THE DUBIOUS HONOR OF BEING VICTIM OF THE MONTH

Around October 2004 I was contacted by other women who'd also been involved in destructive online relationships. My email had been shared with them. They felt that there was no site out there to help people identify those who prey on adults as well as a site to show them - with clear examples of WHAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU ARE THE TARGET OF A PSYCHOPATH! They had started this site. There are now 4 women that I know of, around North America and Europe who work on the site. The site is run by great people. Yes, all smart women who made a similar mistake and wanted to make sure no one else did. (I do not know who they are and I am not and never have been one of them)  I hope people are learning from that site.

I even went to a rabbi who was working with me, my trauma counselors and my therapist and all of them saw the healing power in telling my story. I gathered up everything the police had given me, the stuff my ex's attorney had presented me with (as you will read ex had my computer keylogged for quite some time prior to YWL getting in touch with me... ). 

I had to provide the site with police verifications, the computer forensic verifications and so on. It's illegal to make claims online or off without verifiable proof. They wanted to do my story. They weren't going to lie or cover for me if I was making stuff up. I told them they could NOT publish my name or location or YWL's real name or location or anyone else's for the safety of our innocent children and YWL's spouse.  

They had strict legal guidelines for what they post. So yes, they checked everything I sent them via their contacts in law enforcement.
 

Here are all the posts which were published on the site around March 2005. So its been out there for a couple years at least. Click on any of the links provided and hopefully it will take you right to the post. Read in date order... feel free to ask me questions. I'm past being embarrassed simply because I was the target of a predator. http://cyberpathlinks.blogspot.com/2007/06/j-aka-gridney-aka-yidwithlid-aka-sammy.html  

I will clarify again that I could not lie and everything in these posts had to be verified independently. By the time it was posted on that site - NYPD, 2 attorneys handling my divorce & custody of my children, my therapist, a marriage counselor, NYPD Computer Crimes (Dets. Smith & Herrera), an NYPD Victim's Advocate, the Manhattan District Attorney's Office and 3 other women had read them. Even the posts that I made them withhold. Everything. I was pretty much naked in terms of my involvement with this mess. I was too numb and traumatized.  

ARTICLE 1  
ARTICLE 2  
ARTICLE 3  
ARTICLE 4
ARTICLE 5 
 ARTICLE 6  

The Spring and Summer of 2005 NYPD and the Manhattan DA's office called me a number of times. This is what they were prosecuting and some of it had to do with what NYPD turned up on YWL: They used what I gave them and what they turned up to unlock a major case.  

Imagine how SHOCKED I was when I saw that in the paper. I called NYPD and they told me they were going to pass, as per my request, on prosecuting YWL but they had turned up even more because of what I gave them and some of it was key evidence in other large probes. They were not going to share the information with any other law enforcement because of the nature of the investigations (they were afraid of tipping off any of the other 'sex for money' businesses they were looking into I guess). The brothel here was the big fish - so they gave YWL a pass. I was relieved to know that his family would be o.k.  

I have gotten a lot of emails saying while I was involved with a wrongful online relationship, YWL was a john and may still be. I did what I had to do. I went to the police for a temporary order of protection after YWL threatened me. It snowballed from there. What I learned made me physically ill and I spent quite a bit of time in & out of the hospital.  

YWL coerced me into something really ugly. But no, I had no idea how ugly because my past experience with YWL led me to believe he was harmless. He certainly is very smart and savvy and I give him a lot of credit for his successes in life. Yes, I did request that the DA and NYPD NOT prosecute YWL for soliciting and trafficking on his lunch hours. Call me stupid but that wasn't my call. His family didn't deserve what he did. 

And if you think I am an idiot for making that request - then ok - I AM AN IDIOT. Computer Crimes was nice enough to help me out with Ms. Gluck's nonsense because they know I am credible and not some hysterical maniac. I personally have a blemishless record. I only have a couple parking tickets on my record. I was a paralegal for years and was licensed with the State. My fingerprints and information are on file. I couldn't lie even if I wanted to.  

Yes, YWL called what I sent his wife "prose" and continues to say I am lying and fabricating. Goodness knows what else he's told people about me. He's a consummate salesman so I would guess it's pretty nasty, whatever it is. What else could he say without exposing his true nature? He resented me in 1975 and he hates me now. I was never anything more than an awkward, protracted one-night stand. That's just a fact. I believe it and know it to be truth. YWL has proved it by his actions.  

The cops patrolled my home for many years to make sure I am ok. Because of my domestic violence work I have some very angry exes of women I know looking for me - so the precinct sends a car by every once in a while.
 

The story is out there - its been out there for years now. I know so many of you are telling me I was misled and so on. Yes I was. 

There comes a time when you have to grow up and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. But I will not take responsibility for things I did not do. 

  BTW, let me make this clear once and for all. Sexual stuff is extremely triggering for me. Don't tell me "never say never" - I am not interested. I can't look at porn at all... so WHY whoever put that porn site up did it -- I don't know!! Ugh!! YWL's hooker reviews caused me to vomit every time I saw them.They were depraved, objectifying, smarmy and complete filth.

Thank you NYPD CITU unit for helping me get that garbage taken down. 

I know I was a victim but I am also trying to keep others from being victimized. That's why I let that site publish my story. NOT for revenge, not to hurt anyone, not to end YWL's little lunchhour sex parties or his exploiting my friends with my good words about him, Because the only one who can really help him - is his wife.

That's the only reason why I told his wife - to help YWL STOP VICTIMIZING HIS FAMILY!
#ifmywoundswerevisible

THE CHAT YWL WANTS GONE, ERASED, SCRUBBED

Chat that YWL had with my best friend about the situation on March 17, 2004.

(Notice him "trying out new lies" to see what will fly!! He didn't realize she already knew everything and KNEW he was lying to her!)

Shira: hey YWL

YWL: I am an ass

Shira: well, ok

Shira: what makes you say that???

YWL: Its a long story

Shira: do tell

YWL: ok

YWL: I met someone online that I really care about

YWL: it happened after

YWL: well you know when I got upset that night

Shira: right

Shira: hey

Shira: remind me again why you got upset? I was never really clear on that

YWL: because honestly I felt that I was being toyed with.

YWL: anyway..Barabra and I stayed online that night (no we didn't -- I was online with Shira until 3am; YWL blocked me and went back to cybersex with Elizabeth... as I found out)  

YWL: very late

Shira: well you should have said something to us

Shira: we always joke around like that

YWL: I did

YWL: 'to Barbara

YWL: then I went away

Shira: right

YWL: and then when I got back I pulled away from Barbara

YWL: I had to it was making me crazy

Shira: what was making you crazy?

YWL: tension

YWL: we both wanted to sleep with each other but knew it could never happen (WTF? because I told him no way  LOL!)

YWL: we talked about it till like 3 in the morning

YWL: anyway I started talking to someone online and we got very close

YWL: I was even making a buisness trip to go meet her

YWL: Well yesterday her and Barbara talked and now they are both so hurt  (HURT?  Doesn't even start to cover it)

Shira: hang on - but you practically had to be coaxed out with a handful of sugar cubes to go meet Barbara for LUNCH!

YWL: no

YWL: I was supposed to see her next week

Shira: Yes, for the second time in 2 years

YWL: because I could deal with it now

YWL: now you know the reason I felt I couldn't

YWL: and now I have hurt her

YWL: now I have hurt Elizabeth

YWL: and most importantly I have lost her as a friend

YWL: I have been throwing up all morning

Shira: DESTROYED her, YWL. The word is DESTROYED. You have no idea the amount of abuse she puts up with in your name on a daily basis for something she never even did!

YWL: thats why I was reluctent to see her to make it worse and I have anyway

YWL: I cant throw up anymore

Shira: so don't throw up

YWL: Im so nauseous

Shira: so what are you going to do then?

YWL: I dont know

YWL: Shira -- I do love Barbara and dont want to lose her out of my life

YWL: I dont know what to do

YWL: except throw up

Shira: you love her?

YWL: yes but not in a romantic sense anymore. It started going away that night (again... going away... wtf is he TALKING ABOUT! LOL!)

Shira: so you did love her in a romantic sense at one point?

YWL: yes!

Shira: did you ever tell hr?

YWL: no

YWL: not exactly

Shira: well YWL you either tell someone you love them or you don't

YWL: no I didnt

YWL: but eveytime we tried to stop we couldnt

YWL: but I forced myself

Shira: you forced yourself?

Shira: Or you found it easier because you had someone else to play with?

YWL: no because that happened almost two month before I met

Shira: how did you meet her?

YWL: she commented on one off my articles so I sent her a thank you (that's a lie, even Elizabeth says in emails printed on this site I INTRODUCED THEM)

YWL: and she email back

Shira: you send thankyous to everyone who comments?

YWL: yes

YWL: I do  
YWL: read the bottom of one of my articles (great way to collect emails for future victims!)

YWL: it says right there

Shira: k

YWL: He reads and responds to all of his mail, so comment by here

Shira: oh, yeah, of course I remember now

YWL: and then we started emailing

YWL: and iming

YWL: and one thing led to another

Shira: YWL you do know Barbara loved you, and that for her love is something she tries to avoid because it has only ever brought her pain

YWL: until we had a big fight yesterday

YWL: I had a big fight with Elizabeth yesterday because.. she didnt want me to be friends with Barbara (again, I found out this is a massive lie too!  It was the OTHER WAY AROUND)  

YWL: and the rest as we say is history

Shira: how does she know Barbara?

YWL: they met on a newsgroup

Shira: oh, right

YWL: thats how she got to read mystuff

YWL: I asked Barbara if I could call her and she is ignoring me

OT1: well from the sound of it that's not surprising

YWL: she told Elizabeth that I said bad things about her which is not true

Shira: why would she lie?

YWL: I never said anything cause I knew it would hurt her (hurt? wtf? he just wanted to keep using & abusing me as he kept on smearing and lying about me to others.)

YWL: I swear

Shira: BARBARA DOESN'T LIE

YWL: I never discussed Elizabeth with Barbara (admission of lying and also notice how he leaves out that he's 'discussed' - lied about & smeared - me to Elizabeth to keep us from talking and finding out he's a predator who's been using both of us for his sexual fun & games!)

YWL: On my life (which life would that be?  the one your wife knows about or the one you have at Julie's or the one you have online....)

YWL: gtg

 

~~~~~ 

YWL: Barabar wouldnt pic up her mobile

Shira: well I did say to leave a message. She's a busy woman

YWL: I dont know

Shira: you know how it is...kids and all, also she's disabled, remember

YWL: Her vioce mail didnt pic up

YWL: I dont htink

YWL: I ddint hear a beeb

YWL: but Italked anyway

Shira: what'd you say?

YWL: I said that I didnt want to loseher from my life that she was too important and could we talk

Shira: YWL she's been awake for 30 hours

Shira: she's distraught

Shira: YWL

Shira: you've utterly destroyed any trust she had in you

Shira: you've made her feel used

YWL: I know

YWL: but I wasnt

YWL: I swear

Shira: you weren't what?

Shira: using her?

YWL: we were supposed to meet next week

Shira: so?

YWL: I asked her to keep the lucnh

YWL: so w can talk

Shira: you know, if I were her I wouldn't want to talk to you

Shira: I would feel very used and betrayed

YWL: I know

Shira: you were using her, weren't you

YWL: no

YWL: I wasnt

Shira: well; what else do you call cybersex with her, and then another woman, with no intention of anything else?

YWL: I told you how it happedn and they were sepreated by time

YWL: and there was an intention

Shira: what did you intend?

YWL: I had set up a trip to see Elizabeth

Shira: I meant MY friend, Barbara! Not your newest girlfriend, Elizabeth!

YWL: So you arent going to help me?

Shira: Help you!?

You've been lying and toying with Barbara for 2 years with no intention other than to twist her into knots and using her! So, what do you expect after what you've done to my best friend?

You lied about ME, too. 
I tell you what, YWL, you best be sh*tting yourself. You ********. And you call yourself a spiritual man. I think not. All you think about is your **** and I wish you everything you deserve. What a filthy lying s**tbag you are.

 

A Blast from YWLs Past... or Present

Hear from NYPD once in a great while now. But there’s a possibility YWL went right back to his sex addiction. My business?  Probably not. But those poor girls.

THIS just reminded me

MORAL EQUIVALENCY - WHAT HAPPENED: THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

MANIPULATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE

 

While the harm most of these men inflict is emotional and psychological, there are those among them with a more dangerous twist, who feed off their victims' souls the way a leech drains the blood of its prey: drop by drop. These are the captivating vampires, whose devious masks conceal every woman's worst nightmare. To these men, control is like oxygen. Every sign of submission from others is like the breath of life, falsely confirming their delusion that only force & fear affirms their worth. That hidden fear is the truth that threatens their common delusion of godlike invincibility and exposes them as frightened little men, terrified of everyone and everything, including their own guilt. But guilt, for them, is intolerable. They twist responsibility for their cruel actions away from themselves and lay it onto their victims. Their domineering maneuvers are magically excused in their minds. They project their own selfish, manipulative and deceptive defects of character onto the very people they harm, while persistently and vigorously proclaiming themselves as blameless. He was just treating you like a goddess. He was being so sweet and attentive. Maybe he was even telling you how wonderful you are. Then, in the sudden twinkling of a diabolical eye, he's treating you like you've become a "bitch-on-wheels." And you don't know why. He accuses you of everything from insincerity to stalking, and your mind scrambles to discover what you just said or did that's setting him off. He keeps saying it's you, and is so intensely convinced that it is you that it's hard not to believe him. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. There will always be something - apparently innocuous to you - which will abruptly stoke his raging fire again. And again and again, round and around, until your spirit and soul are finally ground into fine, despondent grains of charred debris, and your mind eventually looks like a Tokyo china-shop after a 9.0 earthquake.
 

Maybe he never physically beats you. Or maybe he never will. But you never know. He is stunningly impulsive and unpredictable. But he always assaults you emotionally, ripping into every fiber of your being with verbal vindictive, threats and accusations. Being keel-hauled over a coral reef is a cake-walk, compared to this torment. The only thing predictable about such a man is his extreme unpredictability. It is only after you become intimately snared into him that you discover the soul-grinder that lies waiting to strike. Until then, you may even find him amazingly attentive, sensitive and empathic to your every need. He can initially appear to be completely non-threatening. That is why it is critical to learn how to identify this type of individual, because there is a high probability that brutally sociopathic or sadistic-type personality disorders may hide behind his appealing camouflage of muted sensitivity. When borderline, sociopathic and sadistic disorders combine with a narcissistic disorder, a particularly deceptive and dangerous Molotov cocktail of character pathology results. Shortly after he had seduced his next "relationship", "Tom" developed a calculating and classically "I hate you-I love you" borderline way of mentally & sexually controlling his woman.  
Since he knew that the marked conscientiousness of this woman's character made her particularly loyal, he was certain his method of erotic control would work because, no matter how much she desired sex, she would never seek it with someone else and would always give in to his pressures. This was the key to his method, and his way of making her feel simultaneously responsible and guilty for her own desires and his cunning manipulation of them. Knowing that he had control of her loyalty, he would "work" her sexual longing by timing its gratification. He would do this by turning her on with words & suggestions, then losing interest by feigning "a tough day at the office," "a sore back," or some other pretext. 

All the while, his borderline instinct for reading her level of sexual frustration watched and waited, until he could tell that she was in a state of carnal gridlock. He relieved himself with prostitutes and porn while she did a slow torturous boil. Then he released the laser intensity of his loin-lions upon her now fever-pitched libido and gratified her to the nth-degree. To increase the agonizing effect of this cycle upon her, he added two more factors of frustration. He initiated the first by asking about her sexual history with a lot of 'understand & compassion', getting her comfortable enough to tell him things she'd done when younger that she felt guilt about. And he always feigned outraged and agonized sexual betrayal including laying moral guilt trips on her. This ratcheted up her sense of guilt even further.

Then - just to twist that ratchet one last click - he dropped using excuses like tough days at the office and sore backs for one that was a psychological coup de trompe' of controller manipulation. He started accusing her of sexually abusing him! He had completely succeeded in deceiving her into believing that she was manipulating poor, morally-upright, erotically-exhausted him. And he had gotten her to cling to him! Once a this type of pathological man has succeeded in this kind of sexual "trick," or in other less genital manipulations, the Hater appears. This hateful part of him may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until he feels he has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes it's first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.

Roger Melton, M.A., L.M.F.T., CEAP  
-----------------------------

lynchga11@yahoo.com 74.83.197.27 2011-02-08 10:36:39 2011-02-08 15:36:39 This is EXACTLY what my sociopathic ex-boyfriend did to me... exactly... oh my god... it was so incredibly painful. And I almost believed him. It makes me shudder to think how close I came to having a shattered mind because of his manipulations. I am one of the fortunate ones. I got out.


lisalisa46@live.com 
48 75.15.94.159 2011-08-06 00:33:18 2011-08-06 05:33:18 
GODDAMN! Did you date him TOO?

blonde_bomb_2009@hotmail.com 124.177.49.147 2011-08-06 00:43:31 2011-08-06 05:43:31 - 
my life to a tee...the change in them once they’ve dropped their mask is torturously disbelieving. Whats worse is that no one else gets it or understands the brainwashing they’ve been doing, its been subtle, slow, stealth, cunning and confusing and then its devestating and can be fatal.

If you survive, your mind is tortured by the obsessive disbelieving thoughts of this person you’ve lived with and had children with for more than two decades as he continues to defame and demonise you as the abuser, all the while he has stolen every cent of money you’ve earned while being left with PTSD trying to survive and being knifed psychologically by him at every single turn of life. Despite awareness, the event has occurred and the replaying in your mind of this person you believed was your protector is now your most evil enemy seems neverending.