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Monday, May 21, 2007

APOLOGY? NOT!

FROM: YWL
 TO: Elizabeth_Green@###.com,
Barbara [lewd misspelling of my last name]@###.net  

DATE: 3/26/2004

I am writing down every day. I see the pain I cased every second of very day. my wife crying (sometimes she throws up) every day and ail cause of me. My kids having no interpersonal relationships because I have been selfish ant too lazy to give them the attention thy deserve. I have a friend my [clergyman] who I made feel so uncomfortable by mixing him up in all this Even quitting the #### was selfish. . 

And I am also profoundly sorry for the pain that I have cased to you both. Every Day I pray to God to relive your pain and that of my family. and then I pray that he bring me closer to [Him] in mind and spirit. so I can change the kind of horrible person I have been.  

Babrara you are right about those 12 steps but they take time...the first one was discussing it all and that goes way beyond my time on line it goes to the way I relate to my family help my kids,. 

My rabbi says to do true teshuva, I have to change, and I am working on int,,,
it is a lng drawn out process.,.  

I got rid of aol adn yahoo and only have the original MSN I dont go ton here, I was advised to no longer put my self in oppottunities where I have to be strong at least untill I have shanged form the creep I was, .

Someday with God’s help I may be a decent human being again.. 

Am truely sorry for the pain I caused and all I can say is that ai sm trying to make that person go away Ihis is from the heart, wheater u believe or not.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


Isn't YWL's 'apology' above a perfect example of this?:

 

How NOT to Apologize when you have Seriously Fucked Up.


1.) Apologize in email. Hey, why should you actually have to FACE the person you harmed and DEAL with the real consequences of your actions - like the fact that they might still be hurt and upset? It's so much easier to do it from a distance - that way you can go around telling everyone how you made all this EFFORT to rectify things. If questioned on this, you can fall back on your old excuses about how the other person is just too scary to face in person. (People you have betrayed aren't usually very compliant). Call them scorned, a stalker or obsessed. Say it will hurt your other friends or family. Ignore the fact that this avoidance is completely contradicting any statements you might make about "taking responsibility" for your behavior (see below).  

2.) Make sure the "confession", er, apology comes MONTHS or years after the incident. It's just too much work to actually own up immediately afterwards. Let's face it, you're not after any real resolution, and you are not offering any kind of restitution - you are looking to assuage your guilty conscience and buy absolution, and, if you play your cards right, you can get attention for your act of "bravery" in coming forward. If it's absolution you are looking for, why not join the Catholic church instead?

"Powerful and sneaky people use apologies as end runs around repentance. They betray a trust; and, when they have been found out, they say they are sorry for "mistakes in judgement". They smile through their oily apologies when their crime calls for quakes of repentance. They get by only because we have lost our sense of the difference between repentance for wrong and apologies for bungling.... We should not let each other get away with it. A deep and unfair hurt is more than a mere faux pas. We cannot put up with everything from everyone; some things are intolerable. When someone hurts us deeply and unfairly [deliberately], an apology will not do the job; it only trivializes a wrong that should not be trifled with." -- Lewis B. Smedes, "Forgive and Forget"
3.) Use generic sweeping statements, so that you don't have to own up to, or deal with any specifics. This is a great way to avoid any REAL acknowledgement for the stunts you have pulled, while giving the appearance of sincerity. As Dr. Phil (C. McGraw) says:
"Acknowledgement is a no-kidding, unvarnished, bottom-line, truthful confrontation with yourself about what you are doing or not doing, or what you are putting up with in your life that is destructive. It's not some pious, phoney-baloney, half-hearted rendition of what you think they want to hear. Nor is it a watered-down, politically correct 'confession' that you think will buy you closure at the expense of truth. I mean brutal reality: slapping yourself in the face and admitting what you are doing to screw up your life. This also means admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you're doing, however sick or subtle those payoffs are."
And God knows, real acknowledgement and acceptance of responsibility is not what you were after or you wouldn't have apologized in email in the first place.  

YWL are you BUTTHURT?

4.) Try to evoke sympathy for yourself as part of the apology. Use worn-out lines like "It may not mean much to you now...". Thank the person for their past "support" of you in your (largely self-inflicted) trials and tribulations as a not-so-subtle reminder of how "rough" things have been for you and your other friends/ family. You can also use this as a way to look magnanamous and introspective while avoiding taking any real action.  

Whine about how you are finally working on your "issues" (never mind that you have been saying the same thing for years), as if that is supposed to mean something real. Avoid any discussion about what you are doing *specifically* to work on those issues. After all, (despite your previous litany of lies) the person you are apologizing to should trust that you really mean what you say this time, right?  

Talk about how you are finally accepting responsibility for the consequences of your behavior, and then avoid making any effort to talk to the other person face to face. Talk about how you miss the fun you had with the other person (carefully avoiding any mention of the fun you had at that person's expense at the same time)

See if there is still a chain left to be yanked. Remember, this is all about assuaging your conscience and repairing your damaged image - not about doing real work or genuine caring for the other person, but nobody else needs to know that. With a little careful manipulation, you can use this apology to get sympathy and attention from other people as well.  

5.) Don't give any reasons about why you have suddenly decided to extend this tremendous effort (writing an email) after so much time has passed. It is equally important that you avoid replying to any questions they might ask about specifics. Remember, this isn't really about making amends, it's about making yourself feel better.  

6.) Expect instant redemption and forgiveness. Remember, no matter what you have done, a few words are supposed to magically wipe away all the pain of the past with no further work required by you. Now that you have made a token gesture, the other person should just "forgive and forget" and "move on" and stop talking about it or asking you for accountability so that you find it easier to sleep at night.  

7.) Get upset when your trite "olive branch" isn't received with warmth and acceptance. Go whining to whomever will listen, about how you made all this *EFFORT*, and how *HARD* it was for you to take that step (what with all your issues, and all), and how it was REJECTED because that awful person actually expected you to DO SOMETHING REAL. After all, you have ISSUES and such, and that means you should be exempted from behaving in a manner congruent to your words, and everyone should coddle you and praise even the smallest effort on your part.  

8.) Take no further action. Use pat phrases like, "I'm doing my best to take responsiblity for the consequences of my behaviour", but don't actually DO anything beyond sending the email. It plays well, and you can always use that "doing my best" as your cop-out when you don't actually follow-through - it wasn't a REAL commitment to change, it was a "best-effort", and your emailed apology was a fine demonstration of how good THAT is.  

I can't stress enough how important it is that you don't reply to any questions the other person might have about your email, especially ones that ask "why now?", "what specifically do you acknowledge was inappropriate?" and "what specifically you are doing to take responsibility?". After all, you don't owe them any explanation. 


Like I said, this isn't about doing anything for *them*, it's all about YOU. After all, once you've made your apology, you can wash your hands of the whole messy affair and wipe your conscience clean without having to dirty yourself with uncomfortable things like integrity, sincerity, action or actually facing the person you harmed.  



SOURCE  

btw -- law enforcement told me he NEVER got rid of any of his instant messengers. Just BLOCKED me. 

It was just a few weeks before he changed his online identity and went right back to it.  

ONE MORE FOR MR. RELIGIOUSLY OBSERVANT 
 The 'sweet person' I thought I knew turned out to be a predator who gets his kicks out of lying, coercing and sexually overpowering women - whether it's by saying 'I love you' indiscriminately or paying for it.  

And the way YWL misspelled my name? sent me back to the emergency room. I was in the hospital a lot then - yet I was accused of 'stalking' him at the same times. Thanks for that. I didn't realize I was that ALL-POWERFUL...

Another one for you - YWL


#ifmywoundswerevisible

Saturday, May 12, 2007

YIDWITHLID'S THREAT (March 19, 2004 confirmed)

 
HERE'S WHAT I TOOK TO NYPD. I went to the XXth Precinct on March 20, 2004, to my lawyer on March 22, 2004 and to Computer Crimes in Manhattan on March 25, 2004 (when they gave me an appointment). Look out here comes the REAL YWL! Not the charming predator who says anything to anyone to get what he wants from them. No.. here's the abusive bully who lashes out when he's caught - the psychopath who attacks when someone finds out what he really is and he hadn't yet had time to think up the lie to cover the truth! 
 

YWL: Let me make this clear. You got me back its done !!! Next there is a call, email letter anthing to me my office or anyone in my family or anyone about me from you or ANYONE I will swear out an order of protection with the police.
And you better believe that the copy of it I send to [your estranged husband] will have some of the prose you sent to [YWL's wife] ..Plus some added tidbits of my own. Fedex goes to Queens

Barbara: I read that
YWL: nothing on the web either - I will assume its from you
Barbara: my estranged husband knows everything
Barbara: you cant hurt me anymore

Barbara: what on the web
Barbara: what are you talking about

YWL: I am a great emglisser (YIDDISH TERM FOR B*LLSH*TTER)
Barbara: huh? you are sick

YWL: [your estranged-husband] might find that it was physical

YWL: its over
Barbara: he already thinks that, so what

YWL: Ill give him proof
Barbara: so what... you can't do anything to me [YWL]
Barbara: that hasn't already been done

Barbara: my therapist and my doctors know
Barbara: everyone knows
Barbara: I just hope as your friend you get help
YWL: I will see to it your children are taken away

YWL: I am on more durgs than I willever understand
YWL: my friend ? lol

Barbara: I pray they work
YWL CLICKED OFF THEN OR BLOCKED ME - or both. ("prose" I guess indicates he'd already started telling his wife I was stalking him.  Trying to lure him. Okie dokey  LOL)



This made me go to the Police - who found out about the hookers - who then told Elizabeth, myself and started the ball rolling for the closing of a $3M a year brothel, a couple escort booking agencies and a Temporary Order of Protection for me and my children.


The fact that this chat upset me so bad and the "force" of what YWL said to me - that I had to go to the Police says one thing in retrospect:

How much he meant to me and how very little I ever meant to him. Even as a friend.

Apparently only YWL says when things start and end. I was not to feel any hurt for being lied to. Or hurt for taking abuse because of him - because to YWL I was just words on a screen, right? Like all psychopaths - he saw me and others as just objects!


The original chat is on file with source codes, verified - with the XXth Precinct, NYPD Computer Crimes and my attorney. I did not alter it in any way.
NYPD told me they are keeping this sealed because of the trial & conviction of 2 brothel owners. I had already told his wife. And that was the ONLY person in YWL's life I told. I sent her 3 packages, as soon as I got stuff I sent it to her.

She was only person I ethically needed to tell.
As you can see YWL already made up his mind he was going to lie, blame, slander and smear me.

And he has never fully stopped.



Imagine you are a narcissist. Remember also that you have this unbearable pain inside, the pain of unbearable shame. All your life you have felt like you're inferior, not up to standards, worthy of contempt. But you keep awareness of that at bay by playing pretend that the opposite is true = that you are god and that the rest of humanity (except for the very special people like you) are dirt beneath your feet.

So, 99% of the time, that's what you think you are - a god. It's self delusion. But every time someone treats you like an ordinary man or woman and as their equal, worthy of your consideration and respect, they are challenging your precious delusions of superiority. You HATE that! Because every time they relate to you as a man, they are NOT relating to you as a god. And that makes those true feelings you have repressed surface to consciousness on you. You must stop that from happening.

So, in terror, you instantly attack anyone who says or does something that reminds you that you are not God. Like a three-year-old playing Pretend with her friends, you stamp your foot and yell (in so many words), "NO! You're not supposed to say THAT! You're supposed to say THIS!"

You thus train the people around you not to say or do anything that conflicts with your delusions of superiority. That is, you train them to play along with your script in your game of Pretend. But you cannot stop everything from happening that calls your true feelings to consciousness. And they are too painful.

So, you go berserk with the pain whenever they start to surface, wildly doing anything you can to instantly repress them to the subconscious again. I often liken this subconscious-burying behavior to someone frantically shoving dirt on a corpus delicti to keep it buried in one of those old horror movies.

You will do anything - ANYTHING - to prevent a moment of self awareness! Because you have this dark, unutterable terror that it would kill you. Really, you are that frantically afraid of seeing your true self in a mirror. So, you are playing Pretend 100% of the time. 24-7-365.

You pretend that you are not lowdown by pretending the antidote = pretending that you are a god. And you pretend that you are a god by treating others like dirt. You pretend that you are not amoral by pretending the antidote = pretending that you are a saint. And you pretend that you are saint by portraying others as sinners. And so on and on and on and on.

Bottom Line: You kill your pain by causing others pain. (In other words, like a three-year-old, you pretend that you can transfer it to others.) You glorify your image by trashing others' image.

In other words, you exploit people, brutally as unfeeling and inhuman as a psychopath about the pain and damage you are doing to them by this. You thus make others bleed just to maintain your delusions and keep you from knowing yourself as you are. Others must bleed so that you can feel good, so that a moment of self awareness doesn't make you just kill yourself.

Is that not exactly what the predator thinks? The wolf thinks the lamb must bleed so that he can eat and live. The wolf thinks that this is what lambs exist for - to feed HIM. And that's what predators, like sexual predators, emotional predators, child predators, pyschopaths, and other brands of narcissists think other people exist for = to FEED them.

To kill all human sympathy in themselves (which would make it impossible for them to do what they wanna do), they just pretend that others are inferior beings, like bugs. Hence they don't relate humanly to their human victims. They relate to them as but objects By projecting it onto others.

But what if you get into trouble for doing these things? What if you end up before a judge or in a psychiatrist's office? What if the neighbors find out and start looking at you askance? Remember, you do everything solely for effect, to get the reaction you want out of these people. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you will do. You will just switch masks.

Now you put on your "victim" mask. Your "Who-poor-little-old-me?-I-wouldn't-hurt-a-fly" act. What better place for the devil to hide? Now you whine about what a wretched childhood you had. Now, so that people don't realize that you are just a predator who attacks any vulnerable prey in sight, you say that the victim hurt your poor, poor, tender feelings and that you were just lashing out in self defense.

What happened to your God-act? You just put that away for the time being, because it won't get you what you want from people under the current circumstances. Besides, it's funny. Your own private inside joke.

People don't have NPD; NPD has people.


Narcissist Personality Disorder does not leave such concrete evidence around like empty bottles, mysterious car dents, drunk-driving charges or visibly injured spouses. No, it feeds on the less concrete aspects of our lives. Damage is visited upon the people around NPD sufferers, and the behavior of the NPD sufferer is explained away using countless plausible rationalizations. To help my own understanding, I have come up with a metaphor for the disorder and the person who is afflicted by it. The metaphor is one of a puppeteer (the disorder itself) and a puppet (the person with the disorder). Let's explore the puppet metaphor to help understand how Narcissistic Personality Disorder works. The puppet metaphor illustrates what I believe is the salient challenge of NPD for those people around it: you think you are dealing directly with a person, but you are not. Instead, you are dealing with someone under the control of NPD. Here is what I have read about and experienced first hand. Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferers:
From what I have read, NPD sufferers rarely get clinically diagnosed, let alone treated. I can understand that. Just imagine waking up with the notion that you might be afflicted with this condition; you would have to build your life from scratch, even if you did believe treatment were possible.

There are plenty of people out there who have suffered at the hands of an NPD sufferer, and extensive research has been done to be able to identify it. The Internet is awash with anecdotes, life stories, remedies and the results of research. It is called a disorder because something is broken, not because something is unusual. Don't let others convince you that the person is just "a bit quirky" or "has a bit of an edge".

At least be honest with yourself. It doesn't matter what they say, and it also doesn't matter what I say. You have to work it out.
Give it time and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, if you are exposed to it in someone in whom you have personally invested, will hurt you. It's a slow nibbling-to-death process.

First, you're attracted to this striking person because you seem to have so much in common with them, and striking they are, as they weave a web around you. They know exactly how to get attention - they've been perfecting it all their lives. What's really happening is you are being prepared for dinner. Their dinner. And you are but one of their side-dishes. They never counted how many little folks like you they have consumed over the years. A spider doesn't count the flies he eats and he has no feelings for any ofthem. The fly is just dinner; that's his place in this world. When you have a relationship with a sufferer or NPD, you are the fly.


The preposterousness of what I have just said is one of the reasons NPD gets to go on giving for a long, long time. Few will believe until they personally get punched in the face by it. And by that time, they've moved on to new willing victims.


NPD destroys relationships, trust, and whole families, yet still gets to continue in full swing, for a long time. There are no empty bottles to point to, no dirty syringes, or unexplained bruises on someone's arm. A person under the control of NPD can behave perfectly normally one moment, just like the puppet sits quietly in the puppet chair while the strings remain loose,
then unexpectedly and suddenly turn on you as if you had committed some great crime against them.

The Puppet Knows he is a Puppet I believe that a person under the control of NPD know that something is wrong; that something is very wrong. Often, and perhaps this is their real curse, such a person if very intelligent. They are good at working things out and they know something is definitely awry - but they are just the puppet, not the puppeteer - so it continues. Still, like so many human issues, ones "higher self" knows.

The Nice Man, The Bully and the Friend.


Imagine a chap by the name of Joe Smith. Joe shares a flat with a bully by the name of Biff. One evening, Joe is entertaining a close friend in the living room and Biff in the kitchen overhears something Joe's friend says in the living room. Biff immediately takes grave offense, storms into the living room in a rage and verbally abuses Joe's friend who gets up to leave because he is deeply hurt from the unexpected verbal assault. Joe sits there in shock about what has just happened.

Biff goes upstairs to sleep it off while Joe gets to pick up the pieces, apologizing profusely for his flat mate's outrageous behavior, perhaps even descending into a degree of denial about it all. Joe is just a regular guy like you or me, Biff is the ever controlling NPD he suffers from, and Friend is anyone Joe has a relationship with.


NPD is like an unpredictable flat-mate. It might leave the sufferer alone for periods of time, days or sometimes weeks, but it always returns. Just when it looks like it's not really there anymore, it marches into the room and beats your friend up.
NPD will try to invalidate the feelings of those it hurts

"You're too sensitive" is a common attempt at invalidation used by a person under the influence of NPD. They try to invalidate what you are feeling because you are "over-reacting" to what has happened. Ironic, really, because the person under NPD begins the emotional encounter with an overreaction in the first place.
They know how to invalidate the feelings of others.

This is why the Puppet metaphor fits so well for a person under NPD. You think you're talking with a reasonable person.

After all, they've got that great degree in physics or medicine - they must be open to reasonable debate, you think.


Wrong.
When you try to reason with them, you will get yourself caught up in their puppet strings, and if you are not careful, will get sucked into their whole messy psycho world. That is, if you care. That is, if you have empathic skills.

Lack of Empathy - the signature of a person under NPD


Somewhere in their past, a person under NPD was left out in the cold. They were neglected in some way that left them hurt and feeling abandoned. Not usually in a physical sense, but more likely in a way that suggested they were unworthy of love.
It is normal for a baby to think they are the center of the universe.

It is normal for a seven year old not to fully connect with the teary-eyed adults surrounding the casket of their grandfather. But babies and kids grow up. They grow to learn the emotion of empathy; they grow to take on the adult burden of supporting others in the community, the family and the relationships around them.

Persons under NPD are blind to empathy. Sure, they are masters at faking it, but they just cannot feel it. They know how to make themselves look like they're connecting, complete with speeches from the heart and teary-eyed funeral visits. But they are in the game from themselves alone. When you get that about people who have the disorder, you begin to understand just how vulnerable you really are when such a person is close.
 ------------------------------------------

 ljgurl@bntig.edu  2007-05-06 06:26:23 
 How did you ever believe a thing this jerk said to you? He's a cold, calculating snake.


 hhjagr@hotmail.com 12.191.209.236 2007-05-22 13:07:21 2007-05-22 17:07:21
Predator. He gives men a bad name. Yes, you did wrong but in your situation he provided a sympathetic ear and then used you. He has temerity to complain and blame. Puts you in the hospital? Now he's mad you speak out?


yopkow@hotmail.com 61.17.167.89 2007-05-22 05:10:10 2007-05-22 09:10:10 

You got taken for a ride. And now he's mad you're being truthful? Has he even attempted to talk to you? Guess this is what happens when you use someone like a sex toy and they turn out to be a human being.


zbb55@yahoo.com 71.193.131.225 2007-06-09 00:09:11 2007-06-09 04:09:11  

Sorry :(
hmjjyd@mail.com   2007-07-10 07:46:18 2007-07-10 12:46:18
Didn’t he say in The Story of Gridney he was “dropping it”? He has the nerve to say you went absolutely nuts? And now he posts your IP online? thats dropping it? Is he kidding? This YWL is certifiably nuts. He’s out for blood. Be careful
knwlha@hotmail.com 2007-07-10 14:22:30 2007-07-10 19:22:30
My GOD were you used girl! U S E D! And now you try to stop the harassment. you tell his wife (which probably ended his “fun”!) you help the cops and get them not to prosecute him And he does this? LOSER!

halel@yahoo.com 2007-07-10 17:18:38 2007-07-10 22:18:38
Are you going to post about this **** posting your IP on his blog to further his lies that you're some sort of stalker? When it was him who stalked YOU after he traumatized you, to every support group on the net you were on where you poured your pain out about what he'd done!
He’s peeved you've put this all out there isn’t he?
Are you going to tell about him and his buddies killing your Blog Carnival posting simply because he hates you for being truthful?
Or him & his buddies putting gay porn on your blog?
How about him deleting more of his hooker postings the minute you put the link on this site, as if it never happened?
Why doesn’t he go back to junior high were his behavior belongs?

You are really being an angel about it all and showing a lot of tolerance and compassion. Too bad he doesn’t deserve any of it.
 


eovxue@mail.com 2007-07-09 13:59:28 2007-07-09 17:59:28
The word that comes to mind here: EXPLOITATION. You were EXPLOITED And now this YWL or whatever he’s calling himself has the nerve to be angry that you are telling the truth and putting it all out there. Unbelievable.


nuntiagratia@gmail.com 85.232.217.48 2009-08-24 07:45:55 2009-08-24 12:45:55

I'm trying to recover after 17 years with an NPD. The part where you describe inside the mind of an NPD made me scream in anguish. I left him 8 months ago but there is not enough awareness where I come from. Had a string of therapists...the last one asked me what I might have done to save the marriage...it left my already fragile self-esteem even more battered. It's hard to recover without professional help :(
The last thing he did was turn my brother on his side. He still visits my elderly mother regularly. Everyone believes he's so sweet. He's done a recovery course for perpetrators and people admire him for it and yet when i talk to him on the phone he's as abusive and menacing as ever. It's like he added some more polish and learnt some new jargon from the course which is further enhancing his act.


#ifmywoundswerevisible

Saturday, May 5, 2007

YIDWITHLID and CHARACTER ASSASSINATION

(This is YWL right down to last trait!! He still does it on his blog.)

You may be one of the unfortunate ones who were unfortunate to cross roads with a psychopath. If you’re fortunate, you were only temporarily targeted by the psychopath, and were used (possibly abused or picked-clean) then discarded like yesterday’s trash. Psychopaths excel at blending-in with society and they permeate all walks of life. You may encounter them at work, in religious organizations or you may find yourself in an intimate relationship with one.

psychopathic-character-assassinationSome people are lifetime targets of Psychopathic Character Assassination (Psyca) a full-on unbridled attempt by the “Path” (used interchangeably to represent either a psychopath or sociopath) to totally destroy any credibility that the unsuspecting victim may have had.

What makes this victim so special over the other victims, that they are targeted to be the recipients of a possibly life-long dedication to end all normal social interaction or positive human connection with other inhabitants of our planet?

Simply stated, in most cases, victims of Psychopaths  normally self-select by knowing too much about the Path.

Paths routinely maintain at least two separate personas. One, a positive, gregarious, revered personality that is embraced by unsuspecting society, the other is their dark Path self: their evil twin. They may have many other personalities that they dial-in at any particular moment to manipulate their current audience (not to be confused with multi-personality disorder because they change personas at will with the intent to defraud).

It is imperative that the Path keep their dark sides hidden from the general populace. Think about it; if anyone knew who they really were, their lives would crumble. To the Path, protecting the secrecy of their true innate evil is as important to them as anything that provides life or sense of purpose to any other normal human being.

Paths usually launch their Psych-attacks following a very calculated formula. Even though there is no known, “playbook,” that has been published for the Paths to follow, they all intuitively use the same system to ruin the lives of those who they feel may be a threat to the sacred secrecy of his or her true self. Certainly, making a potential witness appear to be a crazy, mentally disturbed, narcissistic sociopath, psychopath or pathological liar is the logical solution.



LAYING THE GROUNDWORK

Years of research and experience has concluded that usually within the first moments of engaging with a victim who might have access to too much personal information on the Path, They begin to sow the seeds of doubt and lack of trustworthiness behind the victim’s back.
The Path draws in the friends, family co-workers and acquaintances of the victims with his or her personal charm in an effort to build a (false) trust relationship with the fringe audience. This is accomplished with little effort as the Path has innate skills that easily manipulate the perceptions of others endearing them to him or her as they wield their persuasiveness and charm.

The initial impact, though appearing quite harmless and innocuous is commonly cloaked in the appearance of sincere concern for the victim’s well-being and might sound something, like, “I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but have you ever thought that (insert victim’s name) may not be what he (or she) appears to be?” No accusations, no data, reports or inclinations of anything concrete, just tilling the soil and fertilizing it with a little doubt.

All the while, they are increasing their own credibility with someone who may be a family member, friend, co-worker or acquaintance of the intended victim; unaware that they are being groomed as the Path’s minion who will be turned against the victim when the time is right.



SOWING FALSE “FACTS”

Grooming from this point forward will take a secretive slant and will likely be presupposed with something, like, “Don’t tell (insert name), but…” as they actually sow seeds of doubt.

As the relationship between the Path and his minion(s) grows deeper, more and more seeds will be sown in an effort to cast doubt, while the victim is none the wiser.

I’ve always thought it peculiar, that in most cases, these once close associates of the victim rarely, if ever, courteously approach them with the sensitive information with a sincere, “Hey, I was just wondering about (insert reports of lack of sanity, trustworthiness, a secret double-life, illicit drug-use, illegal activities, pathological symptoms, etc…)…” that would definitely be an early indicator that something was up.

In most, if not all, circumstances the victim continues to navigate their life’s journey unaware that the world they once enjoyed is being eroded or destroyed behind their back.

It is common for the Path to project their own psychological attributes onto you. For instance, if they are a closet illicit drug user, then this will be represented as being a problem for you. If he or she is manipulative or controlling, this would be presented as something that you struggle with unbeknownst to others. If they tend to make up elaborate stories, it will be the victim who secretly lives a fantasy-life where nothing is as it seems… on and on and on…

Why? Because no one knows these attributes better than the Path. They are the undeniable expert in these pathologies and they know how critical it is for someone who has them to keep them a secret in an effort to appear to be normal.

In no way am I suggesting that the Path might limit their Psyca-attacks to their own attributes. They are extremely acute at the skill of taking a known truth and spinning it into a ludicrous conclusion that will cast a dark shadow on anyone at any time.



ENTER THE “SPIN”

Paths have the ability to spin any factual data into an amazing story that will breed conspiracy or contempt for any individual at will.

For instance, let’s say that you had a hard day at work all day, due to struggling with an intense ongoing headache. Everyone at work could tell that you were not “on your game” as usual. If you intimated to the Path that you had a headache; that would give them the data that they needed to spin a tale.

The tale may take many shapes and forms, but will be consistent with some of the previous seeds that had been sown against you. For instance, if the Path’s intention was to have you appear to his or her minions that you were a closet illicit drug user, he or she might intimate, “Wow, did you notice that (insert your name) was out of it yesterday? It’s normal to go through withdrawals when you don’t get your fix before you get to work… It’s so sad…”

No matter what you say or do, you cannot prevent the Path from spinning it into a negative story about you that will erode your sense of normalcy.



THE BEGINNING OF THE END

When the Path has a clue that you are coming to the end of your usefulness in the accomplishment of their goals, he or she ramps up the defamation, usually making it appear that it is you who is beginning to attack them. At this point the Path will appeal to their minions’ sensibilities as they present themselves as the sacrifice, martyr or victim of your psychotic manipulations.

It will become apparent to you when your relationship with the Path is coming to an end, that there has been a definite polarity has taken place. People who were once your friends will drift away… and you will notice a gravitation toward the Path.

Having no internal filter, they will stop at nothing in an effort to humiliate you. They will spout vile accusations, even proclaim you’re mentally ill, if it will support their proclamation that you cannot be trusted or are inherently evil.

Trying to defend yourself is almost pointless. If the Path is quite proficient – as most of them are very accomplished – anything that you say in your defense will appear to be a part of your psychosis and will strengthen all of the groundwork that the Path has laid in preparation of this moment.

Even if the Path’s relationship with the minions begins to dissolve (as it almost always does when the Path moves on in search of new victims and minions), the seeds will always leave a mark in their minds… and as heartbreaking as it may be, in most cases, regardless of the ultimate outcome of the Path’s lifestyle, there may be no hope for recovering the life that you once knew.

Jobs and careers may be lost, friends will turn their backs on you, family members will distance themselves, the people that you once trusted with your most intimate thoughts and feelings will always wonder who you “really were” all the time they knew you.



THE RELENTLESS COMMITMENT TO YOUR DESTRUCTION

There is no way to anticipate how long the attacks will take place. In some cases, if the Path is the least bit concerned that you might at some point discredit them or tarnish their appearance or reputation… the attacks will continue. If the Path believes that at any point you could be a threat to their charade, the spinning will not cease. This perceived threat may continue until either of you cease to be.

Many Paths have come right out and made bold, public declarations that they, “will not rest until you are,” locked up, put away, homeless, or dead.



MEDIA MANIPULATION

Paths may even go as far as to manipulate the media. In many cases a Path may launch a character assassination media campaign in an effort to make certain that you will have little or no credibility whatsoever. Media campaigns may include radio shows, newspapers, magazines and social media pays quite effectively into their slanderous toolbox.



SOCIAL MEDIA

If you are active in social media, it is not very hard to tap into your network, and start spinning your friends, followers or associates against you as they spin everything you say or do against you.

SOURCE

HE SAID...

stalker
http://lidblog.com/2007/03/story-of-gridney.html - THIS LINK NO LONGER WORKS 


UPDATE: IT WAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS POST APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM YWL'S WEBSITE.   Sept 2007

WHY WAS IT REMOVED? COVER UP? DENIAL? REMORSE? ADMISSION ?ONE CAN ONLY GUESS. (ODDLY ENOUGH -- SAME WAY THE ESCORT REVIEWS WERE 'REMOVED' - CLICK GONE! ) 

EXTRAPOLATING THE REASON IS IMPOSSIBLE SO JUST KNOW THAT IT'S GONE FROM HIS SITE. BUT NOTHING EVER REALLY DISAPPEARS ON THE INTERNET.

AGAIN, IF YOU CLICK THE LINK ABOVE I'VE BEEN TOLD THE POST IS NOW GONE. MY COMMENTS ARE WITHIN THIS STORY IN PARENTHESES.

BELOW is YWL's version of events.... 



Please, bear with me as I tell you a true (according to HIM!!) story. My Name is not Sammy I don't live in Tennessee. I used to write under my own name but a few years ago I had a falling out with a "friend" whom I knew from college. It’s the old story she was in an unhappy marriage and mine was going through a rough spot (this is a not an excuse, what we did was wrong (*forgets to mention that he looked me up in 2002, but NYPD TOLD ME HE was seeing prostitutes since 2000 and using phone sex operators & had an extensive internet porn library since at least 1999.). 

One thing lead to another and we began to have an inappropriate cyber relationship. IT WAS WRONG. I was Wrong and as a married woman she was just as wrong as me even though if you read her posts I am the only guilty one. (How DARE he moralize!! I never saw hookers or did online porn or lied to people telling them I "had feelings" for them and my "wife is cold & unfeeling" and then that I was just playing a sick sick game!!) 

 Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else. (Just like that huh?) What I didn't know was that the two were also online friends. (REALLY? When she and I have proof that we knew each other and I introduced you to her?  And proof that you hacked my AOL BUDDY LIST and wrote to all my female friends trying to start affairs with them

So on the Ides of March three years ago, the two of them figured out what was going on.

After the falling out the person went absolutely nuts "hell hath no fury" as they say. She found out where I lived, had child protection services visit my house to interview my kids (the complaint was ruled unfounded of course) (No I didn't.  I don't know who did but I can guess!! But he'll blame me no matter what.  BTW your armchair diagnosis is projection, YWL.  By writing this little tome you're admitting the "hell hath no fury" applies to you and your rage at getting caught!!)

She had saved all off our cyber conversations printed them out and sent them to my wife (whom I had already told), My Rabbi, and even sent it to my boss. She even sent it to my 80-year-old parents…two days later my mom’s heart problems got worse and she landed in the hospital. What my mom ever did to her I will never know. (WHAT? what are you even talking about? I SAVED?? He knows my ex-husband hacked it all and lawyers have it all now. I sent things to his wife, because I felt I had to... I don't even know where his parents LIVE!)

She created and maintains a pornography site that she attached to attached my old site and now to this one.
She vicious emails to sites that carried my writing such as AISH, Jewsweek and JWR. (Complete fabrications with no evidence I did any such thing!! In fact, if you check the DOCUMENTATION post on this site - you will SEE WITH YOUR OWN EYES WHO DID!!)

Let me say this again. What I did was wrong! I also have learned what she did was wrong too although I suppose that she will never under stand that. I can take the harassing emails etc, but she goes after my family and friends. Once I came home from Shul on Shabbos and there was a scandalous letter in my mailbox and that of my neighbors. It was put there by one of her friends who live in my area. (How about what you DID TO TWO WOMEN WAS WRONG????!!!!
Really? Done by Who? Because I didn't do that and no one I know on Long Island would do something like that even if I asked them to!)


After that my wife, who is the real victim in this whole thing, was afraid to talk to our neighbors for a good couple of months. (Your wife is YOUR VICTIM, Sir)

For over a year she would send emails and packages to my wife, telling her what a sap she is for staying with me, sending more porno etc.
I love my wife very much and I will go to my grave being sorry for what I did to her. But my wife did nothing to this person, there was NO reason for her to spend two years tormenting my wife, NONE! (OVER A YEAR???? How did I do that when I was in a clinic for what he did to me? And out of the country part of that year? Liar Liar!)

 

Large amounts of money spent on lawyers and computer consultants writing letters to the web hosts of these porno sites, and even a police warrant basically left me with the fact that there was nothing much that I could do. I could sue (and if you read the lawyer’s comment from the article about Orthomom I put up yesterday, I could probably win. But the only good thing that could come out of that is that would do is take the down the sites. The bad things would be worse, making my wife go through it all again.) (then please take me to court!! don't just lie about hiring lawyers & computer consultants... and I never saw a WARRANT so I'd like evidence of that too please.  SO, let's go if you 'could probably win'... come on!... so I can get all the VERIFIED EVIDENCE ENTERED INTO THE STATE RECORD - of what and who you really are!)

I changed my Internet name because, every time I would comment on a site, or a site would pick up one of my stories one of this person's minions would a comment defaming my name and telling people to go to that website http://www.pornspaces.com/gridney/, Some of what that site says about me IS true, most of it isn’t.

Also it omits one very important point, what you learn in dance school, it took two to tango.
So I changed my Internet name and location. I became Sammy Benoit, Yidwithlid, from Nashville. It was still me but I was trying to shield my wife from more torture. (No you were trying to reinvent yourself, save your own ass and stop the truth. If you cared about your wife in the first place you wouldn't have been spending hundreds on hookers for years prior to even looking me up. Minions? Your ex-girlfriends maybe? hmmm?)

(Narcissists attack you just to do it. You are therefore 100% innocent of your victimization. Blow off this absurd "It takes two to Tango" crap. - Kathy Krajco)

As for me, I have spent the last three years trying to ensure that I never again hurt my family and disappoint my friends. I have been in counseling alone and with my beloved wife. We have learned to talk to each other and have grown closer than ever before. She has forgiven but will never forget and I don’t blame her. I have become more observant and spend more of my day in Torah study trying to learn the right way to live my life. I even got a laptop that sits on the kitchen table so my wife can open up and look anytime she wants. I have worked hard at trying to rebuild the trust of my family and friends; I know I can never fully regain it. (Play martyr much?)
(Narcissists use a number of different ways to deny their hurtful actions (and to try making you deny it along with them so you'll stop complaining). Blaming others, gaslighting, labeling someone who complains about them cruel, lying, making excuses and playing the martyr are a narcissist's typical responses. Whatever it takes to stop all recognition (by them and you) of the fact that they were inconsiderate can be expected.)
Why am I burdening you with this? Because about two weeks ago she tracked me down, my site meter began to that she along with her friends have linked their pseudo porno site to my blog, along with posting new crap on bulletin boards. They send me harassing emails through anomysers. But they are acting like terrorists. If they truly believed in what they were doing they would have no fear of Identifying themselves. I even got an anonymous email from one of her friends begging me to contact her. It won’t happen. I wont talk to her, or any of her friends. (Burdening? You are loving the SMEAR CAMPAIGN you're trying to start against me by pretending you're my victim!!)

First of all it would severely hurt my beloved wife, I will not do that again. Almost as important is that I have been able to grow, change and become a much better person, I do not need to talk to people that continue to find ways to hurt me and my family. I have moved on, and have tried to grow...they should too. (Nothing beats making running from accountability and the truth sound noble! LOL)
For YOU, YWL!

To be honest, I wanted to shut down again but my buddy Chaim from Freedom's Cost talked me out of it. Others advised me to do to her what she did to me, set up a porn site about her. I refuse that solution also, Loshen Hora is not right when she does it and it wouldn’t be right if I did it. I will not even out her by name in this post. (But you did in the comments, Mr. Noble. And you recruited mentally ill harassers of mine, harassers who have FEDERAL WARRANTS OUT ON THEM NOW - yeah go ahead and check!, who target me because of my DV victims' advocacy to be your flying monkeys!)

Our little blog community is very small; the little harassment game that she and her minions have been playing is building again. I am sure that you will begin to see more posts from her about me, posts springing up that say I am a horrible creep--I was, although not anywhere near as bad as they claim. I am sorry to have to bring this up to you, but as my readers I thought you should know. I promise that after this it will be back to regular content I am not going to run this time. (To a pathological, the 'truth' is always harassment. It interferes with their delusions.)

Over the last three years I have learned how powerful the love of family and friends is. I came very close to losing them. I will not destroy their trust ever again. (And he will be sneakier next time!) 

The most powerful thing I learned was something that I had forgotten the fact that I married a wonderful woman with such a warm heart. Every morning when I go to minyan I thank G-d that I was allowed to realize what I had while I still had it. My change and development over the passed three years is due to her, and the love we have for each other. She was very hurt during the first few months, but she has taken on my quest to become a better person OUR quest. I couldn't have done it myself and through it sound like a corny line, she DOES complete me. If I spend the rest of my life running to do her every whim, I could not even approach being as good to her as she has been to me. ( I NEVER tried to end his marriage. Typical sociopath comparing the person he abused & used to the current money source to make the latter feel better. I never compared her to myself or my husband to him. He's purposely confusing the issue: HIS BEHAVIOR!)


PARTICULARLY IN THIS 'STORY' OF YWL's

I used to be an actor; I once had a director that had an interesting tradition. Before the opening curtain he would go up to each one of us, fake spitting in our faces and give us a kick in the butt. His reason was, once we have been spit on and kicked in the butt there is nothing bad that can happen to you. As many of you know, my wife was in the hospital for most of the month of January, it looks like she may need additional and much more serious surgery right after Passover. By writing this, spitting in my own face and kicking myself in the ass (something I have been doing for three years anyway) I pray that my drama teacher was right, nothing bad can happen to me or my family. (I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. I was rebuking YOU, YWL! Not your wife... YOU!!! Nice try. I assure all my readers this is the LAST of his 'acting' nice. He's been harassing me for years since. And I haven't done a damn thing other than FINALLY filing a Cease & Desist on him and having it legally served. I want ZERO to do with this predator!)
 
Thank you all for listening.



"Below is the comment that they drafted and submitted to my site. It is interesting that my former friend wrote the anonymous comment as it was someone else talking about HER when ..it WAS her. Based on her desire to stick it to me I am sure you will see more of this on the net." - YWL
It’s good you are confessing half of your fault in this whole story. However things are not and they will never be, so black and white. There’s always a grey area. What I mean with this, is that you know you are blaming someone for a lot of things she didn't do and wasn't even aware of. Truth is by that time, you weren’t respecting your wife. You used to frequent a brothel and writing public reviews about the hookers who turned you on. During the period you were corresponding with that woman, you confessed a lot of things about your wife you didn’t like. Strange way to express your love about her, the “beloved one”. You contacted her with the simple purpose of taking her for a ride, taking full advantage of a past story you had together. You contacted her and profiled her knowing her state of mind was not good and that she still had a lot of affection for you. Are you fairly sure she does KNOW this new identity because she would NEVER NEVER harrass your family or you. See, on how things are not so black and white? As if it wasn’t enough, while corresponding with her, you “fell in love” with another woman in the other side of the country, with whom you were willing to have sex encounters, etc, etc, etc… You can tell the story the way you want and paint the picture the way it fits you better. However, you know very well this not accurate. This is just some strategy you’re using. I know you will delete this comment but if you are going to come clean - tell BOTH sides of the story - the whole story.
~~~~~~~~~~~
("Because of the distorted perceptions that the abuser has of rights and responsibilities in relationships, he considers himself to be the victim. Acts of self-defense on the part of the battered woman or the children, or efforts they make to stand up for their rights, he defines as aggression against him. He is often highly skilled at twisting his descriptions of events to create the convincing impression that he has been victimized." - Lundy Bancroft, WHY DOES HE DO THAT?)


Commando Leader said... / ANONYMOUS USER
How sad, how sick! The fact remains that a married man or a married woman who frequent such chatrooms in search of a cyber-lover are both equally wrong and guilty. No married person, regardless of circumstances can be seduced unless they want to! So whether you are the world's worst SOB or not, it does in any way make her less of a filthy floozy. Yes I said filthy floozy, and I emphasize the "filthy," in lieu of the word she really deserves.Now let me tell you my own story, five years ago with the magic had long gone out of my marriage.

Were it not for the kids I would have divorced the creep. To say I was unhappy would be an a huge understatement. Then the bomb fell when I found he was cheating on me in chat rooms. I wanted revenge I wanted to see and taste and spill his blood. I thought I would give him a taste of his own medicine while fantasizing and releasing my own frustrations... I started going on chatrooms, but while I had many offers - almost every female in a chatroom of this kind does - I could not bring myself to do it. Not merely out of respect for the institution of marriage, even a horrible one, but out of respect for myself! I was not a floozy unlike the other females who frequented these chat rooms. Yes, I wanted his blood, but not at the expense of myself .

Instead I confronted him, and recited verbatim some passages between him and his various cyber bimbos, with one in particular where there had obviously been much more than just heavy breathing. Of course, the bastard denied it! I expected him too, he was such a weasel. Then I brought out the printed records of the conversations, sheafs and sheafs of them. Cornered, he broke down, and of course he promised to stop, he told me he loved me, blah, blah, blah, the usual meaningless platitudes.I wanted his blood and again I toyed with the idea of paying him back in the same coin. I could be more imaginative, more expressive, than all his floozies and Lord knows I could have used the release. Oooh, yesss! Again, I thought of myself, my self respect and my values. Nope, using chatrooms to get even, or just to add some excitement to my life was not worth the eventually heavy toll on me and the kids!

Today, five years later after a couple of years in therapy I am married t.o a wonderful, passionate man, a superb father - our marriage is like a new courting every time we lay eyes on each other. No I did not remarry, I did not even get divorced. I learned in therapy that nothing of this kind is merely the fault of one , no matter how much of a bastard he'd been, and I finally had the courage to face this truth and while I was proud of my values that kept me from becoming a cyber whore (there, I said it!), I realized where I had to change as well as he.

As Eric Berne, a psychologist, wrote in his 60s bestseller (Games People Play) we all play games, we all wear masks, because we do not want to look at our own inadequacies, we certainly do not want others to find them out. Why am I burdening every one with my painful story? Simple, to sum it up, and I direct my words , drop it sister move on with your life! You won't get the guy back, though it's obvious from your chat and your "friend's" letter you are still panting for him. Certainly, what Sammy or whatever his real name is did is, was disgustingly wrong, a game unworthy of a real man! But, he owned up to it! Unlike you sister, he bared publicly his shame, he confessed his guilt. You seem incapable of realizing that you are just as guilty and a floozy! Grow up, lick your wounds, get some therapy and get on with your life. Hatred will only get you sicker than you are already. A

nd believe me, sister, you show yourself as a very sick woman, your friend is obviously just as sick! Were she truly your friend she would have advised you to drop it and pant after your husband and if you do not have him anymore get a boyfriend that can accept you for the beautiful being you really can be. Frankly, I do not expect you will heed my advice, you are too sick to do so. Doubtless you will have some "friends" put up more porno sites (that really excites you doesn't it, floozy?) and continue to send anonymous letters to him, his friends and family . Sister, you are a very, very, sick woman! Get a shrink, pronto, for your sake and more importantly for your kids sake!Yid with lid, I work in IT, specifically in IT security, if you can send me all the IPs I may be able to track down -- you can expose her and judging by the handle she chose , I imagine she has a blog. If she does not desist let me know I will help you expose her and her blog.Commando Leader
6:07 AM
Yid With Lid said...
Dear Anonymous obliviously you don't read very well not only did I post the other fake comment you sent, but I also posted the fraudulent letter. Its funny but how would you know whether the person was or wasn't in a chat room unless YOU were that person or one of her friends...since I see you came from one of her favorite posting locations: Visitor Information: 24.225.89.94 (EARTHLINK INC) [Label Visitor] Location: EDEN, NORTH CAROLINA, UNITED STATES ( MINDSPRING.COM) Last Visit Time: March 03, 2007 9:27:29 PM Length of this Visit: 0 hours and 0 minutes 
That site is the ones you set up. On it you say "(He changed his main site http://jeffdunetz.com - into a SERMON on Loshan Hara - ie "malicious gossip" - which is what Jewish ABUSERS often use to try to silence their victims into not exposing them!!!)" malicious gossip is not loshon hora. Malicious gossip, which by definition is a lie is "rechilus". Loshon horah is true but not something that must be said. Only true gossip is loshon horah. Rechilus is much. much. much worse. Some of what you say on that site is true and I discussed it above. Loshon hora, is always true, in every detail, when lies are mixed in it becomes "rechilus" Since you say you recently converted,maybe you should discuss with your Rabbi, in fact maybe you should discuss all your rechilus of the past three years with your Rabbi.
12:44 AM
Yid With Lid said... Ok Barbara Enough! I got your two comments today and I am not posting YOU are just as guilty, YOU did not do this with your eyes closed, YOU were a married woman. The sooner you move on with your life, the sooner you will heal, physically, emotionally spiritually. As far as I am are concerned, I publicly confessed my iniquity, I publicly showed contriteness by baring my soul. As far I am concerned you can continue dragging my name through the mud, while whitewashing your own responsibility. I am done playing your sick game. You used to tell me that I made too many decisions based on trying to please others. Well you are right, but when you started attacking me on this site I made a decision for me and for my family. Don't you realize that asking me to have a relationship with your family and me to have one with yours is beyond Sick? I WILL NO LONGER BE BULLIED BY YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I am dropping it--no more posts or comments. When you decide that the health of your twins are worth more than your bruised ego, you will drop it too, until then regardless of how much abuse you and your friends choose to heap on me I will not react. THERE WILL BE NO MORE POSTS ON THIS BLOG ON THIS MATTER. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING SOME MORE, USE YOUR OWN BLOG  (don't worry, I did)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” - Lundy Bancroft, WHY DOES HE DO THAT
Psychopath Survivor Pictures, Images and Photos

THOUGHTS FROM PROFESSIONALS ABOUT HIS 'TALE OF WOE' ABOVE:

"Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth. I have treated individuals who have lied most egregiously by reciting a litany of true facts! How does someone lie by telling only true things? They do so by leaving out important other, important facts essential to understanding the truth of the whole story." In Sheep's Clothing, pg. 98 "...this is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as others) about their aggressive intentions. This 'Who...Me?' tactic invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do." In Sheep's Clothing pg. 98
~~~~~~~~~~  
(Edited for clarity - links embedded)
But a narcissist has only his hero, himself, and a lot of minor characters in his story.
No one else must be interesting and thus distract ATTENTION from him in his story. As I have said before, what narcissists DON'T know about significant others in their life is amazing and diagnostic. A narcissist can know you for 20 years and not know you at all. He really doesn't know whether you are honest or a liar, excitable or tranquil. He may not know how to spell your name. If he sees you outside the usual setting, he may not even recognize your face! That's how disinterested in you he is. His need to look down on others by paying anti-attention to them as beneath his notice has relegated you to the background of the sights and sounds in his life. You are but a mannequin this storyteller paints a caricature on.
His purpose isn't to see you as you are: it is to design you the way a fiction writer designs minor characters – to reflect the glory of HIMSELF in a story all about HIM. You can test this. Find out a narcissist's depiction of you. You get hints of the picture they have of you in what they say and how they treat and react to you. Be prepared for a stupefying shock. Find out how the narcissist depicts you to others. I guarantee that you won't recognize yourself. The narcissist's depiction of you bears no resemblance to reality.
He just makes it up according to his whim and fancy as he goes along. And, being the author of this work of fiction, he can change it overnight. Which explains why you often see a narcissist's opinion of someone go upside-down overnight. That's what an editor's pen can do to a work of fiction.
Narcissists' cavalier attitude in doing this is breathtaking. They paint mud on you with all the whimisical delight of a child painting a coloring book. Callous is what callous does. In fact, the narcissist's depiction of you will be downright ironic in certain particulars. Your good qualities will all have been painted over with the semblance of their opposite. That's because a narcissist must be better than you, so he must paint over any shiny spot in your image that diminishes the glow of his glory, especially one that serves as a foil to any blemish in his character. For example, your generosity makes his stinginess more noticeable by contrast, so he must pull the switcheroo with these character traits in her depiction of himself and you. In other words, he is composing her My Life by filtering and editing reality on the fly as the material to base this work of fiction on. That's how he denies what he really is and identifies with his false self, a work of art, instead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like a novelist, he always paints them as a cartoon (a flat character - that is, a mere caricature, not a real character - drawn without depth) that he spices up with some purely imaginary eccentricity. So, I think it's for this verisimilitude that a narcissist colors the cartoon he draws of a friend he talks about by giving that friend a brother who is a drug dealer being surveilled by the FBI. That gets your attention, doesn't it? The men he hires to do his yard work and snow removal are "retarded," because kindly him "takes on people like that." How magnanimous of him.
So, you can imagine how inaccurate what HE says to others about YOU is. This is one big reason why it is dangerous to have anything to do with a narcissist. You and your precious reputation are nothing but fodder to a malignant narcissist for their Fiction Making Machine. Again, callous is as callous does.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Find out from others what HE says to them about his "relationship" with you. You'll discover that your chats with him are part of the work of fiction he composes as My Life by editing reality on the fly. In his story, you will be a rather pathetic character, a mere caricature of yourself, some poor wretch "who needs someone to talk to" that he so graciously listens to for hours on end. He doesn't care what he does to your good name in falsifying his. What's it to him? The consequences to you are no consideration in her conduct, because he thinks that's what other people are there for – for him to use as one would use a mere object, like a tick uses a deer, a bee uses a flower, a wolf uses a sheep, a human uses livestock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
This one's for you "YWL" -- 




You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, 

You may tread me in the very dirt 

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

-- Maya Angelou

 

 #ifmywoundswerevisible

iol430@yahoo.com
Barbara, you say this guy knew you. He certainly didn't know you very well at all. You were in and out of the hospital most of the Spring & Summer of 2004. You have 2 children and are a single parent. You run around with your kids and for your kids. That's all you do! You are either not well enough or have no time. You and I went out of the country in Fall 2004 for a couple weeks. You were out of the country this Fall too and that doesn't count the trips to D.C. and to see your family.

In the 13 years I have known you - you have NEVER done anything like what he's saying. I have never known you to be vindictive... even when I think you should have been. What in heaven's name made him think you did all these things? Or that you would if you could? He needs to look at his other girlfriends I guess. Also, he knew perfectly well that you & Elizabeth knew each other. What a liar! The reason Elizabeth finally contacted you was because he kept making wierd and nasty comments about you to her. Seems like he didn't know Elizabeth real well either. He's a great judge of character isn't he?

anonymous@nospam.com 74.72.41.213 2007-04-04 18:14:58 2007-04-04 22:14:58
"Others advised me to do to her what she did to me, set up a porn site about her"::
Is he for real? Are we all 13 years old now... why didn't he just spray paint her phone number in the men's room at Grand Central Station with '"for a good time call"
How would he have done that? You said he only saw you the once and didn't even want to speak with you once he got bored with you when your ex found out.
Wait!! He said he has a good imagination! Would have been funny to see. Maybe he should talk to you - but then he couldn't lie and blame you for everything could he?


voulez@nospam.com 74.72.41.213 2007-04-06 14:40:21 2007-04-06 18:40:21

What the....? B - you really should sue this guy for defamation. Guess he thinks that just if he says it - it makes it true! LOL. When did you have the time to do all these things? Tell me if I'm wrong but just after it happened you were super sick. And then you were in the hospital and home on sedatives for a long time. I remember taking the kids for a couple days for you and picking up groceries for you!

You were in shock. People in shock don't do this. And didn't you go to your brother's for a long time? Unless you are SuperWoman and have a flying suit I don't know about! You have a lot of courage - like that other poster said. Its about time you put it all out there, the truth, to clear your name.


anonymous@webnet.com 65.57.106.15 2007-04-07 10:27:54 2007-04-07 14:27:54
I found this site surfing wordpress and all I have to say is WOW - you got guts, Barbara. What an enlighting story. I clicked to YWL's site and saw his final comment on the post and Well isn't he MATURE! Not.....
He didn't realize those comments weren't you? Idiot.
And you are sending your friends to bully him? Bullies always hate it when you call them on their nonsense don't they? I know - I divorced one of these online players myself.
Ok Barbara Enough! I got your two comments today and I am not posting YOU are just as guilty, YOU did not do this with your eyes closed, YOU were a married woman. The sooner you move on with your life, the sooner you will heal, physically, emotionally spiritually. As far as I am are concerned, I publicly confessed my iniquity, I publicly showed contriteness by baring my soul. As far I am concerned you can continue dragging my name through the mud, while whitewashing your own responsibility. I am done playing your sick game. You used to tell me that I made too many decisions based on trying to please others. Well you are right, but when you started attacking me on this site I made a decision for me and for my family. Don't you realize that asking me to have a relationship with your family and me to have one with yours is beyond Sick?
Move on with your life? I think that's what she's trying to do YWL - while trying to take back some of the self-esteem you crushed for her. I don't see her whitewashing anything here or attacking. Looks to me like she confessed to another site a long time ago and is doing so here.
Well of course he ends the discussion and he drops it!! After you'd talked about her like she's some sort of monster YWL!!
He is too cowardly to speak to you himself, either. He couldn't do it for what? 2 years you said? So easy to throw you away like garbage. Isn't he such a victim? NOT!
I WILL NO LONGER BE BULLIED BY YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. I am dropping it--no more posts or comments. When you decide that the health of your twins are worth more than your bruised ego, you will drop it too, until then regardless of how much abuse you and your friends choose to heap on me I will not react.
The bully here is you, YWL. You are mean and cruel. Drop it? the woman's been deeply traumatized, went to the damn hospital (if you can read) and is still in therapy and meds. I think she's trying to heal with this one, YWL. And she doesn't seem to have much of an ego left after what men like you have done to her!
THERE WILL BE NO MORE POSTS ON THIS BLOG ON THIS MATTER. IF YOU FEEL LIKE COMMENTING SOME MORE, USE YOUR OWN BLOG
Oh and now you're going to end ALL discussion right? Always about YWL and what he wants and what he feels. My goodness these jerks are all alike.

---------------------------------------

hp789@aol.com 74.72.41.213 2007-04-09 23:46:52 2007-04-10 03:46:52
obliviously you don’t read very well not only did I post the other fake comment you sent, but I also posted the fraudulent letter. Its funny but how would you know whether the person was or wasn’t in a chat room unless YOU were that person or one of her friends…since I see you came from one of her favorite posting locations:
Visitor Information: 24.225.89.94 (EARTHLINK INC) [Label Visitor]
Location: EDEN, NORTH CAROLINA, UNITED STATES ( MINDSPRING.COM)
Last Visit Time: March 03, 2007 9:27:29 PM
Length of this Visit: 0 hours and 0 minutes
Referrer: http://howigoteven.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20&postdays=0&postorder=asc&am p;start=15

First off - he can't spell for shit. obliviously? The one who's oblivious is him. And he's obvious too. It says he removed the post from his blog? of course now he can deny his own stupidity! You have plenty of hard proof here, and whoever you are one gutsy girl. Probably you are both.
And him? He's the luckiest man on the planet to have friends like you and the biggest asshole on the planet to treat them this way. Let us know if he ever apologizes and talks to you like a human being honey. He's probably just ignoring this site like any good selfish ostrich would. I think we'll be in a snowstorm in hell when he responds or talks to you.


293847329@cox.info 65.57.106.15 2007-04-14 13:19:05 2007-04-14 17:19:05
Who the hell is COMMANDO LEADER? And they don't even leave an email or website? What a nutjob. Just ranting and raving and believing the B.S. And then YWL makes some crass comment about people not leaving their emails on his site - but he goes ahead and posts COMMANDO LEADER's vicious attack on someone she doesn't even know.

COMMANDO LEADER probably hasn't seen this site - YWL will make sure of that. Cowards

How very fair of him... but then again, he's not very fair to you at all throughout this whole thing. Not even an acknowledgment of how his treatment of you landed you in the hospital a few times. No sympathy for you at all - you were wrong but you went through a lot because of him... his ignoring you isn't humane at all Now that's a real man for you. hahahahaha]


anonymous@nut.net 74.72.41.213 2007-04-21 01:18:43 2007-04-21 06:18:43
I found this site through clearblogs. What a story!! Its heartbreaking. Yes, you and he made a mistake - and you are both sorry. But he seems to be more interested in shutting you up and blaming you.

Yes, you are pissed off in some of what you say and I think you have reason to be. You state you sent his wife 3 packages of stuff as you were getting it - and mailed a letter for your friend to his rabbi. You were honest about that at least.

He's pissed because you told his wife and ended his "fun and games." Looks like he's thrown everything at you but the kitchen sink.
He says he aired his dirty laundry bin but you did that a while ago. Looks like all he aired was the shirts not the **** stained underwear he used with the hookers he's trying to act like never happened.

He says you are slandering him and then turns around and defames you. I don't see where you have accused this guy of anything you don't have solid evidence to back up.


stansted61@cut.net 74.72.41.213 2007-04-19 11:22:36 2007-04-19 15:22:36
Did anyone catch this in his post:
Toward the end of our relationship, I stopped cybering with her and started cybering with someone else
I am a guy and even I have to say, whoa that's cold! This guy summed up a couple years playing around with this woman in one paragraph. ouch. END of relationship? sounds like she tried to end it a few times because she got tired of being a plaything.
I made a mistake with my wife 6 years ago. I got my ass into counseling, mostly because my wife made me but it was a good idea. I learned that my wife was hurting AND the girl I had the affair with was hurting too. I had to make amends to both of them. It wasn't easy believe me. I still speak to the girl, FRIENDS ONLY, once in a while. She's met someone decent and I am happy for her. My wife knows I talk to her and while she's not thrilled - she realizes that I can't just act like this other woman doesn't exist.
I tell her every time I am going to have lunch with the girl and I account to my wife for all my time. It was a hassle but slowly I have won back most of her trust and the girl & I have a totally different relationship now - FRIENDS ONLY. I have learned a lot but mostly, how not to think of women as just sex objects.
Unfortunately most guys would do the same - try to act like the other women, the hookers - didn't exist. They'd want this whole thing to be erased and forgotten. And they'd act like it never happened. Like this writer said, she didn't exist when he wasn't online with her. That's got to hurt her bad. She has a life too and she trusted this guy and now she's nothing but an annoyance to him. She ought to kick his butt but she's doing the opposite. If only more people could be like that, you know?

My therapist told me - I didn't just hurt my wife - I hurt another person who had feelings too. I played around and only thought about myself. I messed up my marriage and someone else's life and as much as I wanted it to all go away - it wasn't going to. Our actions have consequences. This writer is hurt - this relationship had a long term affect on her and her life. She's doing what most women do - talk about it. She's been brutually honest here.
We guys may not like it - I know if my ex wrote something like this I don't know what I'd think but I'd have to give her credit. This is like emotional surgery. Painful but necessary. I don't begrudge this writer one bit either. Sounds like she really got used and is still. The guy will probably be pissed since he tried to fluff it all off like it was no big deal - but she's doing what she needs to do. To me it sounds like he left a whole lot out.
I am going to show this site to my wife.


sagee@yahoo.com 2009-07-07 05:41:07
According to Perfect Apology the key steps in any good apology are:
1. a detailed account of the offense
2. acknowledging the hurt caused
3. taking personal responsibility
4. recognizing one’s role
5. stating one’s regret
6. asking for forgiveness
7. promising that it won’t happen again
8. offering restitution
Source: http://victimofcon07.wordpress.com/

Having followed this story and the many links what we see is a person who only cares about himself and will use his religious belief system friends, family and whoever else will serve his own needs. What possible hope or change can anyone including his own family see in Sammy Benoit aka Yidwithlid or gridney or Yid With Lid or The Lid and any new screename he will created? The answer is none until he accepts responsibility and stops blaming his many victims.

So if YWL really wanted all this to end and “be done with” he would throw away his computer and never again go any web sites to chat post and/or give his opinion -- which isn’t worth much anyway. Then it would end and his family would see he truly is sorry for his many deeds of manipulation lies and denial.

Will this happen? No, for he is addicted to sex, attention-seeking and the web. Just look at his current blog. It’s a source of supply and one he can’t give up like just any drug addict hook on their drug of choice and so as far as I am concerned he never will... Sad but True