WHO IS REALLY RESPONSIBLE?

YWL contends that I am using the "coercion" angle to duck my own responsibility in this whole thing. Funny thing is, I took TOTAL responsibility until the police and my PTSD/ trauma counselors went PAGE BY PAGE through all the chats and showed me what was done to me.  

It explained so much... and then I had to deprogram -- which took years.

Without doubt, one of the questions many women have is whether the psychopath was inducing trance, hypnosis, mind control, or used other forms of covert coercion. Many women ask this question because they acted contrary to their own relational histories with other men. Or, they felt heavily emotionally overpowered, trance-y, or spaced out through much of the relationship. So, does the psychopath have the ability to induce trance? The answer is yes. The psychopath also uses positive suggestion. Combined with a trance state, this can be quite effective with women who are high in cooperation. The psychopath gives positive suggestions when he agrees with her ideas, flatters her own self identity, and gives positive reinforcement. This is practically the psychopath’s entire repertoire in the luring and honeymoon phases.

Since psychopaths are chameleons, they pretend to be whatever their women are. They probably mimicked the women’s own moral principles. Ironically, many of the women’s stories end with the loss of their moral principles in the relationship. This could be through [his coercing her to] in some way violate her own moral code. By the end of the relationship, she was likely to have become mortified at his immoral behavior and how it took her down a negative path she never intended on.

Why YWL did this... is still beyond my understanding. He says "it takes two to tango." That statement is predator blame-shifting 101.
 

~ Bidermans Chart of Coercion ~

Abusers use tactics similar to what prison guards use on their prisoners, it is a type of brainwashing. They recognize that control is not easily accomplished, they need the cooperation of the victim. This can most effectively be gained through subversive manipulation of the mind and feelings of the victim, who then becomes a psychological, as well as a physical prisoner. These tactics form what we know as emotional & psychological abuse. The original Bidermans Chart of Coercion identifies these methods and tactics of power and control used by abusers and their anticipated result. This Chart was originally a publication called "Report of Torture", which depicted the brainwashing of prisoners during war. Diana Russel later reprinted it in her book "Rape in Marriage." The tactics used are:

ISOLATION -

this deprives the victim of all social support that is necessary for the ability to resist. It makes the victim develop an intense concern with self. It also makes the victim dependent upon the interrogator, just like our predators, wanting all the control. They demean our family, friends, jobs and schooling, to the point that we generally give them all up. We begin to believe what they are telling us and fear what may happen, if we don't go along with them. Once they take away our outside support system, so we have no one telling us anything different, than what they are saying. 
 

MONOPOLIZATION OF PERCEPTION -

this fixes attention upon the immediate predicament and fosters introspect. It eliminates any stimuli competing with those controlled by them, and it frustrates all actions not consistent with compliance. This makes us worry about each moment, we have little or no outside contact or focus, just what is happening with our abusive situation and if we don't abide by what they say or want, we know how bad it can and will get. 

 

INDUCED DEBILITY AND EXHAUSTION -

this weakens both our mental and physical ability to resist. How many of our abusers picked 3am to cause an uproar? Odd or emotional times, when we were not strong enough to resist. Or the ones who want you to waiting around online for them, only come on at late hours once they have you hooked, not let you sleep, then go at it with you all night long. They know when we are tired, we are more vulnerable and more apt to give in to their demands, without a fight. Exhaustion makes it even more difficult to counter the accusations and we agree to things we never would under normal conditions. 

 

THREATS -

this cultivates anxiety and despair. Threats can be as bad or worst than actions, the fear this can instill can do an incredible amount of emotional damage and alot to keep us in line. This is an emotional blackmail.


 

OCCASIONAL INDULGENCES -

this provides positive motivation for compliance. Often after the abuse, during the "honeymoon stage" they may send flowers, call you all the time, "love bomb" you, be kind and promise unconditional love, ect. Some nice little things, which to the victim will usually mean alot, when we are so wide open with pain. It will always happen when we are most vulnerable. But to the sociopath it only means more control!

 

 

DEMONSTRATING "OMNIPOTENCE" -

this suggests futility of resistance. Making you believe they are completely capable and have the ability to carry out any threats and warnings they have given you, if you don't comply. They have all the power and you better do as they say, regardless of what you may feel about these things.


 ENFORCING TRIVIAL DEMANDS -
this develops a habit of compliance. All those little things they can get you to accept doing, those lists of chores, asking you where you go, how you dress, how you speak or not to speak -- what they 'expect' in a woman. Begging you for cybersex, photos, etc because they "need" them is also part of this. This a part of their way of getting you to do the big things, the bad things and also keeping quiet about them. They have been programming you to obey, whatever they say.

 

DEGRADATION -

this makes the cost of resistance appear to be more damaging to self-esteem than the capitulation. It reduces the victim to "animal level" concerns. In other word, if you don't go along with what they want, you will suffer the consequences and that will be worst than if you just do whatever they want.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

All of these methods have been used on us, day after day. The road to freedom and healing begins with overcoming everything they have worked so hard to put into place in our minds. This sometimes requires an understanding trauma therapist. It is not an easy task. 

The first step is to acknowledge them for what they are - tactics to have power and control over us. Most everything that has been said to us are lies and empty promises. We must totally begin to think for ourselves and wipe out all the negative things that we have been programmed to believe and feel.

Every one of us must know, none of it was our fault, we didn’t ask for it and we definitely did not and do not deserve it.

There is nothing any of us could have done differently, or better that would of changed how they have acted, or made the trauma not happen.

That is the sole choice and problem of the predator. They usually will never admit that though.

No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form - even online. It is our right to be happy and free from abuse. The users of these tactics are criminals, just as a rapist, an armed robber or a murderer.

They should be treated as such and not be made excuses for or their abuse and preying on us covered up.

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http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com  2009-02-12 0
Awesome post- thank you All that guilt and shame that psychopaths such as this Yidwithlid place upon us continually crush our morals and our worth as human beings. It is emotional rape plain and simple.