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Monday, October 8, 2007

Example One: Puts on Conspicuous Display of Goodness & Kindness

One of the ways in which Pathologicals try to do this is by involving themselves with organizations or persons who give them the "air of respectability." Here's some of the examples YWL has provided us with: 

The destructive narcissist can steal virtue and substance from her profession or from belonging to certain clubs or organizations or charities. Service professions are very attractive to malignant narcissists. So is religion. As is Parenthood.
Just tool around YWL's blog to see the numerous pro-Israel/ Jewish organizations and efforts he's involved with. Now, I don't see that as bad... IF I thought there was really even an iota of altruism involved. YWL in this article he wrote in 2002 admits that:
I went the other direction and became a kind of a "social" Jew. I wrapped myself in the blanket of Jewish causes and organizations, using them to protect myself from the guilt I felt as I drifted further and further away from the few mitzvot that I did keep.
Since then he's become a lot more observant, he says. But I have to wonder if:
  • he kept his kippah on when he was at the brothels he visited on his lunch hours from 2000-2004?
  • Or if he had doing mitzvot in mind when he posted these on THE EROTIC REVIEW (since erased from TER but logged by law enforment) [BTW this link/ photo and information WAS NOT POSTED BY ME!!!! but YWL demanded I remove it and I wrote this site and was REFUSED! )
Since 2004 I have worked with so many other victims whose Pathological was a 'devout' religious person. They even hurl scripture at the victims who discover their true agenda - as YWL did at me when he found out I 'told' about his real identity. Many of these people were also sexually deviant and insatiable, somehow convincing their victims, as I was led to believe - that the sexual and spiritual was all tied up together.
Confuse Desire and Reality Create the Perfect Illusion - Aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding a victim's powers of reason.
Stir Up the Transgressive and Taboo People yearn to explore their dark side. Take your targets further than they imagine - the shared feeling of guilt and complicity will create a powerful bond.
Use Spiritual Lures Everyone has doubts and insecurities about their physical presence. Lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual.
And none of these Pathologicals, YWL included - just DID their "good deeds" but were sure to take pictures, blog and write about them. They were sure to end up in church bulletins, blogs and online magazines. Their pictures and 'good deeds' prominently featured. Do I need to do that? No. Actually when I do things I do them first and rarely think about why until later... and I don't care if people know or not. That's not why I do them. And you?  

Do I think YWL's blog is a bad thing? No. I don't read it. But I think he believes he's doing a good thing and I believe in his right to his opinion. If his brand of politics is your bag - then by all means read it! 
Many Pathologicals actually believed they were God's special friend. Below are some excerpts from a really wonderful article I was sent that many of my readers, I'm sure, will relate to (despite talking about Christian churches, this type of sociopath is present in EVERY RELIGION irregardless): 


The Characteristics of a Religious Sociopath

by Rev. CJ Conner
Dr. Martha Stout ponders the question: "Could it be that all of the world’s greatest human tragedies are attributable to only 4% of the human population?" I think about the fact that most of the destructive socio-political movements in the American Church are pushed by a miniscule minority of voices who are well organized into national voting blocks. They in no way represent the faith and belief of the majority of Christians, but have found their way into the halls of power. 

Here are some characteristics of the sociopathic personality that Stout outlines in her book, "The Sociopath Next Door."  

1) Despite their ability to know and distinguish good from evil, they suffer from a total lack of conscience and can do anything at anytime to hurt and harm another. In the church, this is usually manifested in destroying the ministries of people they disagree with. Black-listing pastoral candidates and pastors, for example, that don’t agree with the top leadership’s social agendas in the Mainline Church, is common. There are stories of Bishops and pastors that have undermined ministries, broken up marriages, leveled serious false charges against those that disagree with them, and taken and sold off congregational property to "win" their agendas with no remorse for the hurt, carnage, and damage they cause to others.  

2) The Sociopath is unable to develop any kind of true, loyal attachments to people. This inability to be genuinely connected to others renders their experience of life bland, colorless, boring, and tedious. Consequently, they turn to power, not love and relationship, as the primary motivational factor for their lives. The sociopath seeks to gain power through which he can find some sense of connection to humanity by causing the suffering of others. The more he is able to make another suffer or hurt, the greater his sense of personal power, and the more exciting and invigorating life becomes. Stout says that the motivation for self aggrandized power is so strong in the sociopath that many of them work hard to place themselves in leadership positions because the authority of an office or position gives the sociopath the tools and avenues he needs to both feed and fuel her mental illness. (YWL was, to the best of my knowledge, at one time on the board of his shul, and is - according to emails I have recieved - now visibily helping with services every Shabbat and holiday at his shul.)  

3) You can not judge or pick out a sociopath by their appearance. They look well put together, often charming, and are consumate actors. This is why they are masters at getting regular, normal, healthy people to provide aid and support to their mischief and abuses. Stout writes, "In a confusing irony, conscience can be rendered partially blind because people without conscience use, as weapons against us, many of the fundamentally positive tools we need to hold society together- empathic emotions, sexual bonds, social and professional roles, regard for the compassionate and the creative, our desire to make the world a better place, and the organizing rule of authority. And people who do hideous things do not look like people who do hideous things. There is no "face of evil."… We try, consciously or tacitly, to judge a person’s character by his or her appearance, but this book-by-its-cover strategy is ineffective in nearly all cases. In the real world, the bad guys do not look the way they are supposed to." In the Mainline denominations generally appeal to all of the things listed above, and in fact we see them working very hard to keep the focus on things like "sexual bonds" and "healing the world"- causes that draw people in while their leaders are busy working on a whole agenda of evil things.  

4) Sociopaths tend to be inordinately focused on sexuality and are often hypersexual. The more taboo the expression of sexuality, the better for the sociopath. Anybody following the news coming out of the Mainline denominations knows that the religious leaders have put most of their energy the last few years talking about all manner and form of sex. This obsessive preoccupation with sex, and with normalizing socially unacceptable sexuality, is the mark of a sociopath. (Just read this blog to see how YWL tried to lure my friends and even did lure me into an inappropriate relationship - based on his sex addiction, while swearing that there were real emotions there - and using NLP and hypnosis to keep me locked in a sick cycles with him; which he now calls a "game." This cycle landed me in the hospital and intensive treatment for PTSD symptoms... and which are now permanent. Just reading his reviews of hookers he saw between 2000-2004 it is obvious what he thinks of women. His actions speak louder than his words.)  

5) Sociopaths have no intervening sense of obligation to other people. They will betray whoever is convenient at the moment. They can’t maintain healthy and stable relationships primarily because sociopaths view people as disposable when their usefulness to their needs or agendas runs out, particularly if those people won’t help them with their mischief and abuse anymore. The people who were their "best friends" yesterday become their latest project of abuse, harrassment, and emotional torture the next.  

6) Sociopaths are not the most conscientious of workers, but they know how to make a splashy entrance from time to time, or initiate some new project, to maintain the appearance of normalcy- to keep people from finding out about their sociopathy. One Bishop I read about worked a ruthlessly destructive and hurtful agenda during his tenure in office. Six months before the denomination was due to elect a new presiding Bishop, all of his divisive projects and agendas became suddenly quiet and he made a splashy show by introducing an initiative to get the denomination to read their Bibles and learn about evangelism. For 5 1/2 years these two things were not anywhere on his priority list, but conveniently just before an election, they became important. Sociopaths know that most people will be none the wiser, and after the election, this man will most certainly promptly go back to socially engineering the Church in his image. We should also think about the fact that the Mainline denominations have so dumbed down their theological curriculum and requirements for pastors in seminary that they have become an easy place for the typical sociopath to sneak into influential positions of power and authority. The Mainline Seminaries of today have become the perfect sanctuaries for sociopaths who are looking for an easy ride to power.  

7) Sociopaths lack remorse. They have absolutely no sorrow or shame for the things they do wrong and the ways they hurt other people. In fact, more than lacking in remorse, they often justify what they do- if not externally, at least internally. Their efforts at self-justification usually involve whole other layers of hurting others as they lie and falsely report about them to justify their sociopathic behavior. 8)  

8) Sociopathy is incurable. Even if it were curable, sociopaths almost never want to be cured. They look at people who allow an overriding sense of obligation mitigate their responses to situations and consider them total fools. Sociopaths can oftentimes be heard as describing the conscience that others possess as a weakness and an impediment to personal power and progress. All of the Mainline denominations have adopted these ideas amongst their leadership in their "church-based organizing" models, and have sent people to week long brain washing sessions to inculcate them with the cut throat, self-interest focused world of sociopathy. The skills people "learn" there have become the new virtues of the Mainline, and the behavior that sociopaths routinely engage has in many parts of the country become highly regarded and honored by church folks.  

9) Sociopaths want you to pity them. In some strange and perverted twist, lacking the capacity to pity or empathize themselves, they know that pity is one of humanity’s greatest vulnerabilities and most of us believe the ability to pity is a part of what’s wonderful about people. We become totally vulnerable in the face of somebody that we pity. The sociopath knows that once he has your pity, he has you in his power and control, able to trick or convince you of virtually anything. Stout says, "The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.

Consider ALL of the arguments you hear about maintaining and codifying the newly revised position and teaching of the Mainline churches on sexuality. The crux of the discussion about gay marriage, and practicing homosexual pastors, for example, always seeks to win your pity. Another church leader I know fashions herself as the eternal underdog that the whole world is against, invoking the pity factor and drawing people in to assist her in constructing her scaffold of sociopathy through which she exercises her authority in destructive and egregious ways, leaving a writhing path of pain and desolation in her wake. Expelled from her denomination because they caught on to her, she has no problem quickly moving on and drawing others right into a new sociopathic scheme. Another national leader is the master at putting on the pitiful face and drawing sympathy from the crowds as he refers to those who disagree with his radical socio-political agendas as persecutors. 

He tops it off by comparing his "persecution" to the suffering of Christ. When talking about those who disagree with his support of a whole number of social justice agendas, he reminds his listeners that "We are sharing in Christ’s persecutions." When the shoe is on the other foot, however, Sociopaths have no regard or empathy for the other, and will ruthlessly attack those who once pitied them or were loyal to them, often in subterfuge so they can maintain their cover.  

There are some good Church leaders out there, I can’t deny that. But if 20% of your top religious leaders are sociopathic, what does that mean for the identity of your denomination? ....''


It's absolutely bone-chilling to me how much of the above nails someone like YWL.

I wish he was help-able and cureable. But I have learned I need to worry about myself, my family and our healing from what he did to us - and to pass along the knowledge, validation and courage to heal and speak out to others.(which is what I am doing here)  


One of the other manners which Pathologicals employ to pump up that "conspicuous display of goodness and kindness" is REVISING HISTORY. Below another wonderful article and plenty of evidence in this in how YWL tried to spin what truly happened (see here for his version which I will give equal time to).  

Steve Becker, LCSW wrote a wonderful post on this process which I am reprinting here. 


by Steve Becker, LCSW  
One thing that’s certain about sociopaths and exploitive personalities generally: when it comes to relationships, they are the worst historians. They are chronic historical revisionists—that is, they are constantly revising history. And their revisions are headed in predictable directions—to make them look good, unguilty, unresponsible for the damage they’ve caused and, of course, whenever possible, to position themselves as the true victims of the circumstances. And that’s, of course, when history interests them. And history will interest them, but only when they can use it against you. 

If it suits their need, say, to punish you for a decision you made in the past, even before you met them, abusers may use this knowledge of your history as a weapon of attack or control in perpetuity. The issue on which they fixate, for instance, may pertain to a sexual relationship that predated your knowing them; they may have coaxed, if not coerced, this information from you, perhaps in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, on the pretext of their wanting to know, preciously, everything about you. They will not have hinted at their truer, underlying motive: to stumble upon eternally damning evidence of your corruption for future, endless punitive purposes.  

On the other hand, when history obstructs, rather than enables, the exploiter’s self-centered agenda, then surprise surprise, he will have no use for, or interest in, it whatsoever. History (accurate history, that is) will instead loom as a great annoyance to be ignored, if not aggressively suppressed. In such cases, the exploiter is likely to frame your interest in the history of his exploitation of you as off-limits. 

 (my example: HERE) How ironic—suddenly the self-centered, chronic boundary violator invokes the sanctitude of his boundaries, fingering you as lacking respect for his space. This would be funny, if it wasn’t so not-funny.  

The problem of the exploiter’s manipulation or censorship of relationship history is grave inasmuch as healthy relationships depend on partners processing their history together with integrity; and also with the aim of deepening their intimate connection through joint efforts to understand, and make mutual meaning, of their shared history. When this process is corrupted, there is no chance for a healthy relationship. The exploiter, by virtue of his underlying disdain of your integrity, boundaries and individuality, makes this vital collaborative process impossible. This is not a process he will ever feel motivated to engage; and it’s a process, in any case, that will overwhelm his deficient capacity for true intimacy. (My use of “he” in this post was for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that men have a patent on these disorders.)  

Here's my evidence, everything I can legally show you.  

That covers Number One of the eight traits my late friend, Kathy Krajco mentions. Stay tuned for more examples of Example Two: Damages the Images of Most Others

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