Example: "I will bring up the problem tomorrow. I just don't feel like discussing it now", "I'd do that later, when it's safe/ comfortable" 


COMMENTS
  nuntiagratia@gmail.com  2009-08-25 14:53:57 
do you by any chance know my husband?! lol from the description it is definitely him

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

YIDWITHLID'S 'TOOLS'

The narcissist (or sociopath) uses five main tools. These are gifts, affection, withdrawal, threats and violence and in exactly this order.  

1. Gifts: Gifts can be used in two ways. They can either be a symbol of submission or a symbol of demand. Free people generally do not give gifts because they have what they want and do not want to submit nor demand. The communication between the victim and the narcissist is based upon gifts. The narcissist gives gifts in order to make the victim depended. The victim in return accepts these gifts and returns far greater gifts in order to accept this submission. The altruist on the other hand simply helps but does not give gifts either. Sometimes these "gifts" can be flattery, good words, support and yes ... "love." (faked of course)

2. Affection: The narcissist very early on claims soulmate-ship, special connection, ultimate love. Or he makes the victim believe these things without outright declaration. Everything seems incredible and unbelievable - a dream come true. Free people might show each other affection but generally feel comfortable with themselves. They might enjoy the company of someone but will stay focused on their own interests. The victim seems needy due to some childhood, current or past trauma(s). The narcissist is not needy in terms of affection but need for admiration within the group of chosen victims (his partner/spouse, family members, "friends", co-workers, VICTIMS) where the narcissist keeps his or her spider-web. However, the narcissist gives this affection in order to draw the victim into this spider web. This is a difficult time for the narcissist because the narcissist cannot be truly intimate with anyone. Ever. Hence, intimacy is replaced by sex.  

3. Withdrawal: Once the victim's dependency is re-directed onto the narcissist, the narcissist begins to withdraw. Step by step the supposed closeness is disappearing. The victim experiences this as a great loss and the narcissist finds him or herself on a high. The narcissist thinks something like: "I on't have to give gifts, I don't have to show affection, and yet I am being admired."

4. Threats: The victim who remains needy is in shock that no affection is shown to him or her by the narcissist and starts to withdraw him- or herself. Now the narcissist starts to panic because the admiration seems to be diminishing and (s)he starts to threaten the victim. These threats are of the kind: "You are a liar. You said you loved me but now you obviously don't" or "if you loved me you'd believe me" or "you don't understand how bad I feel that you have withdrawn" or "if you loved me you would (something far outside the victim's comfort zone; usually sexually) Now, the narcissist resorts back to the first tools including gifts and sex and threatens that they will be withheld. Strangely enough, this has already happened but the narcissist will try to convince the victim that all is as it always used to be. In this sense these threats are imaginary only.  

5. Violence: At one point the narcissist will fail to convince the victim any longer by means of persuasion, brainwashing and changed perception. Now the narcissist will resort to violence. This is the stage when abuse in the common sense takes place. This includes blocking out the victim, seducing the victim's friends, lying about the victim, rude or sarcastic comments to the victim, demanding abusive (things the victim would not normally do) sexual favors from the victim, bad mouthing, threatening them or their families or friends, hacking their email, hacking any websites, stalking them online, posting slander about them online and using the police with selective information provided by the narcissist.  

by Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl 

COMMENTS

 http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com 
This is what makes me so angry. The psychopath gives you what you want ie: "Honeymoon period" for a short while then treats you like dirt once he is done "hoovering information" from you . Then the abuse rapidly climbs.

Monday, August 13, 2007

THE ENERGY VAMPIRE



Narcissism is a force that is infiltrating the people in our society in great numbers. It is a self-absorbed energy that takes control of people and robs them of their ability to love or care about anyone else. Malignant Narcissism is found in people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder! These people are destructive forces in our society. They are the energy vampires who take, take, take but never truly give! When in the presence of these energy vampires we slowly feel our life-force energy draining away! We become tired, and often lose ourselves in a big way! Narcissists are very manipulative, having mastered the art of manipulation. They know how to suck us into their distorted Web of reality and keep us there like prey, waiting to be consumed. If we knew what was happening, we could escape and detach our life-force from the narcissist. But most of us have no idea what is happening. Our energy is taken ever so slowly and we are caught unaware! In the end, it is often too late! We have already been sucked dry!  

Have you heard the story of the frog and the pot of boiling water? If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump out, however if you put a frog in a pot of cool water and slowly heat it to boiling it will die. Being with a narcissist is the slow boil! We are not aware that the temperature is ever so slowly increasing and we build up a resistance to it.

The result is the feeling of having just been raped on a very deep level.

It is a soul rape!

Like any person in an abusive relationship we develop coping mechanisms. We distort the truth just as the narcissist has. We believe what we want to believe! We believe what we need to believe for our own survival! It is typical we blame ourselves, after all we are the ones going crazy! They seem unaffected by our deteriorating self-worth and depreciating energy levels. To them it is just another reason to condemn us for not being enough. Eventually, however we do begin to get very angry at the narcissist! Our souls are rebelling! We know that something is wrong! We feel on some level they have taken something from us and we want it back! If this story feels or sounds familiar to you, it is likely you have been involved in a relationship with a narcissist. Someone with narcissistic personality disorder doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with them. They believe the problem always lies outside of themselves and will always project their inner state of darkness upon those closest to them.

The worst kind of evil is the kind that comes with total lack of responsibility for ones actions and behavior! It is never their fault! Nothing is!

Even if they hit you or do something horrible towards you, it was your fault! You caused it! It was your behavior that led them to the dirty deed!

Because you are human, and willing to consider your own responsibility you may start to own his behavior. You may start to believe it is your fault and try harder to please him. However you will never win because there is no winning with a Narcissist. With a narcissist there is only win/lose, never win/win. They must always win at the expense of others. Does a narcissist know what he/she is doing? His reality is so distorted and dark that he cannot see his own actions and behavior as being anything out of the ordinary. He may realize he is different but that uniqueness is interpreted as “special”. He inflates his own sense of importance and worth to a point where he puts himself above others. He may appear as arrogant and anti-social. He has a need to be seen in a glorified light and will only give his attention to those who see him this way! As long as you praise the Narcissist and focus only on all of his wonderful traits you will be in his good favor.

If anyone close to him calls him on his behavior or dares confront him on his less than caring or considerate treatment of them he will quickly put that person in his/her place and which is NOT WORTHY of his company.

It is often difficult for Victims of narcissistic abuse to understand what has happened to them. They believe that the narcissist loved them and cared for them so it is quite a shock to see how easily he devalues and discards them when they truly begin to question the reality of the relationship.

As long as the “victim” plays along and doesn’t make waves, everything is fine! However any confrontation or questioning is likely to set off something called narcissistic rage!

Narcissistic rage is taken out on the victim in the form of harassment, threats, devaluing, discarding, smear campaigns and other forms of abuse meant to punish.

The Narcissist knows how to play upon our core feelings of shame and inadequacy. This is what he uses to control and manipulate us.

When we begin getting clever to his ways this is when he will completely discard us as having no further value in his life!

When we find ourselves at this point there is no avenue for completion or closure. We are not allowed to share our feelings, and there are a lot of them!

We are not allowed to talk things out or come to some sense of understanding as to what just happened! Instead we have been deemed worthless and thrown out completely!


Believing there was an actual loving relationship in place, we have a need to have some sense of completion with the person we were involved with. We want to talk things over and even have a sense that they care about the relationships ending! But there is normally no completion! The narcissist will either ignore that you have ended the relationship and continue on as if nothing happened, or he will simply discard you and start a relationship with someone else, often from your circle of friends so you are sure to witness it! The sad truth that you must eventually face is that there really was never a relationship! It was one sided! The narcissist never truly engaged on an emotional level with you! It may have seemed that he did. You may have memories of tears and emotional incidents around the relationship. That is because a narcissist will seem to react emotionally to your actions and you take it as a sign of caring. The truth of a narcissist is he is incapable of experiencing the very human qualities of compassion and empathy. This means he cannot imagine what you might be feeling or even care! It is all about him! He is hyper focused on what he is feeling and your feelings are of no importance to him! He projects his repressed emotions onto you and holds you responsible.

He will often accuse you of doing to him what he is doing to you!

Narcissism is a personality disorder that was formulated in childhood! We have a tendency to want to see a narcissist as “normal” but there is nothing normal about him. He is not operating in the same reality or anywhere near the same reality you are operating in. Your need to put him in the same reality is where you get stuck. You want to see him as a normal person capable of loving you and caring about you. This is the illusion you bought into and the only way to break out of the illusion is to recognize the truth! He doesn’t and never did really care about you! It is a difficult truth to swallow! We often feel very used! We come to recognize our roles in the narcissist’s life as nothing more than a source of fuel for the narcissistic fire. We are to him what blood is to a vampire! Our own sense of specialness is reduced to a complete sense of worthlessness. How did we get to a point where we feel so worthless? Well, over the months spent with a narcissist we slowly gave pieces of our soul away in attempt to stay in the good graces of the narcissist, which wasn’t an easy task. We were conditioned to ignore our own needs in favor of his. We gave and gave of ourselves until there was nothing more to give and at this point we began to ask for something in return or we ended the relationship. By this time we had been depleted of our life-force energy. This is truly what the energy vampire feeds off of. Like the frog in the pot of water we over compensate for the increasing heat by surrendering our own sense of reality to his distorted reality. We may say it’s getting hot in here and he convinces us it is really quite cool and asks us what is wrong with us. Instead of honoring our own interpretation of reality we forfeit it in favor of his. “Oh, he thinks it’s cool so maybe I’m just having a hot-flash!” The narcissist is very skilled at helping us disassemble our own sense of reality. He rewards us with positive feedback for admitting fault or surrendering to his version of reality. Since we are human creatures we respond to positive reinforcement. Over time we are unconsciously conditioned to give up our reality in exchange for positive re-enforcement. But underneath it all we are really angry with ourselves! We have given up our reality in favor of a distorted reality that truly makes no sense to us. We run around feeling hot, or angry, or confused and the narcissistic interpretation is that there is something wrong with us!

We don’t realize that the only thing wrong with us is that we are being brainwashed!

Once we do finally begin to wake up, the narcissist is usually well on his way to a new source of energy! We are left trying to unscramble the confused reality we are left with. We have to sort through all the pieces and figure out what is ours and what is his. Our mind and our reality have been confused for so long it takes a lot of unscrambling to finally get a sense of ourselves once again. I having gone through two relationships in a row with a narcissist. The reason I got involved with the second one is that I was still somewhat distorted and fragile in my sense of self-worth when I met the second one. This put me in a position of being ripe prey!

I was very vulnerable and narcissists love innocence and vulnerability!

The second relationship was a long awakening process. I actually used the situation to regain myself before I ever left. I slowly came to the realization I was in another narcissistic relationship although I didn’t want to admit it! But once I finally left I was armed with the one thing that helped me get myself back quickly ! Knowledge! I knew the game and I knew what he was doing to punish me. I knew the rules of non-engagement and I had spiritual tools to help me reclaim my soul! 

 FROM HERE

Thursday, August 2, 2007

DOES HE FIT THE CHECKLIST ON PREDATORS?

If I am honest with myself, I must admit that yes --- YWL is severely disordered pathological.
 
Characteristics of a Pathological/Abuser
  • superficial charm
  • self-centered
  • prone to boredom
  • deceptive behavior & lying
  • conning & manipulative
  • little remorse or guilt
  • shallow emotional response
  • callous lack of empathy
  • living off others
  • predatory
  • poor self-control
  • sexually promiscuous
  • early behavioral problems
  • impulsive lifestyle
  • irresponsible behavior
  • blaming you for their actions
  • truly believes his own lies
  • will turn his friends on you
  • enlists others to harass you

 I have never harrassed YWL. I did what I did to help his wife, his family and HIM. No matter what he thinks or tells other -- I am right with myself about what I did. One day I hope, he will reopen the line of communication with me in an HONEST way. I will write CHECK if YWL fitd this checklist So let's see if he fits, shall we?
 
 

  • The other type of emotionally unavailable man is unavailable due to his relationship (or relationships) with another woman (or women). These guys are never really committed to a woman. They don't see any relationship as necessarily permanent, including marriage - even if they give lip service to being "deeply committed" to the woman they are with at the moment. CHECK!  
  • In truth, however, they don't truly value their intimate relationships or take them seriously, because they are merely "playing," even though engagement or marriage hardly seems like something to "play" at. They don't take their relationships seriously because on some level - even if subconciously - they know they can find someone else who will get involved with them if their current affair ends. What else would cause someone to repeatedly play his future like a crapshoot without really fearing the outcome? CHECK! ...
  • It is probably because women keep attempting to get close to him that causes him to keep moving from partner to partner or to keep adding partners. He is uninterested in experiencing or is unable to experience deep feelings of connection with anyone. CHECK! (YWL told me in April 2002 that he "can't feel." This changed once he decided to move in on me to "I can't do sex without an emotional connection." You pick the true statement.) ...
  • What is dangerous about emotionally unavailable men is that they are not authentically emotionally responsive. They are emotionally avoidant. CHECK! ...Some of these men may have a sexual addiction that fuels their pursuit of rapidly revolving, superficial relationships. Perhaps his sexual addiction takes the form of chronic and compulsive pornography use, a pattern that will diminish a man's normal human responsiveness. CHECK! ...
  • be aware that [this type of man] will come across to you as a devoted father and husband or as an upstanding citizen of his community. Never discount the possibility that your emotionally unavailable man may have multiple hidden lives (always the case if he's engaging in clandestine extramarital affairs) as well as being an emotional predator. For example: emotional unavailability, plus life he keeps hidden from you, his wife or his girlfriend, plus the keen sixth sense of an emotional predator, plus a sexual addiction - help these pathological men thrive at attracting serial superficial relationships. CHECK! CHECK! 
  • If he is a sexual addict as well he will have a hidden life of endless porn watching, masturbation, voyeurism, and even using prostitutes. Many times these men will cover their perversions with heavy involvement in community politics, their church or synagogue or doing volunteer work. And they will make sure this cover is very visible so no one suspects. CHECK!!  
  • Sexually addicted predators will not stop at you, they will go after your friends as well. They think nothing of telling your friend that you mean nothing to them and that you are possibly "imagining" the relationship. They will tell their wives the same things about you or any other woman they know insisting "she's jealous of us and is obsessed with me." They are masterful jugglers of time and people. CHECK! ...
  • a woman's availability itself is a deciding factor... "any port in a storm" will provide adequate distraction from the reality of his life. CHECK!! (the fact he had so much time on his hands due to unemployment... do the math. If he'd really had such fond memories of me? He would have looked me up YEARS before. All he saw was my name and that 'hey, maybe she'll fuck me for free since I'm unemployed right now' light went off in his head.)  
  • In addition to finding women who are available, these men have to locate women who are willing to violate their own emotional, sexual and ethical standards... So his challenge is to find women who, with a little encouragement will deny their values and boundaries and partake. CHECK! (once YWL knew how I'd felt about him all that time, he pushed for about 5-6 weeks (back & forth) ... and threw on the love bombing and NLP - I struggled but I simply couldn't withstand the onslaught in my state of mind. My trauma counselors told me this! In August 2004 they had to "deprogram" me!)  
  • Womanizers also look for women who will believe their stories about their home life. Very few of them tell women how happy they are at home, how wonderful their wife is, and how they just really want to have extramarital sex with no strings attached. No, that usually isn't the story line. The story line goes: "No one has ever really loved me, and certainly not my wife. She nags... doesn't appreciate me... hates sex..." CHECK!!!  
  • Women take this hook too often. ...they will be able to make him "finally feel loved... listened to... appreciated." His need is not "once and for all to be loved" as much as it is to get laid, be amused and be distracted. CHECK!  
  • A womanizer may be highly verbal about his relationships. He may share personal information in such a way that women mistake his sharing for emotional intimacy... He knows well enough that women are empathic to tales of empty and sad relationships... CHECK! (does regaling me with stories of his sexual romps with his ex-fiance and even telling me about he and his wife having sex count? And because he could have CARED LESS about me - he took real pleasure in 'twisting the knife' into me since he knew he'd hooked me and then told me "I decided. We aren't going to have sex." Also - No boundaries, my freeze response and making me feel like crap - he hit the trifecta. He'd never EVER given me a chance at a real friendship!)  
  • Such men are successful when they find women who are unhappy in their own relationships. CHECK!!!!!!!!!  
  • An interesting point is that almost every woman who told us her story about getting involved with an emotionally unavailable man said it happened at a time when her self-esteem was low. [She] was coming out of a relationship situation that had damaged her self-esteem (such as being abused or even going through a divorce). Women accept far more during times of low self-esteem than they do when their self-esteem is sound. A belief that she doesn't deserve a whole, satisfying and healthy relationship is a reflection of how low her self-esteem is. If a man gives a woman who suffers with low-self esteem a little attention... then too often she willingly falls [for him]. CHECK!! (My counselors all told me this same thing! But wait!, YWL said I "went into this with my eyes open" .. ssshhhhuuurrrreee )
'I am now sorry for the pain I caused his family. Even if his wife never found out, I hurt her... which I had no business [doing]." - Ali CHECK
"These men aren't looking for love; they are looking for a distraction from what THEY really are." - Jamie CHECK!
~~~  
  • The emotional predator is as bad as it gets. He qualifies as the pinnacle of poisonous and pathological... He could, in fact, be called the "emotional psychic." That's because it's his ability to intuit and sense a woman's emotional vulnerabilities that places her at risk. Webster's defines predatory as "having a disposition to injure or exploit others for one's own gain; it defines predator as "one that preys, destroys or devours." That's a good summation of this man. Who but the most pathological among us would set out to exploit, prey on, destroy or devour? CHECK!! 
  • He will hone in on your vulnerabilities and read you. If he likes what he reads, he will follow up by luring you into his scary and dangerous life. CHECK!  
  • Predators have a natural ability for reading women who are lonely, bored, needy by nature, emotionally wounded or vulnerable. The predator also has his antennae up for women who... have unfulfilled needs in their lives. ...he figures out how he can squeeze into the vacant space in your life and what you need to hear in order to allow this to happen. CHECK! (he was never interested in me or my life. He was profiling me. He could have cared LESS!) ...
  • [they] "sense" which woman will make the best target for them. They don't know why they have this gift or how they acquired it. ...they have been working women over since childhood. A predator's intuitive sixth sense is untaught. ...an adult's skills can't compete with his abilities to scam, con and conquer. CHECK! (bet I was a big ego boost too - and he laughed his ass off every time he left me dangling) ...
  • emotional predators also fall into the mentally-ill category, usually under the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. Most also have hidden lives. When you couple a predator's natural instincts with a lifetime of skills honed by successfully conning, exploiting and injuring women, you have a man who is nothing short of extraordinarily smooth and capable of horrific dangerousness. CHECK  
  • Predators' motives vary. But you can be sure a predator wants something from you. That is the entire reason for the relationship. ...There is something in you that he wants. Maybe "all" he wants is your utter adoration or for you to exalt his ego. ...Maybe wants what you can provide to help establish his image so he will marry you ('good family man'). Or maybe ...he's most interested in the pursuit and conquest of a woman... If he is a sexual predator, you are a target, whether it be for consensual sex or rape - depending on whichever way it plays out or whatever mood he is in. CHECK!( Heavy on the consensual for him... but he won't admit he used emotional coercion and lies to accomplish one thing = emotional rape. Heaven forbid YWL be accused of wrongdoing... ohhhh noooo)  
  • A predator does not "need" the relationship. Early on... the predator is deliberately romantic. Predators are shifting chameleons who can be all things to all women. Predators are smooth as silk. ...predators are listeners who will give up very little information until they are sure it will align with your history. ...His selection is based on his need and your vulnerability. He knows it's a matter of matching need with need. The more he knows about your needs, the better he can meet them. CHECK! (he didn't even like me, in fact he hates me and ALWAYS HAS. What I don't get is when he had money to go back to the hookers and then Elizabeth... WHY all the times I tried to pull away or leave the relationship did he reel me back in? The only explanation could be that he liked raping my mind and toying with my emotions to amuse himself. If YWL meant what he left on my answering machine "I want to see you & talk to you. I don't want to lose you out of my life. You mean too much to me" - no matter what he would have done something to see me and talk to me. Even now. Yet he'd rather smear and block me. BTW, I was never 'IN' his life -- despite my repeated efforts to MAKE THE FRIENDSHIP WORK and get away from his sex-obession when he chatted with me!)  
  • He has a nose for vulnerability, so women who have unmet needs "smell" especially good to him. He seeks women who need men who can "sense and know" them on almost a spiritual level. Since he is good at this, he will appear to know you well - and quickly. CHECK! (and the fact we knew each other from earlier in our lives & were intimate? What a coup!)  
  • They like women who had absent fathers, angry mothers or neglectful and abusive husbands. Knowing that many women are trained to believe that people are basically good at heart, predators will present themselves as men of honor and virtue.... But because he is a chameleon, he will listen closely to see if you also need a mentor, an adviser on some topic, a spiritual leader, or a male friend. CHECK!!!  
  • During counseling sessions I've had with men who are emotional predators, some have verbalized their targets. One said, "I look for naive women. I like a certain vulnerability to her - that she trusts humanity without asking for proof. Maybe she's been hurt a lot so there's a "woundedness" to her. That vulnerability makes them believe you, because they need to believe you." CHECK.  
  • Another said, "I like the mentally weak - women who have been pounded down by men and those with childhoods that weren't so good. They are particularly easy." CHECK.  
  • It is important to understand that each predator has developed his own unique style. He has a "type" or two of women he prefers because with those types he has mastered the approach, the dating, and the 'end.' He doesn't have to think very hard if he just uses the profile he's had success with. One predator may prefer recently divorced or divorcing women because he succeeds at playing that angle with them. CHECK (most probably) ... 
  • these guys can show a woman they definitely "get it." They show you all the attention that the jerks you've been with haven't. They say all the right lines that the men in your past could never verbalize. They are brilliant and insightful about what you need. They seem to know exactly every pain you have suffered. CHECK!  
  • With more skill than a carnival psychic, the emotional predator can hone in on your every need, sympathize with you in such a way so that you believe you've met your long lost soulmate and sweep you off your feet... He's... more insightful than a therapist. He "knows" you the way no one else ever has. CHECK! (hell yes)  
  • This guy moves FAST. He's got to - before you figure out what his M.O. is. Every woman should be suspect of the relationships that seem to be traveling in the fast lane on the super-highway of emotional intimacy. A predator needs to keep you so euphoric with compliments and lover's talk that you aren't listening, or paying attention. He is dripping with sincerity and clinging to every word you say. A predator wants to consummate the relationship with you right away, because time is against him. CHECK! (YWL wanted me in bed with him almost immediately. Thank God I kept hedging and asking questions and demanding he slow down and be normal with me... even though he didn't. With all the "I couldn't control myself if I saw you," "just talking to you is making me h*rd... I am usually not that sensitive," "you make me feel like Stanley Kowalski" -- what horsesh*t! "I have to f*ck you soon"
    Or what he told Shira "I had to pull away from Barbara, the sexual tension was making me crazy." Really - what tension would THAT be YWL? The fact that my ex-husband found out so it was no longer convenient? Or that you didn't want to help me even though I was getting beat up on a daily basis because of you? Or could it be that I disgusted you so thoroughly and you were just having a big laugh at my profound expense? Or was it even that I was just asking too many pointed questions and you knew I was starting to figure you real motives out?)
     
  •  To move the relationship along and be indispensable to you, he must act helpful, comforting and generous. Since he is working against the clock, he must find out what you need and then meet that need. CHECK (see above)  
  • While listening to you and observing you, he will glean a lot of information about your hobbies, interests, spiritual beliefs and value systems. He is the original identity thief. He uncovers and uses for his own purposes everything he can about what makes you - YOU. He will find you amazing, beautiful, bright and talented - like no one he has EVER met before. He will align how he portrays himself with your needs and also your interests until you feel like you are looking at your twin. CHECK!! ("you were the most talented person I ever knew," "your breasts were always my favorite," "I loved being with you," "you aren't that fat, you are still very very lovely" hahahaha!)  
  • Finally, another way predators succeed with women is by preying on their compassion. Once a woman is in the grip of a predator, anything can happen. CHECK!!! (read this site for that one)  
  • [Once a woman sees their stories] for the crock they are and bust them for their fake opinions with them, they will try and turn the table and make it seem it was the woman who had emotional problems! CHECK! (read post "he said" on this site. And does blocking me and refusing to speak to me with excuses like "it will hurt my wife" or "talking wouldn't do either of us any good" - um, YWL? LET ME THINK FOR MYSELF. I deserve better and actually, so do you & your family & friends)  

So, how did YWL do on the predator checklist? 100%? Wow!

ONE FOR YOU, YIDWITHLID:

 hotnewskates (IP: 68.199.197.157 , ool-44c7c59d.dyn.optonline.net) E-mail : twisterjoker@gmail.com 
URL : Whois : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=68.199.197.157
It sort of seems that you have created a system/checklist basically freeing yourself from any wrongdoing in the relationship at any level (I just glanced, but am I wrong in saying that you were the other half of an affair? Is only one person in a relationship responsible for the actions that need two people?) Are you just saying that you are an innocent sheep, never getting your own needs or desires met? Honestly from what you've written, it seems like you got entangled in a relationship that didn't end up as you would of liked, and because you didn't get the desired result, are thus bitter. Unless you are of some superhuman moral absolution, you have to admit that your own personal bias and resentment and residual feelings are intertwined into the overall message of this post. Or maybe I just haven't encountered a psychopath. Or maybe I am one? Or maybe I'm with one? What a scam.
~~~~~~~~  
Looks like YidWithLid   (aka hotnewskates) or one of his sycophants paid me a visit!  LOL 
So I am posting this because it shows so clearly the selective machinations most Pathologicals show when called on their nonsense: 

1. I didn't create that checklist, brainiac Please tell me where you got YOUR medical degree?
2. I never didn't take responsibility at any time. Typical Pathological attempts to pick out one 'sore spot' (not sore at all, LOL) and pick at it. Obviously you can't read... or simply don't want to educate yourself. Amazing what arrogance & stupidity together sounds like!
3. My "needs"? Sounds suspiciously like YWL... or one of his proxies. I had NO NEEDS when I was first contacted and none of my real needs were met in any way, shape or form. YWL never befriended me, never allowed me to meet his family or vice versa, never was honest or real with me in any way and never treated me as a human being with respect, empathy and consideration. So no, none of my needs were met. I was brainwashed to meet HIS needs and his needs only. Nice to feel like an object who has no right to feel used or abused. This was not about my needs in ANY WAY.
4. My understanding and integrating that I was brainwashed, lured & groomed comes from the counseling and help I received at a clinic for people with severe PTSD and at least 3 well-known therapists in Trauma. I suggest you take up the 'accountability' issue with them. Oh and be sure you take your Medical Degree with you when you do.
5. If my 'personal bias' as you call it, includes supporting women through the PTSD and aftermath of relationships with Pathologicals, preventing suicides and educating men & women about pathology and it's effect on all our lives... as well as the 100s of thankful emails I have gotten then I say - gimme' more of THAT kind of bias & scam!
6. Bitter? Nah. No longer naive, no longer trusting, no longer dating and dealing with permanent, diagnosed PTSD? sure. Moving on and using what I have learned to validate, support & inform others? Absolutely!
Isn't that scorned woman, bunny boiler, stalker stuff getting kind of old? I don't have that kind of time to spend on a soulless predator... I'd rather use the knowledge to help others, it's much more gratifying. So go ahead friends, let educate this Cluster B poster... if we can! Or is this merely projection and another Pathological's gaslighting scam?
Most reputable therapists & psychiatrists are stopping that BLAME THE VICTIM mentality now... and the "it takes 2 to tango" baloney... thank GOD it was explained to me and I was shown how I was methodically and diabolically used, manipulated, brainwashed, hypnotized and so on... before you throw accusations get your facts straight. Don't believe me - read some of the other comments here.

Really hurts to find out you're a PREDATOR who PREYS on real human beings, doesn't it. I'd be happy to recommend a place to get help... unless you see nothing wrong with using and abusing people this way. Unless you ARE one and you see nothing wrong with exploiting people like objects, using women for sex objects and having zero empathy for them when you throw them away like used tissues.

cindibear@yahoo.com 98.14.11.174 2009-11-06 21:25:40 2009-11-07 02:25:40 - <![CDATA["The ]]> 1 0 0NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) illusion of superiority is a facet of a generalized disdain for reality. These individuals feel unconstrained by rules, customs, limits, and discipline. Their world is filled with self-fiction in which conflicts are dismissed, failures redeemed, and self-pride is effortlessly maintained. They easily devise plausible reasons to justify self-centered and inconsiderate behavior. Their memories of past relationships are often illusory and changing. If rationalizations and self-deception fail, individuals with NPD are vulnerable to dejection, shame, and a sense of emptiness. Then they have little recourse other than fantasy. They have an uninhibited imagination and engage in self-glorifying fantasies. What is unmanageable through fantasy is repressed and kept from awareness. As they consistently devalue others, they do not question the correctness of their own beliefs; they assume that others are wrong. The characteristic difficulties of individuals with NPD almost all stem from their lack of solid contact with reality. If the false image of self becomes substantive enough, their thinking will become peculiar and deviant. Then their defensive maneuvers become increasingly transparent to others" (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 405-423). Sharon C. Ekleberry -- Dual Diagnosis and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. -
One of two possibilities:
1. The "person" who wrote the commentary is either unaware or ignorant about the impact a pathological can have on a non-pathological and this "person" lacks the necessary knowledge and insight to understand that impact.
2. The "person" who wrote the commentary is a mutant mole, also known as a personality disordered creature and can't stand for the "light" of truth to be revealed. After all, moles scurry underground in the dirt and darkness and are completely blind. The "moles" of either species cause tremendous damage. But the damage caused by the furry kind with huge paws and sunken beady eyes can be easily repaired.
On the other hand, the damage caused by the mutant mole is usually permanent.
Yes, it does take 2 to Tango...but the pathological starts out Tap Dancing and never stops!! The pathological tap-dances around every issue, every feeling, every truth, and everyone!!
on.usher@btinternet.com 78.149.53.104 2009-11-07 18:10:29 2009-11-07 23:10:29 - Do I smell a RAT? Well, from what I read in the post above from "hotnewskates", it sure seems that way... I'm certain that the author is either the said "rat" OR one of his sychophants with that same old, "she asked for it" crap the predators spoon-feed them with.....Blah-di-di-blah-di-blah!!!! If it was'nt so sickening, it would be funny!

Who the hell do you think you are!? All Barbara did was TRUST that piece of crap! And, after she got through the initial painful trauma of the wicked things which were done to her, with what little energy she could muster decided to help other women who have been through something similar to her. Women like me! This lady is at the total opposite end of the moral spectrum to the vile creature who used and manipulated her.

Don't you understand, SHE WAS ABUSED BY HIM TO SUCH A DEGREE SHE NEEDED MEDICAL INTERVENTION!? If you are one of the cyberpath's "sympathisers", maybe you could do us all a favour and keep your pathetic, ignorant opinions to yourself! OR, if you are actually "IT", then you can expect your karma bus to pull up any minute! You know something? You're not fit to fasten her laces! YUK!

tiffanys1184@hotmail.com 76.186.158.243 2009-11-08 15:47:47 2009-11-08 20:47:47 - How transparent skater-dude! Wow, you obviously know NOTHING about the horror of being involved with a pathologically disordered person. Perhaps because you are one yourself?? I find it very interesting how you seem to be personally attacking the blogger's story as if it had something to do with you. Otherwise, why would you be here, with an obvious chip on your shoulder instead of a calm, intellectual debate?
Go back to your victimizing of those who don't know better, poor things that they are
psychopathnextdoor@googlemail.com http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com 84.13.173.244 2009-11-08 15:49:42 2009-11-08 20:49:42 -
This sounds like a typical reaction (email) from somebody who A: has no empathy or B: Doesn't understand what a psychopath is, nor how devastating it is to be in a relationship with one. or C: is one themselves.
The commenter obviously has no idea how manipulative the narcissist/sociopath can be. We -- as the discarded targets of said sociopaths -- do NOT desire a perfect, on cloud 9, flying ponies shitting rainbows relationship, we wanted a relationship that was 2 sided in it's giving/taking capabilities. We wanted and strived to treat the narcissist how we wanted to be treated. We all know a relationship isn't perfect, we all have our own issues and wrongdoings, we admit these, freely. We are not blind , and we all know fully well that the dreamy hollywood love isn't real. We don't have unrealistic expectations! It is give and take , not take take take which is what a narcissist lives by.
The narcissist lives his life using fiction - LIES We as the targets/victims live with reality - TRUTH.
And finally, we as the discarded targets of sociopaths spent the entire relationship admitting we were wrong, apologizing, appeasing, giving, loving, pleading, begging and forgiving. Even when we were not the guilty party.
So no one has the right to stand up and point fingers at us accusing us of being unrealistic, guilty and irresponsible.